There are over 3,000 species of snakes in the world, and they can be found on every continent except Antarctica. While we do not have that many snake jokes for you, we think that you will enjoy these funny puns and jokes about the slithering reptiles.

You can find snakes in diverse environments – from deserts to forests and wetlands. We think that you will find these diverse snake jokes funny too!

70+ Snake Jokes That Will Have You Laughing Away

1. How does a snake shoot something?
With a boa and arrow.

2.What’s worse than a box full of snakes?
A box that was SUPPOSED to be full of snakes.

3. What do you call a snake who works for the government?
A civil serpent.

4. What does a German snake sound like?
ßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßß….

5. What did the Mommy snake say to the Baby snake?
“Please stop crying and viper your nose.”

6. Why did the snake cross the road?
To get to the other ssssssssside.

7. A snake slithered into a bar and asked the bartender for a beer ‘Sorry’ said the bartender ‘I’m afraid I can’t serve you’. ‘Why not?’ Asked the snake
‘Because you can’t hold your drink’ replied the bartender

8. How do you make a baby snake cry?
Take away its rattle

9. Who is a snake’s favorite author?
William Snakespeare.

10. Why don’t snakes drink coffee?
Because it makes them viperactive.

11. What do snakes use to clean their car windows?
Windscreen vipers.

12. Why can’t an Italian snake talk?
Because it doesn’t have any hands.

13. How do you get a snake into Hogwarts?
You tell it to slither in

14. Difference between a snake and a lawyer?
Snakes don’t wear watches

15. Chuck Norris was once bitten by a cobra snake.
After 3 long days of suffering, the snake died

16. What is a snake’s favorite TV show?
Monty Python.

17. What do you call a sleeping snake?
A King Coma!

18. What did Saint Patrick say when he drove all the snakes out of Ireland?
“Everyone got seat belts on back there?”

19. What do you call a snake that builds things?
A boa constructor.

20. Why is weighing snakes so easy?
Because they come with their own scales.

21. What do you get when you cross a hedgehog and a snake?
Barbed wire!

22. What do you call a snake what has been fused with a tropical fruit?
A bananaconda.

23. What do snakes take when they have allergies?
HISStamine

24. Why are snakes so hard to fool?
They have no legs to pull.

25. A sheep, a drum and a snake fell off a cliff…
Baa-Dumm-Tssssss….

26. Why was the snake mad at the jewel thief?
Because he wanted his diamondback.

27. I just made a boomerang out of a snake
I have a feeling that idea might come back to bite me in the behind

28. Which snake is a member of a rock band?
A rattlesnake.

29. What do you give a sick snake?
Asp-rin.

30. Did you hear about the computer nerd who was eaten alive by a giant snake?
Now he’s programming in python.

More Snake Jokes That You Can Sssssink Your Teeth Into!

Snakes have highly developed senses adapted to their predatory lifestyle. Maybe one of these is a sense of humor too!

31. What do you call a snake wearing a hard hat?
A boa constructor

32. How do venomous snakes kill their prey?
In cold blood.

33. What medicine does a snake take when it’s sick?
An anti-hiss-tamine.

34. What’s the difference between a politician laying dead in the road, and a snake laying dead in the road?
There are skid marks in front of the snake.

35. What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell?
Addercadabra and abradacobra.

36. What do you get if you cross a bag of snakes and a cupboard of food?
Snakes and Larders.

37.What do German snakes say?
“Hiß.”

38. What do you call a snake that bakes?
A pie-thon.

39. What do you call a funny snake?
Hissssssterical.

40. What do married snakes have on their bath towels?
“Hiss,” and “Herss.”

41. How can you rescue a snake that looks dead?
With mouse-to-mouth resuscitation.

42.What type of snake does a baby like to play with?
A rattlesnake.

43.A snake walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “How did you do that?”

44. Why do snakes always measure in inches?
Because they don’t have feet.

45. What did the snake give her boyfriend?
A goodnight hiss.

46. What did the snake say to the loud children at the library?
“Ssssss.”

47. What do you get when you cross a snake and a plane?
A Boeing constrictor

48. What is another word for a python?
A mega-bite.

49. What do you call an important English snake?
Sir Pent.

50. Why should you never use a snake as a boomerang?
Because it will always come back to bite you.

51. What’s a snake’s favorite dance?
The snake, rattle, and roll.

52. What do snakes do when they get angry?
They throw hissy fits.

53. Why can’t a snake rob a bank?
Because they are unarmed.

54. A jellyfish, a snake, and a snail walk into a bar.
The jellyfish says, “This is impossible.”

55. What do you call a snake that’s 3.14 meters long?
A “Pi”-thon.

56. My girlfriend is a snake.
Whenever you ask her whose fault was it, she goes “HISSSSSSSSSS.”

57.Doctor: “Can you describe the snake that bit you?”
Patient: “Yes. It looked like an angry rope.”

58. I got mugged by a cobra once when I was walking through the park.
I wouldn’t recognize it again, though. It was wearing a hood.

59. What is a snake’s favorite school subject?
Hisstory.

60. Nobody wants to listen to White Snake with me.
So here I go again on my own.

Even More Funny Snake Jokes That You Will Love

Just like how snake make use of a forked tongue to “taste” the air, you can taste the fun with these great snake jokes!

61. A sheep, a drum, and a snake fell off a cliff.
Bah-dum-tiss.

62. What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a snake?
A jump rope.

63. What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers?
Fang letters.

64.. What do you get if you cross a newborn snake with a basketball?
A bouncing baby boa.

65. Why should you never weigh a snake?
They have their own scales.

66. What do you call a snake that’s shed its skin?
Snaked.

67. What’s a snake’s favorite dance?
The mamba.

68. Why did Woody have to wear sneakers?
There was a snake in his boot.

69. What kind of car does a snake drive?
An ana-honda.

70. After the flood, satisfied his work was done, Noah was inspecting the ark one last time when he came across a pair of snakes. “Why are you still here?” he asked in surprise. “It’s safe now. Go forth! And multiply!” The snakes stared at him in confusion. “But… we’re adders.”

71. A Boy Scout asks his scout leader, “Sir, is this snake poisonous?” The scout leader looks at it and says, “No, that snake’s not poisonous at all.” So the boy picks up the snake, which bites him. The boy starts to spasm and foam at the mouth as the other kids look on in horror. The scout leader says, “But that snake is venomous. Poison is ingested or absorbed, while venom is injected. Let’s get it right next time, boys.”

We hope that you’ve gotten a good laugh out of these funny snake jokes. We think that you will also enjoy these skeleton jokes, orange jokes and potato jokes as well!