Sailor jokes make fun of mariners who roam the sea. From ancient times, when maritime exploration began, sailors have been the backbone of global trade, exploration, and cultural exchange.
Brave sailors navigate the vast and unpredictable oceans, relying on their knowledge of the stars, weather patterns, and sea currents. Isn’t that good enough reason for us to show them some appreciation with funny sailor jokes and puns?
Sailor Jokes that Will Get Laughs Going
1. Which sailors blow their nose the most often?
Anchor chiefs.
2.Why did the sailor suddenly jump into the sea?
To test the water.
3. What is a sailor’s favorite type of detergent?
Tide.
4. How does the sea say hello to a sailor?
Waves
5. What is a sailor’s least favorite band?
Maroon 5.
6. An old sailor once said that you could hear the calm before the storm.
He said it sounded like a C flat.
7. Why do sailors like to eat carrots?
Because it allows them to sea better.
8. Why don’t sailors like to go shopping for new hats?
Because they are worried about capsizing.
9. What do techy pirates wear?
An i-patch.
10. What is a sailor’s least favorite type of vegetable?
Leeks.
11. What’s a sailor’s favorite board game?
Battleship!
12. What’s a sailor’s favorite type of candy?
Lifesavers.
13. Why can’t sailors play cards?
Because they’re always standing on the deck!
14. What do sailors use to blow their noses?
Anchor-chiefs.
15. Why did the sailor buy a boat at the boat store sale?
Because it was quite an oar deal.
16. What do you call a salty sailor?
A seasoned seaman.
17. Why do sailors who have difficulty navigating also have a hard time remembering the alphabet?
Because they get lost at “C”.
18. Where did the zombie sailor go sailing?
In the Dead Sea.
19. What do you call a sail with only two corners?
“I haven’t got a clew!”
More Sailor Jokes and Puns
The life of a sailor can be both challenging and rewarding, requiring a deep understanding of the sea and a willingness to face its many dangers. So why not make it easier by sharing a joke or two about sailors and their exploits. Here are more sailor jokes that you can appreciate.
20. How was the boat turned into a party boat?
Through pier pressure.
21. What’s a sailor’s favorite kind of pie?
A buoy-berry pie!
22. Why do sailors like Black Friday?
Because they love a sail.
23. Why did the sailor bring a ladder to the bar?
Because he heard the drinks were on the house!
24. When is a sailor not a sailor?
When he is aboard.
25. How do sailors communicate with each other?
Using Sea-mail!
26. What’s a sailor’s favorite fruit?
A water-melon!
27. What’s a sailor’s favorite kind of sandwich?
Sub-marine!
28. What does a sailor use to call his friends?
A shell-phone!
29. Newbie: “Do yachts like this sink very often?”
Sailor: “No, usually it’s only once.”
30. What do sailors say when they make a mistake?
“I’m shore-ry!”
31. What did the sailor say to his sweetheart?
“You float my boat!”
32. Why does the Norwegian navy have bar codes on the side of their ships?
So that when the ships come back into port they can Scandinavian!
33. Did you hear about what happened to the sailors on the blue boat when it collided with the red boat?
They were marooned.
34. Who is the fastest sailor in the world?
Usain boat.
35. What do sea monsters love to eat?
Fish and Ships.
36. Why did the sailor quit his acting career?
Because he wasn’t landing any good roles.
37.How many sailors does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, because the right size bulb isn’t on board, the local marine-supply store doesn’t carry that brand, and the mail-order house has them on back-order.
38. Sailor A: “I hear fish is good brain food.” Sailor B: “Yeah, I eat it all the time.”
Sailor A: “Well, there goes another theory!”
39. What do sailors eat for breakfast?
Boatmeal.
40. What did the sailor say to the sea monster?
“What’s Kraken?
Even More Funny Sailor Jokes
The essence of a commercial sailor’s life remains largely unchanged since ancient times. There are long periods away from home, camaraderie among crew members, and the constant presence of the sea. What better way to build up this camaraderie than by sharing some funny sailor jokes with all the crew!
41. Captain: Sailor, name a species of lemur
Sailor: Aye-aye, captain!
42.Why did the Pirate give his ship a coat of paint?
Its timbers were shivering.
43.Did you hear about the sailor who turned into a pumpkin pie?
He’s a squashbuckling pirate
44. What lies at the bottom of the ocean cowering away?
A nervous wreck.
45. What do you call a sailor who’ll never let you see him cry?
A private-tear.
46. Sailor 1: Did you see what happened to the rope?
Sailor 2: Afraid not
47. Why did the sailor ground his son?
His grades were below sea level
48. What did the cyclops sailor say to his captain?
Eye captain
49. What are 3.14% of sailors?
Pi-rates
50. Why do sailors eat shellfish when rain is being forecasted?
Because it is the clam before the storm.
51. A sailor was drilling holes in a yacht. A police officer approaches the sailor and asks him what he is doing. The sailor puts down the drill and says, “Oh, me? Uhhhm… as a matter of fact, I am here to bless the ship.” The police officer looks skeptical, “You’re here to bless the ship?”
“Yes, that’s right! I am making it very holy.”
52. A sailor brings his boat up to a restaurant dock to eat lunch. The dockhand says, “I’m sorry, sir, but I can’t let you dine here today. This establishment has a necktie policy, and you are not wearing one.” “Of course I don’t have a tie on,” replied the sailor, “I’m on a boat!” “Well, go down below and put one on,” said the dockhand. “I don’t HAVE one!” shouted the sailor. The dockhand, not wanting to turn away a customer, said: “Well, why don’t you just find something that approximates a tie. That should be OK.” After some time, the sailor comes out with a pair of jumper cables. “This is all I could find to put around my neck,” he said.
Sighing, the deck hand said: “OK, I’ll let you in with those, but just don’t start anything.”
53. A thirsty sailor runs from his boat to the nearest bar and shouts to the bartender, “Give me twenty shots of your best scotch, quick!” The bartender pours out the shots, and the sailor drinks them as fast as he can. The bartender is very impressed and exclaims, “Wow. I never saw anybody drink that fast.” The sailor replies, “Well, you’d drink that fast too, if you had what I have.” The bartender says, “Oh my God! What is it? What do you have?”
“Fifty cents!” replied the sailor.
54. An English sailor just off the coast of Germany discovers that his boat is taking on water. Alarmed, he calls the German coastguard by radio: “Hello coastguard, I’m sinking, I’m sinking!”
There was a pause for a few seconds, before the coastguard replies, “OK … Vat are you sinking about?
55. A sailor and a pirate are in a bar recounting their adventures at sea. Seeing the pirate’s peg-leg, hook, and eye patch the sailor asks: “So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?” The pirate replies: “We were caught in a huge storm and a giant wave swept me overboard. Just as me crew were pullin’ me out a school of sharks appeared and one of ’em bit me leg off.” “Blimey!” said the sailor . “And how’d you get the hook?” “Arrrr…”, mused the old salt, “I got into a fight over a woman in a bar, and me hand got chopped off.” “Blimey!” remarked the sailor. “And how about the eye patch?” “Oh that,” said the pirate, looking embarrassed. A seagull droppin’ fell into me eye.” “You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?” the sailor asked incredulously.
“Well…” said the old sea dog, ” it was me first day with the hook.”
56. A woman was nearing the end of her tether – every night her husband was snored so loudly that it kept her awake. She decided to call the family doctor to see if there was anything that could be done to relieve her nightly suffering. “Well, there is one operation I can perform that will cure your husband of his snoring,” said the doctor, “but I must warn you that it is rather expensive. It will cost you a deposit of $15,000, and payments of $2,000 for 48 months, as well as money for extras.” “Good grief!” exclaimed the woman. “That sounds like I’m buying a yacht!”
“Hmm,” the doctor murmured, “too obvious, huh?
We hope that you’ve enjoyed these sailor jokes. If you have, we think that you will enjoy these boat jokes, shark jokes or these weather jokes too!