These funny veterinarian jokes will give you a dose of laughter. Veterinarians specialize in the health and well-being of animals. With them treating such a diverse range of animals, it is no wonder that many vet jokes cover different situations and scenarios.
From medical care and procedures of all kids, veterinarian jokes are so funny and will appeal to all sorts of animal lovers.
Here are some of the best vet jokes that you can enjoy and have a good laugh at.
Veterinarian Jokes that Will Make You Laugh
1. How do you make a veterinarian laugh?
Tell them a tail that they have never heard before!
2. Where do little ponies go to see the vet?
The horsepital.
3. Why don’t veterinarians like puns?
Because they find them un-fur-tunate!
4. What happened to the cat who swallowed a ball of yarn?
She had a litter of mittens.
5. Why did the veterinarian decide to hire a cat over a dog?
Because dogs can’t operate MRI scanners, buy catscan.
6. What do you call a veterinarian who can only take care of one animal at a time?
A slowpoke!
7. Why did the veterinarian become a stand-up comedian?
Because he had a knack for tickling funny bones!
8. What do you call a dog that performs magic tricks?
A labracadabrador!
9. What is a cat tantrum?
A hissy fit.
10. Where did the horse that was getting married go to get a wedding gown?
The bridle studio.
11. Why did the vet laugh after he got back the x-ray resuls?
Because it was a humerus case.
12. What do you call a dog that doesn’t bark?
A hush puppy.
13. Why did the dog stop by the vet clinic?
To paws for a health checkup.
14. Why did the veterinarian always carry a pencil and paper where ever she went?
So that she was always ready to draw blood!
15. How do you make a cat vomit?
Put out your favorite and most expensive rug.
16. What is a Vet’s favorite TV Show to watch?
“Duck-umentaries!”
17. Why did the dog leave the vet’s office wagging its tail?
Because it was feeling pawsitive after the visit.
18. Why don’t animals play poker on the savannah?
Because there are too many cheetahs.
19. Why should you handle metronidazole carefully?
Because it’s flagyl!
20. What did the vet say after examining the dog that was feeling lethagic?
Hmm, it seems your pup is feeling a little ruff today.
More Funny Vet Jokes to Tickle Your Funny Bone
Veterinarians can work in various settings, including private clinics, hospitals, research institutions, zoos, farms, and wildlife conservation areas. Their work is vital for maintaining the health of animals. Here are more jokes about veterinarians that you can enjoy.
21. What do you get when you cross a veterinarian with a vampire?
A bat-terinarian!
22. Why did the cat go to veterinary school?
To become a purr-amedic!
23. What do you call a veterinarian that specializes in treating felines?
A cat-terinarian.
24. Did you hear about the astronaut that brought his cat to see the vet?
He thought that his cat was a lunar-tick.
25. Did you hear about the special at the Vet store?
“Buy 1, get one flea.”
26. What’s the unluckiest kind of cat to have?
A catastrophe!
27. How do Vets get paid?
“By the pound!”
28. Nurse: Do you need help faxing?
Veterinarian: No thanks, Alfaxalone.
29. What do you call dental x-rays?
Tooth pics.
30. My vet had no idea why my two pet birds were glued together.
She really seemed toucan-fused for words!
31. What did the cow say about people that don’t eat meat?
I have no beef with vegans.
32. What did the Vet Nurse say to the other one who insulted her?
“Shut your Meaooowww!!!”
33. What happens to cats that eat lemons?
“They turn into sour puss!”
34. What do you get when you cross a parrot and a centipede?
“A walkie-talkie”
35. Why should you neuter your dog?
To make it less nuts.
36. Why did the vet break the clock?
Because it was always ticking him off.
37. What’s a vet’s favorite Tom Hanks movie?
Catch Meow If You Can.
38. What do you call a veterinarian who can only treat one species?
A Doctor.
39. Did you know that Vets don’t like to buy stuff on Amazon?
“They prefer choosing from a CAT-a-logue instead!”
40. How do you tell if a vet from Australia is good at their job?
Make sure that they have the right koalafications.
Even More Veterinarian Jokes and Puns
In addition to their medical duties, veterinarians educate pet owners, maintain detailed medical records, and ensure compliance with veterinary laws and regulations. Many vet jokes may also extend to these areas, or they could just be puns.
41. What do you call a weiner dog on a bike?
Doxycycline.
42. What do cat actors say on stage?
Tabby or not tabby!
43. What do you get when a veterinarian fails to heal your sick cow?
Uncured Meat.
44. Why did the cat join the Red Cross as a vet?
Because she wanted to be a first-aid kit
45. Why did the poor dog chase his own tail?
He was trying to make both ends meet!
46. What is the cat’s favourite TV show?
The evening mews!
47. What’s a veterinarian’s favorite drink?
Dr. Pupper.
48. Did you hear about the movement to not allow veterinarians to be called doctors?
They are proposing that “dogtors” are a more apt description
49. What do you call a Vet Tech, that is REALLY good at poker?
“Ace of Spays!”
50. Heard about the veterinarian that flirted with a patient’s parent?
He flexed his muscles and asked her…”Don’t you think these puppies are sick?”
51. What did the vet tell the bird owner that made him feel better?
Don’t worry, your canary’s illness is tweetable.
52. Why can you trust vets to take care of animals?
Because they are very com-pet-ent.
53. What did the cat say when he lost all his money?
I’m paw!
54. What do you get if you cross a cat with a tree?
A cat-a-logue!
55. Why do butchers make the best veterinarians?
They can cure a pig after it’s already died.
56. A man takes his sick Chihuahua to the veterinarian. They’re immediately taken back to a room. Soon, a Labrador walks in, sniffs the Chihuahua for 10 minutes and leaves. Then a cat comes in, stares at the Chihuahua for 10 minutes and leaves. Finally, the doctor comes in, prescribes some medicine and hands the man a $250 bill. “This must be a mistake,” the man says. “I’ve been here only 20 minutes!” “No mistake,” the doctor says. “It’s $100 for the lab test, $100 for the cat scan and $50 for the medicine.”
57. A man goes to his veterinarian and complains, “I think my goldfish is having seizures.”
“He seems fine now,” the doctor replies. “Yeah,” the man says, “but just wait until I take him out of the bowl.”
58. What did the Vet do with the bulldog that ate a dictionary?
He took the words straight out of his mouth!
59. How many hours does a Vet work a day?
He works around the cluck!
60. If there is H2O on the inside of a fire hydrant, what is on the outside?
K9P.
61. What’s the hardest part about reading a veterinarian book?
Putting it down.
62. A veterinarian walks into a bar for an after work drink, when he is approached by Bert, one of his best clients. “Hey doc,” Bert says sadly. “I need to make an appointment to bring my St. Bernard in tomorrow and have you cut off her tail.” The vet stepped back, “Bert, why should I do such a terrible thing?” “Because my mother-in-law’s arriving next week, and I don’t want anything to make her think she’s welcome.”
63. A doctor and veterinarian are sitting at a bar after a long day of work.
After a couple beers the Veterinarian turns to the doctor and says: “You know I thought about becoming a doctor instead of going to vet school. How is it?” The doctor replies: “It’s not so bad. The hours are long and the work is exhausting, but the pay is good, you’re an appreciated part of the community, and it’s nice to feel like you’re doing something good for the world.” “Well that doesn’t sound too bad” said the vet “I often thought about working with animals when I was going through school. What’s it like being a veterinarian?” The doctor inquires. The vet responds “well on the one hand you get bit a lot, but on the other hand you don’t get bit as much.”
64. Why do veterinarians make terrible comedians?
Because they always “paws” for too long!
If you enjoyed these funny veterinarian jokes, we think that you will also enjoy these funny accountant jokes, tennis jokes, ice cream jokes and bank jokes as well.