Train journeys can be long but they will go much faster with a funny train joke or two. We have more than 70 jokes about trains that those who are railway enthusiasts will appreciate.

The introduction of the steam locomotive in the early 19th century revolutionized transportation. Use these train jokes as a means to introduce humor into any situation. Whether you are giving a speech to train aficionados or just sharing a laugh with your mates, we think that you will definitely enjoy these funny train jokes.

Train Jokes That Will Chug Out Laughter

1. How does a train avoid detection?
It covers its tracks.

2.Did you know that train conductors make great thieves?
They are really good at covering their tracks.

3. A man is sitting on the train, chewing gum in silence.
After a while, an elderly lady leans forward from opposite and says: “Sir, it’s very kind of you to tell me so much, but unfortunately I’m deaf!”

4. Why was the man able to pick up a few railway buffers for cheap?
Because he took advantage of an end-of-the-line sale.

5. It’s always great working with a train conductor.
They’re always ready to take one for the steam.

6. What did the monster say when it saw a train full of passengers?
Look, it is a chew chew train.

7. Why did the locomotive go off his tracks?
Because he wasn’t trained properly.

8. What is the difference between teachers and railroad security?
One of them trains the mind, while the other one minds the trains.

9. I finally figured out why you always try to drive me crazy.
Because you have a locomotive.

10. Why did the locomotive scream when it looked back?
It was a freight of cargo.

11. Why did the ghost get fired from his job at the railroad?
He couldn’t coordinate the skeleton service.

12. The train conductor worked hard and got offered a promotion.
It was a tram-endous opportunity.

13. I was so embarrassed that my wife caught me playing with my son’s train set that I threw the bedsheet over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.

14. A pessimist, an optimist, and a realist look down a train tunnel.
The pessimist sees a long dark tunnel; the optimist sees light at the end of the tunnel; the realist sees that the light is an oncoming train; the train conductor sees three idiots standing on the tracks.

15. What do you call a locomotive on the first day of the job?
A trainee.

16. I swear train conductors never get in trouble.
They always seem to have a get out of rail free card.

17. Why did the student always like chewing gum on the train?
Because unlike teachers, locomotives always tell you to choo choo.

18. I was going to ask the conductor a question when he walked by.
But I was too afreight to ask.

19. What do you call a troll that lives under a railway bridge?
An arch enemy.

20. Did you hear about the conductor who was overloaded with work and eventually became the employee of the month?
It was because he just kept chugging along.

21. Did the honeymoon couple decide to cancel their romantic railway trip?
Because all of their plans went down the train.

22. Why should you always keep an eye on train puns.
They can go off the rails without warning.

23. Train conductors are known for their drinking.
They can just keep chugging.

More Funny Train Jokes

There are several types of trains, including freight trains, which transport goods; passenger trains, which carry people; high-speed trains, such as Japan’s Shinkansen and France’s TGV. Speed things along with these funny train jokes that people will love.

24. Why are ticket inspectors the best?
Because you just have to hand it to them.

25. Why do railroad workers need to be sure they always keep their train of thought?
If they don’t, they might go down the wrong track and get someone hurt.

26. How do locomotives know where they’re going?
Lot’s of training

27. What did the short train conductor do to get noticed?
He decided to wear platform shoes to work.

28. What is it called when old-timey locomotives work together?
Steam work.

29. Being a conductor is more difficult than it looks.
Every detail needs to be kept track of.

30. Conductors can be quite intimidating when you get them angry.
Make sure you don’t yank their train!

31. Everyone seems to have a crush on the train conductor.
He is quite at-track-tive.

32. There’s a guy I know who has been a big fan of monorails since he was little.
I guess he’s just really into one-liners.

33. What did the train driver say when he decided to get over his drug addiction?
I need to get my life back on track.

34. The conductor was right in the middle of her presentation when she lost her train of thought.
Embarrassed, she quickly disembarked from the room.

35. Why did the locomotive enjoy working with other locomotives?
Because it enjoyed working as a “steam”.

36. The conductor kept telling me funny train puns.
It was hard to keep a freight face.

37.I tried to get a job as a railway conductor, but was unable to.
They didn’t think I had enough training.

38. How do locomotives hear?
Through their engineers.

39. It’s hard to find anyone with more focus than a conductor.
They have complete tunnel vision.

40. I once asked a conductor how many times a train he was on had gotten derailed.
He told me it was hard to keep track.

41. Why do trains take so long to arrive on Halloween?
They’re running with a skeleton service.

42.What did the hobo say as he climbed into the stockcar?
It’s a freight day to go for a ride on a train.

43.Why should you be weary of spending too much time walking on railroad tracks?
Because it might leave you feeling run down.

44. The conductor has never missed a day of work in over 20 years on the job.
He was there come train or shine.

45. How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a train driver?
Ask them to pronounce “unionised”.

46. How can you tell when a train driver is feeling stressed?
Because you can find them biting their rails.

47. The train company had safety issues for years.
However, it was always able to cover its tracks.

48. What should you do when things look bad?
You just have to keep calm and carriage on.

49. The conductor’s mailbox is always stuffed with letters.
He receives plenty of freight mail.

50. What did the mother steam engine say to her baby to get her to eat?
“Here comes the choo choo train!”

51. How do you find a missing train?
Hire a detective to follow the tracks.

52. What do you call a locomotive that keeps sneezing?
Achoo choo train.

Even More Hilarious Train Jokes

Modern trains are increasingly powered by electricity rather than diesel or steam. Still a lot of train jokes and puns tend to be about traditional trains. Whether you are into modern electric or diesel and steam trains, we think you will agree that the best train jokes are those that run on track!

53. Why do electricians like talented train drivers?
Because they’re good conductors

54. Railroad workers aren’t what they used to be.
In the past, all the conductors were a little loco and full of self e-steam.

55. I had a friend who quit his gig as a newspaper reporter and took a train out of town.
It was the ex-press train.

56. I went to a 70s party at the train station.
Everyone had on platforms.

57.Did you hear about the man who took the 5 o’clock train home?
The police made him give it back.

58. Why can’t train engineers get electrocuted?
Because they are not the conductor.

59. I wanted to put together this list of funny train puns a while ago.
But I just kept getting sidetracked.

60. What do you call a sick locomotive?
A train with a coal-d.

61. How do you make it to the railway Olympics?
Train really hard.

62. The cops were investigating the recent theft of a train.
They suspected the culprit had a locomotive.

63. Being a train conductor requires you to get up early in the morning.
Right at the track of dawn.

64.. Driving trains is not an easy job.
There is a lot more to it than it steams.

65. Why did the train engineer need to a break and go on a holiday?
To let off some steam.

66. A railroad conductor needs to make sure he doesn’t go down the wrong track.
If not he can easily lose his train of thought.

67. No matter what, the train I regularly take home is always late.
It’s a slowcomotive.

68. Train conductors are clever.
They are also known for their engine-uity.

69. No matter where you are, you’ll never see happy railroad tracks.
Too many people have crossed them.

70. What’s one easy way to tell if a train just passed?
It leaves tracks.

71. No one would ever find out how hard he trained.
He never got a platform to share it.

72. A locomotive conductor can only think of one thing at a time.
They have one-track minds.

73. 3 Irishmen and 3 Englishmen are buying train tickets
The Englishmen all buy a seperate ticket, 3 in total. The Irishmen however buy only one ticket for the three of them.

One of the Englishmen asks: “Won’t you guys get thrown off the train?”

“You’ll see,” say the Irish.

After riding the train for half an hour, the six men see the conductor coming into the back of their train car.

While the 3 Englishmen all reach for their ticket, the Irishmen stand up and all proceed to the toilets, where the 3 of them enter a cabin. After checking the English men, the conductor walks to the toilet and knocks. After a few seconds, a ticket is shoved from under the toilet door, the conductor checks it, shoves it back and proceeds to the next train car.

The next day, the same 6 men are buying tickets. This time, the English men buy only 1. However, the Irish don’t buy a ticket at all.

Again after about half an hour, the conductor enters the car. The English men proceed to the toilets, but the Irish remain seated. After the 3 English men entered a toilet, the Irish stand up and also walk to the toilets.

There, 2 of the Irish enter the second toilet cabin, but before the 3rd Irish man joins them, he walks to the cabin with the English in it, knocks on the door and says: “Conductor here, ticket please”

74. An off duty soldier took a train.
When the train reach its first stop, a general walk in, and the soldier stood up, the general said. ‘At ease soldier, sit down.’

The train reached its second stop, again the soldier stood up, the general once again said. ‘At ease soldier, sit down.

When the train reach its third stop, again the soldier stood up, the general said.’ You don’t have to salute every time we reach a stop.’ The soldier reply.

‘I want to get off, I missed my stop 2 stations ago.’

We hope that you have enjoyed these funny train jokes and enjoyed sharing a laugh over them with your friend, colleagues or other train nuts! If you have, we think that you will also enjoy these orange jokes, firefighter jokes, turtle jokes, tennis jokes and these police jokes too!