Librarians may sometimes appear to be very strict and disciplined bunch but really they are a fun loving group. These librarian jokes will surely tickle their funny bone. Just don’t read them in the library in case you get shooshed out for making too much noise by laughing.
Here are some hilarious librarian jokes so that you will have a good “tome” with your friends.
Funny Librarian Jokes
1. Did you hear about the librarian who got injured by falling books?
It was determined that the librarian had only his shelf to blame.
2. Did you hear about the librarian who was asked if she had a book about Pavlov’s Dog and Schrodinger’s Cat?
She said it rang a bell but wasn’t sure if it was there or not.
3. What did the rabbit say to the librarian?
“Can I burrow this book, please?”
4. Librarian: Can I help you?
Man: Yeah, I’m looking for a book about –
Librarian: Being psychic?
Man: No…
Librarian: Darn, one day that will work.
5. Did you hear about the man who was arrested for punching a librarian?
They threw the book at him.
6. Did you hear about librarian who got a new job at the prison library?
It has its prose and cons.
7. What does a librarian take with him when he goes fishing?
A bookworm.
8. Did you hear about the librarian that was in an earthquake?
She was caught up by a title wave.
9. What’s the best type of dog to bring to a library?
A hush puppy.
10. How does a librarian organize his music collection?
He uses the Dewey Decibel System.
11. Where do librarians store the books on theoretical physics?
In the Non-Friction section.
12. Why did the librarian kick the mime out of the library?
Because actions speak louder than words.
13. A man walks into a library.
Man: “Have you got any books on single life?”
Librarian: “Sorry, they’re all taken.”
14. Man: Could you direct me to the self-help books?
Librarian: That sort of defeats the purpose doesn’t it?
15. Did you hear about the librarian who put out a display of invisible books on April Fools’ Day?
Her patrons saw right through it.
16. A man asked a pregnant librarian at the public library when her baby was due.
She replied, “Oh the baby is mine, I get to keep it”
17. What is a librarian’s favorite Mediterranean food?
A shush-kebab.
18. What did the librarian say when the books on the shelves were in a mess?
We ought to be ashamed of ourshelves.
19. A man asked a librarian if there are any books on discrimination against people in wheelchairs.
She replied, “Yes, it’s up the stairs, on the top shelf to the left.”
20. Did you hear about the librarian named Mark who works in the local library?
He is a bookmark.
21. A man walks into a library and says to a librarian “I’d like a double cheeseburger, French fries and a large diet soda.”
The librarian replies him saying, “I’m sorry sir but this is a library”.
The guy says in a whisper, “Oh, sorry, I’d like a double cheeseburger, French fries and a large diet soda.”
22. A guy goes into the library and asks the librarian, “I’m looking for a book of jokes with disappointing punchlines.”
The librarian shows him exactly what he’s looking for.
23. What do you call a librarian with a sore throat?
A hoarse whisperer.
24. Who works in the tallest building in the world?
The librarian because the library has so many stories.
25. Did you hear about the librarian who was in court today and charged with erasing all the full stop in the books at the library?
He got an extended sentence.
More Librarian Jokes for a Laughing Good Time
Ready for more funny librarian jokes? We have some more that are sure to brighten up your day!
26. Why are librarians such good travel buddies?
Because they know how to book a trip.
27. Kid: Mr Librarian, do you have a book about turtles?
Librarian: Hard back?
Kid: Yes, with little heads.
28. What is the librarians’ favorite Christmas song?
Silent Night.
29. What sport do librarians hate the most?
Tennis. Too much racket.
30. It’s hard to ask a librarian to go on a date?
Because they are always booked.
31. Why did the librarian need help to restock the book shelves in the library?
Because she couldn’t figure it out, them shelves.
32. Did you hear about the librarian that got sunburnt while on holiday?
He is well red.
33. What is a librarian’s favourite drink?
Tequila Mockingbird.
34. Why did the librarian kick the clock out of the library?
Because it tocked too much.
35. Did you hear about the man who went to the library and asked the librarian if they carried a book called “How To Deal With Rejection”?
He started to shake and weep when she told him “no”.
36. How can you tell when a librarian is not paying attention?
When he appears checked out.
37. What did the boy librarian say to the girl librarian?
Dewey belong together.
38. What did the librarian do when it was winter time?
She helped the books put on their book jackets.
39. Why are librarians always happy and cheerful?
Because the library brings with it many happy returns.
40. Man: Do you now where I can find a book about dinosaurs?
Librarian: I don’t know any myself personally but maybe you can try Sarah Topps.
41. What did the library manager say to motivate his librarians when it came to stock-taking day?
He said to them, “Believe in your shelf.”
42. What did Dracula say to the librarian?
Do you know any good books that I sink my teeth into?
43. Why did the tree go to the library?
To leaf through a good book.
44. What do geeky librarians say to each other on Star Wars Day each May?
May the source be with you.
45. Why did the ghost keep asking the librarian for new book recommendations?
Because he went through the books too quickly.
46. Why are librarians so healthy?
Because libraries are good for circulation.
47. Why wasn’t the librarian able to visit the world’s largest library?
Because it was overbooked.
48. What did the romantic librarian say to his date?
ISBN thinking about you.
49. What did the librarian who was caught stealing from the library say in his defence?
I just couldn’t help my shelf.
50. What did the librarian decide to do when she had heard too many librarian jokes?
She put them on hold.
If you enjoyed these librarian jokes, we predict that you will also enjoy these silly baker jokes or these funny plumber jokes.