Boat jokes are a great way to get a laugh from nautical enthusiasts. Good boat puns will also definitely float your boat. Whether you prefer a large boat, a small boat or a medium sized maritime vessel to be the subject of your humor, there are so many ways to have a good laugh at boats.

Those working in the maritime industry will surely find these boat jokes both amusing and remarkable. We think that they will most definitely get everyone going “oh, buoy, oh buoy!”

Funny Boat Jokes To Float Your Boat!

1. What happened when the boat carrying red paint crashed into a boat carrying blue paint?
The crews of both boats were marooned.

2. Did you hear about the shipwrights who had to make a boat out of stone?
It sure was a hardship!

3. How long does it take the average person to become a boat captain?
The average person never becomes a boat captain.

4. What was the name of the dentist’s office, which got opened on a boat?
The tooth ferry.

5. Did you hear about the man who took a laptop on the fishing boat one day and then it fell in.
It was Adele, rolling in the deep.

6. What do you call a boat with AI?
A row-bot.

7. What boat is most liked by all the vampires?
A blood vessel.

8. Why did the boat return to the shore?
Because it wanted to check back for moor.

9. What do you call it when one boat follows another boat too closely?
Sailgating.

10. Why did the motor boat sink when it was moored against the pontoon?
It gave in to pier pressure!

11. What was the name of the optometrist who came on the boat?
A see captain.

12. What do you call just over three rodents on a boat?
Pi-rats.

13. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck!

14. When the bottom of a cargo boat got a hole, what did it have?
One hull of a problem.

15. Did you hear that the cost of a galvanized hull has gone up?
It sure is enough to zinc a ship.

16. Did you hear about the boat captain that ran aground on the unmarked coral reefs?
He couldn’t fathom why.

17. Where did Bugs Bunny decide to park his boat?
At the “What’s-up dock!”

18. What did the boat captain say when he got stuck trying to navigate through a narrow channel?
We’re in dire straits!

19. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Canoe.
Canoe, who?
Canoe answer the door, please?

20. Why is sailing like oil drilling?
They’re both a crewd business!

21. What do you call a ship that’s 50% off?
A sale boat.

22. Why couldn’t the famous pirate sell his ship?
Because it was unassailable.

23. What do you call four Spanish guys in a capsized boat?
Quatro sinko.

24. Why was the boat nervous when it came to the time of the year for its performance review?
Because it is pier-reviewed.

25. Why did the Norwegian sell their boat?
Because he couldn’t a-fjord it!

26. Why did the admiral decide against buying a new hat?
Because he was worried about cap sizing.

27. Where does a boat go when it’s poorly?
To the doc!

More Funny Boat Jokes to Get Plenty of Laughs

28. Why should you not be nervous about meeting new people on a cruise?
Because everyone is in the same boat.

29. Why does the Norwegian navy have barcodes on the side of their ships?
So that when the ships come back into port they can Scandinavian!

30. Why did the restaurant refuse to allow the sailor to enter in and dine there?
Because he seemed a little dinghy.

31. Why were ancient seagoing vessels more fuel efficient than modern day ones?
Because they got thousands of miles to the galleon.

32. How to make a boat feel healthy?
Just give it some vitamin sea.

33. Did you hear about the sailor who once had a fear of boats?
Thankfully for him, that ship has sailed.

34. What did the sea say to the boat?
Nothing. It just waved.

35. A very nervous first-time crew member says to the skipper, “Do boats like this sink very often?”
“Not too often,” replied the skipper. “Usually only once.”

36. What do you call a sail with only two corners?
I haven’t got a clew!

37. Where do the most creatures like zombies go sailing during Halloween?
To the Dead Sea.

38. What music band is not allowed to perform on a boat?
Maroon 5.

39. What is so fascinating about the iceberg named Bluetooth?
Any boat that goes near it will sync.

40. What kind of vegetable is not allowed on boats?
Leeks.

41. What did the deck say to the waves that came crashing on board?
“Water you doing here!?”

42. Did you hear about the juggler on the boat who was able to juggle twenty paddles.
It was oar inspiring.

43. Did you hear that Apple just announced their new electric vehicle, the iCar? Rumour has it that they are working on a self-driving boat as well. Do you know it is called?
iAye.

44. What is the most crowded and caring boat called?
A friend-ship

45. What is the name of the boat made of stones?
A hard-ship.

46. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat & drink beer all day.

47. What is the name of the fastest sailboat in the world?
Usain Boat.

48. Did you hear about the big paddle sale at the boat store?
It is quite an oar deal.

49. Why are fast yachts like popular furniture stores?
Because they both always seem to have a sail on

50. Did you know you can tell the difference between male and female ants by dropping them in a glass of water?
If it sinks – girl ant. If it floats – boy ant!!

51. Why did the dolphin chase the boat?
To find its porpoise.

52. What is a boat captain’s least favorite rock band?
Dire Straits.

53. Why was the boat considered a very practical mode of transport?
Because it was anchored in reality.

54. Which movie do sailors like to watch on a boat the most?
The Codfather.

Even More Boat Jokes & Puns

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55. What is another name for boat’s captain?
A sails manager!

56. How do sailors on different boats greet each other?
They start waving.

57. Why do scuba-divers fall backwards off the boat?
Because if they fell forwards they’d fall back into the boat.

58. Did you hear about the disciplinarian boat captain?
He had a stern face.

59. What is a boat owner’s happiest two days?
The day they buy a boat and the day they sell it.

60. Two Eskimos, sitting in a kayak, were very chilly. To keep warm, they lit a fire in the craft, but it sank. They should have known. You can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

61. What did the boat captain do when one of the crew misbehaved?
He gave the crew a stern talking to.

62. What kind of detergent do sailors use on boats the most?
Tide.

63. Did you hear about the man who wanted to buy a boat but got cold feet?
He decided to frigate the sail.

64. Did you hear about the man who races boats?
He must be a fast swimmer!

65. Did you hear about the boat that was improperly moored to the dock?
It was there knot for long.

66. What was the name of the boat filled with football players?
Sportsman-ship.

67. Why did the clever students go on the boat?
To get their scholar-ship!

68. Did you hear about the two boats that fell in love?
It was only for a fleeting moment.

69. How was the boat turned into a party boat?
Through pier pressure.

70. The New York Times just contracted me to row a boat for a upcoming story.
I’m the Times’s new Row-man.

71. Why was ‘Pirates of the Caribbean’ not allowed to play on the cruise?
Because of censor-ship!

72. What do sailors use to blow their noses?
Anchor-chiefs.

73. Why did the sailor suddenly jump into the sea?
To test the water.

74. Why could not the sailors play the game of cards?
Because the captain was standing on the deck.

75. If the internet had a boat, where would they park it?
In Google Docs.

76 There were three men in a boat with four cigarettes but no lighter, what do they do
They throw one cigarette overboard and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

77. A sailor docks his boat by a riverside restaurant for lunch. The dockhand says: “I’m sorry, sir, but you can’t come in. We have a strict tie policy and you are not wearing one.” …. “How could I,” replied the sailor angrily, “I’m on a boat. Let me in”. The dockhand, who did not want any trouble said, “Ok, just find something that could be a tie and wear that.” The sailor heads down below the boat and comes back up with a pair of battery jump leads around his neck. “This is all I can find” he said, with a frown, at the deckhand. Sighing, the dockhand says: “OK, you can come in …. just don’t start anything.”

78. The Steamboat Captain brought his son along on a short cruise upriver to show him what he does for a living. All the kid wanted to do was steer the boat. Insisting that his father taught him enough to handle the job he asked the pilot to let him take the helm. “Okay”, said the pilot , “but you must pass a small test first. If I asked you to turn to the left, what nautical term should I use?” “Turn to Port”, said the boy. “Correct”, said the pilot. “If I wanted you to turn the boat to the right, what direction would that be?” “Starboard”, said boy grinning from ear to ear. “Good for you”, said the pilot. “And straight?” asked the pilot. The boy quickly replied, ” Without ice.”

79. From the dock the woman watched as the salty old sailing captain skilfully docked his boat. She was impressed that such an old man would still be sailing at his age. She decided to wait until the sailing captain disembarked. As he did, she asked him,” Captain, what is your secret to leading such a long and productive life?” “Well,” he said. “I would have to say it’s because I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day, drink a case of whisky every week, eat a lot of fatty foods and I never exercise.” “Wow, that’s amazing,” the woman said. “exactly how old are you?” He answered, “Thirty-one.”

80. A German radio operator, while monitoring the emergency channels, heard a distressed voice coming from a boat saying, “we are sinking, we are sinking”, The operator keyed the mike and said, “Okay, what are you sinking about?”

81. I can’t think of any more boat jokes and puns. Canoe?

We hope that you have enjoyed these funny boat jokes. If you have, we think that you will also enjoy these science jokes or these shoe jokes.