Pirate jokes are a fun way to break the ice. Everyone has an image of pirates in their mind and that is something you can use to your advantage. While we may think of pirates as one-eyed swashbucklers, that is not really the case. Nonetheless, cracking a pirate jokes or throwing out a pirate pun can be a great way to get a laugh or two!

Here are some funny pirate jokes that you will enjoy sharing with friends or colleagues – not that we are saying that your colleagues are pirates. But who knows, righty my matey?

Funny Pirate Jokes that Make You Go Arr

1. What’s the difference between a pirate and a cranberry farmer?
A pirate buries his treasure, but a cranberry farmer treasures his berries.

2. What does a pirate name his dog?
The Plank. That’s why he’s always walking The Plank.

3. How do pirates know that they are pirates?
Because they think, therefore they ARRRR!

4. Why is pirating so addictive?
Because once your lose your first hand, you get hooked.

5. What do pirates wear for Halloween?
A pumpkin patch.

6. Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
Because they can spend years at C.

7. Why’d the pirate go to the Apple store?
Because he needed a new ipatch.

8. Why type of socks do Scottish pirates wear?
Arrrrgyle.

9. Why can’t the pirates fire their weapons on Saturdays?
Because they only cannon Sundays!

10. What do you call a pirate that skips class?
Captain Hooky.

11. A pirate goes to the doctor to have the spots on his arm examined. The doctor says to the pirate, “They’re benign.” The pirate replies the doctor and says,”No, no doc, there be eleven. I counted them before I came here.”

12. How do you make a pirate very angry?
You take away the “p”.

13. What did the pirate Santa Claus say on Christmas Eve?
Row, row, row!

14. What’s a pirate’s favorite camera brand?
Cannon

15. Why didn’t the ammunition leave the pirate’s gun?
Because it got stuck in the barrel.

16. What do pirates wear when it gets really cold?
Long Johns.

17. What is a pirate’s favorite nursery rhyme?
Row, row, row your boat.

18. How did the pirate call his mate?
On his aye phone.

19. What did the first mate send down the toilet?
The Captain’s log!

20. Who gets to watch all their movies for free?
Pirates

21. What did the pirate say when he became an octogenarian?
Aye matey years old!

22. What’s a pirate’s worst enemy?
Termites.

23. Why did the pirate cross the road?
Because he needed to get to the second-hand shop.

24. Why don’t pirates go to strip clubs?
Because they already have all the booty they could want!

25. Have you heard any good pirate jokes?
Neither have ayeeee.

26. What’s a pirate’s favorite music genre?
Arrrrrr & B.

27. What happened when Bluebeard fell overboard in the Red Sea?
He got marooned.

28. What happened when Bluebeard fell overboard in the Red Sea?
He got wet. Duh.

29. What happened when Bluebeard fell overboard in the Red Sea?
Bluebeard never went to the Red Sea.

30. What do you call a pirate who steals from the rich and gives to the poor?
Robin Hook.

More Funny Pirate Jokes

Arrrr you ready for more funny pirate jokes that will make even Blackbeard blush and break out in laughter?

31. Why are pirates always so healthy?
Because they always get such a good dose of vitamin sea.

32. A pirate had just struck gold and accumulated a lot of treasure after a raid. He wants to celebrate and commemorate his plundering. He takes his bag of treasure and goes into the port. He decides that he wants to get a set of gold earrings for the occasion. However, he realises that he doesn’t have his ears pierced. So he walks into a dingy looking establishment that has a sign that says “Piercings Done Here”. He asks the man sitting at the counter, “How much does it cost for a Pirate to get his ears pierced?” The man replies, “About a Buccaneerrrrr.”

33. What’s a pirate’s favorite kind of food?
BARRRR-B-Q!

34. What’s a pirate’s least favorite kind of food?
Plank-ton!

35. How much did the pirate pay for his peg and hook?
An arm and a leg.

36 What do you call a pirate with no arms and no legs?
An expert pirate.

37. What do you call a pirate with 2 arms and 2 legs?
A rookie.

38. What’s a pirate’s favorite exercise?
The plank!

39. What do you call a pirate mutiny?
A conspira-sea!

40. Where can ye find a pirate who has lost his wooden legs?
Right where you left him!

41. What’s a pirate’s favorite musical instrument?
The guit-arrrr

42. What’s the name of the world’s most frugal pirate?
Barry D. Treasure

43. Why does the pirate carry his sword?
Because swords can’t walk. Duh.

44. Why does the pirate carry his parrot on his shoulder?
Because the parrot cannot fit in his pocket.

45. Why does the pirate bury his treasure?
Because the treasure won’t bury itself.

46. Where do pirates go for a drink?
The sandbar

47. How did the pirate get his pirate ship at such a good price?
He bought it on sail.

48. What’s a pirate’s favorite school subject?
Arrrrrr-t.

49. What did the pirate name his son?
Arr-thur.

50. To err is human. To arr is pirate.

51. What’s a pirate use his cell phone for?
Booty calls

52. Why did the pirate go on vacation?
He needed a little arrrr and arrr.

53. What do you call a stupid pirate?
The pillage idiot

54. Why did nobody want to play cards with the pirate?
Because he was standing on the deck.

55. What’s a pirates favorite part of a song?
The hook!

56. What’s a pirate’s favorite kind of fish?
Swordfish

57. Why don’t pirates shower before they walk the plank?
Because they’ll just wash up on shore later.

58. How do you save a dying pirate?
Perform CP-ARRRRR

59. How do pirates prefer to communicate?
Aye to aye!

60. What kind of grades did the pirate get in school?
High Cs.

Even More Pirate Jokes & Puns

Grab your cutlass and get ready to cut into some more of the best pirate jokes and puns around!

61. Where do pirates keep their valuables?
In a j-arrrrr.

62. What does the pirate say when his leg gets stuck in the freezer?
Shiver me timbers!

63. Why’d the pirate join Gold’s Gym?
To improve his booty.

64. When do pirates get to eat cake?
When they reach a dessert island.

65. What does a vegan pirate do in jail?
St-arrrrr-ve.

66. What did the ocean say to the pirate?
Nothing, it just waved.

67. Why was the pirate sad when his parrot left?
Because it gave him the cold shoulder!

68. Why do pirates bury their treasure 18 inches under the ground?
Because booty is only shin deep.

69. Where does a one-legged pirates go for brunch?
IHOP!

70. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.

71. What’s a pirate’s favorite type of strength training exercise?
The plank!

72. When do pirates remove the anchor?
At the kraken of dawn.

73. What’s the difference between a hungry pirate and a drunken pirate?
One has a rumbling tummy, and the other’s a tumbling rummy.

74. What has 8 legs, 8 arms, and 8 eyes?
8 pirates.

75. What does a dyslexic pirate say?
RRRRRRA!

76. What’s a pirate’s least favorite vegetable?
Leeks

77. Why did the pirate get lost?
He was not shore which way to go.

78. Why did the pirate always regale the crew with stories of his youth?
Because those were his most treasured memories.

79. Why do pirates bury their treasure 18 inches under the ground?
Because booty is only shin deep.

80. Why did the pirate cross the road?
To sea what’s on the other side.

We hope that you’ve enjoyed these funny pirate jokes. If you have, we think that you will also enjoy these plumber jokes and these police jokes too.