Calling all Potterheads! Do you need your daily dose of Harry Potter jokes to have a magical day? We have conjured up an entire series of incantations that you will love if you need to get people laughing away.
Did you know that the idea for the Harry Potter series came to J.K. Rowling during a train journey from Manchester to London in 1990. It has grown to be loved by millions and there are so many funny plot moments in the series too. It is no wonder that you can find many Harry Potter jokes and puns that play off the various characters and situations in the series.
Harry Potter Jokes for a Magical Laugh
1. Do you like Harry Potter?
Because I a-Dumbledore you!
2.What is Harry Potter’s favorite way to get down a hill?
Walking. JK. Rolling.
3. Why is Mad-Eye Moody such a bad professor?
Because he can’t control his pupils.
4. Why couldn’t Harry Potter find Hermione?
He was looking at all the Ron places
5. Why can’t Harry Potter draw a straight line ?
He can only draw Diagon Alley.
6. What do you call a postal carrier who can speak to packages?
A parcel tongue.
7. Why doesn’t Voldemort have glasses?
Nobody nose.
8. Why was Harry Potter sent to Dumbledore’s office?
Because he was cursing in class.
9. What did the comedian say to Harry Potter?
“Why so Sirius?”
10. Are you a Dementor?
You just took my breath away.
11. Why did Severus Snape stand in the middle of the road?
So you’d never know which side he was on.
12. Did you know that if you take the first two letters of the title of each the 7 Harry Potter books, it spells out a secret message?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
13. How does Harry Potter get rid of a rash?
With quit-itch.
14. How do Death Eaters freshen their breath?
With Dementos.
15. What do you call the entrance to a magical gym?
A dumbbell door.
16. I found the first four Harry Potter books to be quite light-hearted.
The fifth one was dead Sirius.
17. How much does it cost to watch Harry Potter play his favorite sport?
A quid each.
18. Why did the protons vote for Harry Potter to be president?
Because they didn’t want to elect Ron.
19. On a scale of one to 10, how obsessed with the Harry Potter Series am I?
Nine and three quarters.
20. Knock, knock.
Who’s there? You know? You-know-who? Exactly, AVADA KEDAVRA!
21. How many Slytherins does it take to stir a cauldron?
Just one. He puts his wand in and the cauldron revolves around her.
22. Two Hungarian Horntails walk into a pub.
The first one says, “Sure is hot in here.” The second one snaps back, “Shut your mouth!”
23. What do you call a wizard with his hand in a thestral’s mouth?
A mechanic.
24. Which side of a centaur has more hair?
The outside.
25. Why does Voldemort love Nagini so much?
Because she gives him hugs and kisses.
26. What is Aragog’s favorite day of the week?
Flyday!
27. What is Bigfoot’s favorite book?
Hairy Potter.
28. What do you call a Potterhead on a horse?
Harry Trotter.
29. I met a girl who was a solid 10 but she hated Harry Potter
Now she is a 9¾
30. How is the Battle for Hogwarts like a Black Friday sale?
Weasley twins are 50 percent off.
31. What did Harry say to Hermione when she lent him a galleon?
“Thanks for the gold kind, Granger.”
32. If Hermione was a mathematician what would her kids be named?
Hermitwo and Hermithree.
33. What do you call a Hufflepuff with one brain cell?
Gifted.
34. What do you call a Hufflepuff with two brain cells?
Pregnant.
Get More Harry Potter Jokes
The Hogwarts school motto, “Draco dormiens nunquam titillandus,” translates from Latin as “Never tickle a sleeping dragon.” However, we think that you should try to tickle your listener’s funny bone with these hilarious Harry Potter jokes!
35. Snape: “VOLDEMORT’S COMING!”
Dumbledore: “Are you serious?” Snape: “No, I’m Severus.”
36. Why did Harry Potter throw away all his old potions?
They were past their hexpiration date!
37.Yo mamma has such a sweet tooth..
Her Patronus is a cake.
38. Why doesn’t Snape teach herbology?
Because his lily died.
39. How does Harry’s monthly grocery basket take next to no time when ordering online?
Prior-In-Cart-Item.
40. How does Voldemort enter a room?
He slithers in.
41. Why is herbology Slytherin students’ favorite class?
Because it’s in the greenhouse.
42.I found the first four books of the Harry Potter series to be quite light-hearted.
But the fifth one was dead Sirius.
43.Why can’t Harry Potter tell the difference between his potions pot and his best friend?
They’re both cauldron.
44. Did you survive Avada Kedavra?
Because you’re drop-dead gorgeous.
45. What does Harry Potter have that The Dark Lord doesn’t?
A nose.
46. Why does Voldemort prefer Twitter over Facebook?
Because he has only followers, not friends.
47. Hagrid: “You’re a unit of power, Harry.”
Harry: “I’m a watt?”
48. What is it called when a wizard gets robbed by a Muggle?
Being muggled.
49. What do you call an electrocuted Dark Lord?
A Volt-demort.
50. Why did Barty Crouch Jr. quit drinking?
Because it was making him Moody.
51. I love Harry Potter, but after re-reading the chapter “The Deathday Party,” I realized something about Nearly Headless Nick.
He was a very poorly executed character.
52. How many Harry Potters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One. He holds it and the world revolves around him.
53. How many wizards does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two. One to hold the bulb. One to rotate the room.
54. How many Muggles does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One. It is the only thing they are good for.
55. How many Purebloods does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
What’s a lightbulb?
56. How does Harry Potter enter a room?
Through the Gryffin-door.
57.Why did Harry Potter get pulled over for speeding?
Because he didn’t expect-no-patrol-man.
58. How did Harry Potter get down the hill?
Walking. J/K, rolling.
59. “Harry, your godfather is dead.”
“Are you serious?!?” “Yep. Dead Sirius.”
60. “Harry, your godfather is dead.”
“Are you serious?!?” “No, I’m Snape.”
61. What did Hermione do when Harry and Ron took the flying car to school?
Finally relaxed.
62. Why doesn’t Hermione keep her money at Gringotts?
Offshore investment gains a better return.
63. Why does Ron love his pet rat so much?
It’s the pet-he-grew up with! (Get it? Pettigrew!)
64.. Why did Ron lose the election?
People thought his elect-Ron campaign was too negative.
65. Did you hear that Harry Potter refuses to acknowledge he is a fictional character?
He is in Daniel.
66. Why couldn’t Harry find Hermione?
He was looking in all the Ron places.
67. Ron lives a long, happy life and then dies. What does he reincarnate as?
A neuron.
68. How does Harry potter fuel his car?
He goes Execto petroleum
69. Roses are red, violets are blue…
If you don’t like Harry Potter puns, something is Siriusly Ron with you.
Even More Harry Potter Jokes for a Good Laugh
Several locations from the Harry Potter films are real places. For instance, the scenes at Platform 9¾ were filmed at King’s Cross Station in London, and the Great Hall is inspired by the dining hall of Christ Church College in Oxford. These real locations make Harry Potter jokes even more real and something that people can relate to!
70. What’s the difference between Harry Potter and a spelling bee contestant?
One conjures spells and the other spells conjure.
71. Which Harry Potter book is the darkest?
Order of the Phoenix, because that’s when it starts getting Dead Sirius.
72. In a snowstorm, Hagrid takes the cremated remains of Harry Potter and throws them out. What does he say?
“You’re a blizzard, Harry!”
73. What do wizards in Harry Potter use instead of laxatives?
Expellianus.
74. What do you call sending an owl to Harry Potter’s godfather?
Blackmail
75. Why was Harry Potter such a good computer programmer?
Because he spoke python.
76. What kind of drink would Harry Potter order at a bar?
Something Gin-ey
77. What happens when Harry Potter says accidental?
Someone loses a tooth.
78. How does Harry Potter listen to music?
He puts on Sirius XM.
79. A wizard walks into a pub and orders a Forgetfulness Potion. He looks to the witch next to him and asks,
“So, do I come here often?”
80. What do you call a Hufflepuff with one brain cell?
Gifted.
81. How do wizards read PDFs?
With a Dobby.
82. What did the house-elf say when he came from college?
“Dobby has no master. Dobby is a free elf.”
83. Did you hear that Harry Potter became vegan?
Now he only speaks parsleytongue
84. What do you call a house-elf in a hotel?
A Dobby in a lobby.
85. Where did Harry Potter buy a white radish?
At daikon alley
86. What does Harry Potter and your Soulmate have in common?
They’re both fictional characters.
87. Hermione got attacked by a troll in the bathroom.
Ginny got abducted in the bathroom. Moaning Myrtle got killed in the bathroom. Moral of the story? Don’t go to the bathroom alone!
88. What did Ron say when he kissed Hermione?
Your parents may be muggles, but that kiss was magical!
89. Why did the protons vote for Harry Potter to be president?
Because they didn’t want to elect Ron.
90. Where might you find Dumbledore’s Army?
Up his sleeve-y!
91. The barman says, “We don’t serve time-travelers here.”
Hermione walks into a pub with a Time-Turner.
92. How do you know if someone is a pureblood?
Oh, don’t worry. They’ll tell you.
93. Why did Harry Potter cross the road?
No reason. But we’re sure someone will still write fan-fiction about it.
94 Harry Potter would make a great mafia boss
He always catches the snitch
95. Is your name Oliver Wood?
Because you’re definitely a keeper.
96. Harry Potter fans be like: “I wanna go to Hogwarts!”
Narnia fans be like: “I wanna go to Narnia!” Hunger Games fans be like: “I’m good…”
97. What’s the difference between a comma and Crookshanks?
Crookshanks has claws at the end of his paws, and a comma is a pause at the end of a clause.
98. Hermione: “You’re a great wizard, you really are!”
Harry: “Not as good as you.” Hermione: “I said ‘wizard,’ not ‘witch.’”
99. I named my lizard Harry just so I can say,
“You’re a lizard, Harry!”
100. I finally read Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone.
I know it’s only 6 words, but I’m proud of myself.
101. Why did Harry Potter bring his pig to the vet?
Because it had hog warts.
We hope that you have enjoyed these funny Harry Potter jokes and puns. True fans will definitely appreciate all of them. We think that you will also appreciate these owl jokes, cookie jokes, giraffe jokes, unicorn jokes and basketball jokes too!