Sometimes, it is good to have a laugh at some money jokes and money puns in order to lighten things up. While we may often be concerned about our finances, the topic of money can also be a good chance to find some levity in the situation as well.
We have a whole bank load of money jokes that you can cash in on. There are also funny and hilarious money puns that you can enjoy as well.
Funny Money Jokes & Money Puns to Get You Laughing Till Pay Day!
1. What do you call a vampire who is into finance?
Account Dracula.
2. Where is the only place where you can always find money?
In the dictionary.
3. Why are Irish bankers so successful?
Because their capital’s always Dublin.
4. I need a new bank account. My current one has run out of money.
5. My daughter wants to be really scary this Halloween so instead of a costume, she is going to every door as an insurance salesman.
6. I won $5 million on the lottery this weekend so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity. Now I have $4,999,999.75.
7. Why do goalkeepers have so much money in the bank?
Because they are really good at saving.
8. Did you hear about the guy who made a lot of money investing in apples?
Turns out he was in cider trading.
9. If money really did grow on trees, what would be everyone’s favorite season?
Fall.
10. The stock market is weird. Every time one guy sells, another one buys, and they both think they’re smart.
11. How do cows pay for things?
With moo-la!
12. Why did the banker quit his job?
He lost interest.
13. What’s the best part about Valentine’s Day?
The day after when all the chocolate goes on sale.
14. Why is money called dough?
Because we all knead it.
15. Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
Because he wanted cold hard cash!
16. If you want to get rich, why should you keep your mouth shut?
Because silence is golden.
17. Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Halibut.
Halibut who?
Halibut lending me a few bucks?
18. What’s the difference between a $20 steak and a $55 steak?
February 14th.
19. How do dinosaurs pay their bills?
With Tyrannosaurus checks!
20. When ants go missing, who do you call?
The Department of Finance.
21. Why did the poor man have such a short memory?
Because he could not pay attention.
22. My landlord says he needs to come talk to me about how high my heating bill is. I told him, “My door is always open”.
23. I had my credit card stolen the other day but I didn’t bother to report it because the thief spends less than me.
24. Why did the accountant fall out of bed?
Because he forgot his balance sheet.
25. Where do fish deposit their money?
In a river bank.
26. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash?
Cash who?
No thanks, but I’ll take a peanut.
27. A girl asks her mother “How old are you?”
Her mother replied “Older than most mortgages.”
28. What did the comedian say when he walked into the bank to rob it?
This is a stand-up.
29. Why was the credit card so nervous to talk to the cash register?
It had a lot of interest.
30. Having teenagers is just paying for a bunch of dates that you don’t get to go on.
More Funny Money Jokes and Hilarious Money Puns
31. Why did the ghost get evicted from the graveyard?
Because he was dead broke.
32. You take away the looks, money, intelligence, charm and success and, really, there’s no real difference between me and George Clooney.
33. Why didn’t the man report his stolen credit card?
Because the thief was spending less than he did.
34. My first child has gone off to college and I feel a great emptiness in my life. Specifically, in my checking account.
35. Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Cannelloni.
Cannelloni who?
Cannelloni some money til payday?
36. Money isn’t everything but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
37. Why didn’t the quarter roll down the hill with the nickel?
Because it had more cents.
38. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Celeste.
Celeste who?
Celeste time I lend you money!
39. Why did the woman always walk around all day with her purse open?
Because the forecaster predicted change in the weather.
40. How can you be sure you have counterfeit money?
If it’s a three-dollar bill, you can be sure.
41. Money talks but all mine ever says is good-bye.
42. How did the pirate get such a good price on his ship?
It was on sail
43. Nothing says’ I love my dog’ quite like spending more money on his haircut than you do your own
44. I am going to qualify for free shipping no matter how much it costs.
45. Where does 007 invest his money?
In the bond market.
46. A man finds a genie on the beach. For his very first wish, he wishes to be rich. Nodding, the genie assures him it’s done. The man excitedly logs into his online bank account expecting to find about a billion dollars or even a trillion dollars – only to find no change to his balance. Impatiently, the genie says, “Get on with it, Rich. I haven’t got all day.”
47. What do rich clouds do?
Make it rain!
48. A boy asked his bitcoin-investing dad for one bitcoin for his birthday.
Dad: “What? $35,554? $44,354 is a lot of money! What do you need $26,782 for anyway?”
49. Living on earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the sun.
50. Is everything expensive or I’m just broke all the time?
51. How does a bear deposit its money?
With direct de-paws-it.
52. Why are men like bank accounts?
Because the more money they have, the more interest they generate.
53. I remember being in so much debt that I couldn’t afford my electricity bills. It was a dark time.
54. I am currently boycotting the companies that sell items I can’t afford.
55. College is the opposite of kidnapping. They demand $100,000 from you or they’ll send your kid back.
56. Why did the bank teller get fired?
A customer asked if they could check their balance and the teller pushed them over.
57. Why did the dollar go to therapy?
Because it had too many issues with change!
58. Why did the credit card flee the country?
To get away from all the charges.
59. What do you call an ant who is great with money?
An account-ant!
60. Why is it dangerous to lend money to a friend?
Because it might damage their memory.
Even More Money Jokes that You can Bank On
61. Where do vampires keep their money?
In the blood bank.
62. There’s nothing I’ve learned from being a parent that I couldn’t just as easily have figured out from setting all my money on fire.
63. When does it rain money?
When there is change in the weather.
64. Uber lost over a billion dollars in the last six months so they’re asking their drivers to check between the seat cushions.
65. If time is money are ATMs?
Time machines.
66. What do you get if you cross a sorceress with a millionaire?
A very witch person.
67. Why don’t Leprechauns ever have enough money?
Because they’re always a bit short.
68. Why isn’t ten cents worth as much as it used to be?
The dimes have changed.
69. A mathematician, an accountant and an economist apply for the same job.
The interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks “What do two plus two equal?” The mathematician replies “Four.” The interviewer asks “Four, exactly?” The mathematician looks at the interviewer incredulously and says “Yes, four, exactly.”
Then the interviewer calls in the accountant and asks the same question “What do two plus two equal?” The accountant says “On average, four – give or take ten percent, but on average, four.”
Then the interviewer calls in the economist and poses the same question “What do two plus two equal?” The economist gets up, locks the door, closes the shade, sits down next to the interviewer and says, “What do you want it to equal”?
70. Why do I keep paying the bills? It just encourages them to send more.
71. How can you get rich by eating?
Eat fortune cookies.
72. If marriage is grand, then what is divorce?
Ten grand!
73. Where do polar bears keep their money?
In snowbanks.
74. I live in constant fear that my kid will become a famous artist or painter and I will have thrown out about a trillion dollars of her work.
75. If you think nobody cares whether you’re alive, try missing a couple of credit card payments.
76. I let my kids follow their dreams, unless I already paid the registration fee on their last dream, then they follow that for 6-8 more weeks.
77. Up until I bought this bag of chips I thought the air was free.
78. I don’t mean to brag but I’m helping a Nigerian Prince with a pretty serious financial matter. I can’t really talk about it.
79. A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.
80. What did the duck say after he went shopping?
Put it on my bill!
81. What type of money do crabs use?
Sand dollars!
82. What do you call it when you lend money to a bison?
Buff-a-loan!
83. Personal financing is very INTERESTing.
84. If you can count your money, you don’t have a billion dollars.
85. Why should you borrow money from pessimists?
Because they don’t expect it back.
86. What’s the best way to get in touch with your long-lost relatives?
Win the lottery.
87. I now know why I used to love Christmas as a child. I did not have to pay for the gifts!
88. How much money does a skunk have?
One scent!
89. “The trick is to stop thinking of it as ‘your’ money,” said the IRS auditor.
If you enjoyed these funny money jokes and puns, we think that you will also appreciate these finance jokes, accountant jokes, marketing jokes or these bank jokes.