Soccer jokes are fun to kick around with your teammates. It is the most popular sport in the world, with over 4 billion fans globally, therefore plenty of people can relate to the humor of the game.
Soccer is governed by 17 official laws that cover all aspects of the game, from the field of play and the ball to fouls and misconduct. However, these laws do not apply to soccer jokes where anything goes!
Soccer Jokes That Are Hilariously Funny
1. What is soccer?
It is game played with 22 players, two linesmen, and 20,000 referees.
2.What lights up a soccer stadium?
A soccer match.
3. Which soccer player has the biggest cleats?
The one with the biggest feet.
4. What position do ghosts play in soccer?
Ghoulie.
5. Where do soccer players go to dance?
The Futball.
6. What lights up a soccer stadium?
A soccer match.
7. What kind of tea do soccer players drink?
Penal-Tea.
8. What is it called when a dinosaur gets a goal?
A dino-score.
9. Why didn’t the dog want to play soccer?
He was a boxer.
10. They should end soccer games with an art competition.
That way it would be win, lose or draw.
11. Why was the soccer field wet on a sunny day?
The players dribbled all over it.
12. Where’s the best place to shop for a soccer uniform?
New Jersey.
13. Who is Homer Simpson’s favorite soccer player?
Ronal-D’oh!
14. What time is it when an elephant steps on your soccer ball?
Time to get a new ball!
15. Knock, knock.
Who’s there? Soccer. Soccer who? Socc-ser in the drawer.
16. What do soccer referees send during the holidays?
Yellow cards.
17. Knock, knock?
Who’s there? August. August Who? A gusta go back to soccer practice!
18. When is a soccer player like a judge?
When he sits on the bench.
19. Why is women’s soccer so rare?
It’s quite hard to find enough women willing to wear the same outfit.
20. How do we know that soccer referees are happy?
Because they whistle while they work.
21. What kind of soccer team cries when it loses?
A bawl (ball) club.
22. Did you hear about the man who found playing Soccer addictve and wanted to stop?
He could not seem to kick the habit.
23. Why shouldn’t you play soccer in the jungle?
There are too many cheetahs!
24. Why did the soccer ball quit the team?
It was tired of being kicked around.
25. Why do soccer players do so well in school?
They know how to use their heads.
26. How do soccer players stay cool during games?
They stand near the fans.
27. My kids soccer championship was canceled due to rain and sleet.
So every player got a precipitation trophy.
28. Why did the soccer player bring string to her game?
So she could tie the score.
29. What runs around a soccer field but never moves?
A fence.
30. Who is the most famous soccer player from USA?
Ronaldo McDonaldo
31. What did the bumble bee forward say after getting a goal?
“Hive scored.”
32. How do birds cheer for their soccer teams?
They egg them on.
33. Why did the chicken get ejected from the soccer game?
For persistent fowl play.
34. What is a ghost’s favorite soccer position?
Ghoul keeper.
35. Why can’t Cinderella play soccer?
Because she always runs away from the ball.
More Funny Soccer Jokes That Will Drive Fans Wild
Soccer jokes can originate from many aspects of the game. But did you know that the origins of soccer can be traced back over 2,000 years to ancient China, Greece, Rome, and parts of Central America where various forms of the game were played.
36. Why don’t grasshoppers watch soccer?
They watch cricket instead.
37.Why are soccer players so artistic?
Because every game ends in a DRAW
38. Why do so many Americans play soccer?
So they don’t have to watch it on TV.
39. What’s the difference between a bad soccer team and an albatross?
An albatross has got two decent wings.
40. What is the difference between a bad soccer team and the Bermuda Triangle?
The Bermuda Triangle has three points.
41. Girl: “What jersey should I buy?”
Guy: “Buy a goalie’s jersey!” Girl: “Why?” Guy: “So, I can tell people my girlfriend’s a keeper.”
42.Did you hear about the soccer player who lived passed a 100?
He’s still alive and kicking.
43.What soccer club do sheep’s like?
Baaaaaaaaa-rcelona.
44. What would you get if you crossed a soccer player and the Invisible Man?
He would play soccer like no one has ever seen.
45. What did the mummy soccer coach say at the end of practice?
“Let’s wrap this up!”
46. What did the bad soccer announcer get for Christmas?
COOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!
47. Why was the skeleton always left out in a soccer game?
Because he had no body to play with.
48. How do you stop squirrels from playing soccer in the garden?
Hide the ball, it drives them nuts.
49. Why is a bad soccer team like an old bra?
It has no cups and very little support.
50. Why does the soccer ball curse so much?
Because he gets a kick out of it.
51. What part of a soccer pitch smells nicest?
The “scenter” spot.
52. Soccer is a strange game.
Soccer is a bunch of people running away from their goals.
53. What does Cristiano Ronaldo and a magician have in common?
Both do hat tricks.
54. Why did the soccer player kick the grass?
Because it was being a pitch.
55. What does a soccer player say on Halloween?
“Hat Trick or Treat!”
56. Why did the soccer ball say ow?
Because the man kicked him.
57.What are successful forwards always trying to do?
Reach goals.
58. Which soccer player keeps the field neat?
The sweeper.
59. What do you get if you cross a soccer player and a mythical puppet?
A centaur forward.
60. I know an untidy guy who’s excellent at playing soccer.
What a Messi guy.
61. After my son’s team won the soccer tournament, the goalkeeper invited the two of us for a party afterwards.
It was the father, the son, and the goalie host.
62. What’s the difference between a soccer referee and a politician?
When the referee gets paid, at least someone wins.
63. Why are soccer players never asked out for dinner?
Because they’re always dribbling!
64.. Why aren’t soccer stadiums built in outer space?
Because there is no atmosphere!
65. Which goalie can jump higher than the crossbars?
All of them. Crossbars can’t jump.
66. I don’t care what anyone says about Neymar faking hurt.
He’s still my roll model.
67. How does Neymar laugh?
ROFL.
68. Neymar was found at a Celine Dion concert, screaming from pain and rolling around.
He was touched by the music.
69. Soccer is a strange game.
It’s a bunch of people running away from their goals.
Even More Soccer Jokes and Puns for a Laugh from the Corner
Ready for more soccer jokes? You will score a goal with these funny ones!
70. Why do moms all over the world hate the best player in soccer?
Because he is Messi.
71. I used to be the worst player on my football team, but then I moved to America.
Now I’m the worst player on my soccer team.
72. I started watching soccer because it’s very relevant to my life.
Little to no goals.
73. I tried to start a soccer club.
I put up some posters on a local bulletin board to get the ball rolling.
74. Why did the defensive soccer player cross the road?
To get to the other slide.
75. Why couldn’t the all-star soccer player listen to music?
Because he broke all the records.
76. What do you call a person who walks back and forth screaming one minute, then sits down weeping uncontrollably the next?
A soccer coach.
77. Why can’t you play soccer with pigs?
They hog the ball.
78. Why are scrambled eggs like a losing soccer team?
Because they’ve both been beaten.
79. Why couldn’t anyone see the soccer ball?
The defense cleared it.
80. Why couldn’t the soccer team lose a goal?
They always had a goal keeper.
81. What time is it when a soccer team chases a baseball team?
Eleven after nine.
82. What do you get when you cross a soccer goalie and the Invisible Man?
Goal tending like no one has ever seen.
83. What did the soccer goalie say to the ball?
“Catch ya later.”
84. Knock, knock.
Who’s there? Uriah. Uriah who? Keep Uriah on the ball.
85. Why is it always warmer after a soccer game?
All the fans have left.
86. You are locked inside a car with nothing but a soccer ball. How do you get out?
Unlock the door and pull the handle.
87. What happens to soccer players who go blind?
They become referees.
88. Why are swimmers good at soccer?
Because they dive a lot.
89. Why is Cinderella so bad at soccer?
Because she had a pumpkin for a coach.
90. Last weekend I went to see my girlfriend’s soccer match, and she did this awesome save.
She’s definitely a keeper!
91. Why are soccer players so artistic?
Because every game ends in a draw.
92. What did the bad soccer announcer get for Christmas?
COOOOOOOALL!
93. Soccer is the only sport that’s not a game of inches.
It’s a game of feet.
94 Why do goalkeepers spend ages on the internet?
Because they can’t stop saving their work.
95. Knock, knock!
Who’s there? Wanda. Wanda who? Wanda buy a new soccer ball?
96. Knock, knock.
Who’s there? Dozen. Dozen who? Dozen anyone in this town play soccer?
97. Knock, knock!
Who’s there? Les. Les who? Les go and play soccer!
98. Why did the soccer player hold his boot to his ear?
Because he enjoyed sole music.
99. When fish play football, who is the captain?
The team’s kipper!
100. You know what they say about guys with big hands!
They’re good goalies!
101. How did the soccer pitch end up as triangle?
Somebody took a corner!
102. Why couldn’t the star soccer player listen to music?
Because he broke all the records.
103. Why didn’t the lousy soccer team have a website?
They couldn’t string three W’s together.
104. Why are soccer players so driven?
Because every player knows pretty well that they cannot afford to go through life without any goals.
105. What does a professional soccer team and the U.S. Navy have in common?
They both spent over $50 million on a sub.
106. When the pitch is flooded, soccer players can still go on.
They just need to bring on their subs.
107. Which bar downtown do soccer players hate striking on?
Crossbar.
108. What’s the difference between the England soccer team and a tea-bag?
The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
109. What’s harder to catch the faster you run?
Your breath!
We are sure that you have enjoyed these soccer jokes. You can discover more funny jokes like these footballer jokes, pickle jokes, flower jokes, referee jokes and squirrel jokes too!