Footballer jokes are great for sharing around the laughter around the locker room with your mates. Whether you are planning to score a goal or just to hang out with your fellow footballers, these funny football jokes are great for getting a laugh.
Let’s get down to kicking about these footballer jokes for a great time!
Footballer Jokes for a Laughing Good Time
1. Why did the footballer take a piece of rope onto the pitch?
Because he was the skipper!
2. Why was the footballer upset on his birthday?
Because he got a red card!
3. What did the referee say to the chicken who tripped a defender?
“Fowl!”
4. How do football players stay cool during a game?
They stand near the fans!
5. Which football team loves ice-cream?
Aston Vanilla!
6. Why are footballers like babies?
They both dribble!
7. What is a footballer’s least favorite drink?
Penal-tea!
8. What do Lionel Messi and a magician have in common?
Both do hat-tricks!
9. The new manager of a struggling football team was strict and won’t stand any nonsense. Last Saturday, he caught two fans climbing over the stadium wall and was angry with them. He grabbed them and said: “Get back in there and watch the game until it finishes!”
10. Where’s the best place in America for a footballer to shop for a football kit?
New Jersey!
11. What part of a football pitch smells nicest?
The scenter spot!
12. Why aren’t football stadiums built in outer space?
Because there is no atmosphere!
13. Why did the football quit the team?
It was tired of being kicked around!
14. What is a goalkeeper’s favourite snack?
Beans on post!
15. What is the best way to protect your house from terrible football?
A Guard-iola dog!
16. Why don’t you find grasshoppers playing football?
Because they prefer cricket!
17. Why did the manager bring pencils and sketchbooks into the dressing room before the game?
He was hoping for a draw!
18. What is a ghost’s favourite footballer position?
Ghoulkeeper!
19. Why did the footballer hold their boot to their ear?
Because they liked sole music!
20. Why do football players do well in school?
They know how to use their heads!
More Funny Footballer Jokes
Here are even more footballer jokes that will have you laughing and rolling on the floor, even if you are not on the pitch.
21. What’s the worst thing that can happen to a football player?
To have no goal in life.
22. What made the football player bring string to the game?
So he could tie the score.
23. Why does an octopus make a good football player?
Because it can have ten tackles.
24. What did the manager do when the pitch became flooded?
He sent on his subs!
25. What happens to football players who go blind?
They become referees.
26. Why was the the best footballer in the world asked to tidy up their room?
Because he was Messi!
27. A footballer goes to the doctor and says “It hurts when I touch my face, elbow, and knee.” The doctor says, “You’ve broken your finger”
28. What runs along the edge of the pitch but never moves?
The sideline!
29. What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship!
30. What is black and white and black and white and black and white?
A Newcastle fan rolling down a hill!
31. Who scored the most goals in the Greek Mythology League?
The centaur forward!
32. Why don’t fish play football?
They’re scared of nets!
33. Why couldn’t the car play football?
It only had one boot!
34. What did the referee say to the South American footballer in the World Cup who lied about handling the ball?
I don’t Bolivia!
35. Why did Cinderella get kicked off the football team?
Because she kept running away from the ball!
36. Are lightning bolts good at football?
No, they’re shocking!
37. Why wasn’t the football team allowed to own a dog?
Because they could not hold on to a lead.
38. Did you hear about the football players who wondered why the football kept getting bigger and bigger?
And then it hit me.
39. Why can’t football players wear glasses?
Because it is a contacts sport.
40. Why did the surfer go to the football game?
He wanted to practice the wave.
Even More Footballer Jokes for a Win
Whether your team is winning or losing, you can still appreciate these funny footballer jokes.
41. Did you hear about the football joke?
I was going to tell it but it had an offensive line.
42. Ronald, the goalkeeper of the football team, was sitting on the field after a big loss.
“My man,” an old man said behind him, “I saw you play. I think I can help you.”
“Are you a coach?”
“No, I am an eye doctor.”
43. How did the football pitch get wet?
The players dribbled all over it!
44. What did NASA use when they built a football pitch on the moon?
AstroTurf!
45. Did you hear about the butcher’s assistant who ditched work to try out for the football team?
He didn’t make the cut.
46. Where do football players go to dance?
At a football!
47. Why can’t Cinderella play football?
Her football coach is a pumpkin!
48. Who was the horse’s favorite footballer?
NEIGH-mar!
49. What do you call someone who stands inside goalposts and stops the ball rolling away?
Annette!
50. God and the devil were having an argument, and Satan proposed a football game between heaven and hell to resolve the dispute. God, in his eternal goodness, pointed out that it wouldn’t be a fair match because all the ‘good’ players go to heaven. The devil smiled, replying, “Yes, but we’ve got all the refs.”
51. What did the bumble bee say after he scored a goal?
Hive scored!
52. How do hens encourage their football teams?
They egg them on!
53. Where do Jedi play football?
On the force field!
54. Why is a football crowd learning to sing like a person opening a tin of sardines?
They both have trouble with the key!
55. What are Brazilian football fans called?
Brazil nuts!
56. What do you call a French footballer playing on a Nintendo Console?
Thierry on Wii.
57. Why did the footballer refuse to play football against a team of big cats?
Because they were cheetahs!
If you enjoyed these footballer jokes, we think that you will also enjoy these photographer jokes, soccer jokes, referee jokes and these dancer jokes.