Engineers have a rep for being quirky and sometimes socially displaced. This has led to many different engineer jokes that elicit loads of laughter. We think that engineering jokes and puns are a great way to measure up and spread some cheer around the room to lighten things up.
So here are some of the funniest and best engineer jokes that you come across, all ready to help you engineer up laughter.
Best Engineer Jokes, Puns and Sayings
1. What’s the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons while Civil Engineers build targets.
2. The primary function of the design engineer is to make things difficult for the fabricator and impossible for the service man.
3. Why did the man want to become a scarecrow engineer?
Because he wanted to be outstanding in his fied.
4. If you can’t fix it — document it.
5. Why did the energy engineer break into the bank?
To steal all the Joules.
6. Anyone can build a bridge. It take an engineer to build a bridge that can barely stand up.
7. On the first day of class, the engineering professor gets in front of the class and says, “There’s 10 types of people in the world. Those who understand binary and those who don’t.”
8. What should you give an electrical engineer for his birthday?
Shorts.
9. Why are engineers always polite when talking to each other?
Because they like to keep things civil.
10. A failure will not appear until a unit has passed final inspection.
11. What’s an electrical engineers favorite day?
Faraday.
12. What Did the Force Say to the Distance?
We’re having a moment!
13. What did the software engineering lead tell his team after he had finished fighting a fire and was ready for the team to go back to tehir previous tasks?
“Back to our regular programming”
14. What did the column say to the beam?
“So, how you holding up?”
More Hilarious Engineer Jokes & Puns
Engineers apply scientific principles, mathematics, and creativity to develop solutions to real-world problems. Their work spans a wide range of industries and disciplines, including civil, mechanical, electrical, chemical, aerospace, and computer engineering, among others. These various disciplines offer plenty of material for funny engineer jokes. So here are some more jokes about engineers and engineering.
15. What did the mechanical engineering professor tell his class on the first day of school?
“If you’re having an issue, hit it with a hammer. If that doesn’t work the problem is electrical.”
16. The optimist says: “The glass is half full.”
The pessimist says: “The glass is half empty.”
The engineer says: “The glass is twice as big as it needs to be.”
17. Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.
18. Any circuit design must contain at least one part which is obsolete, two parts which are unobtainable and three parts which are still under development.
19. Computer engineers wear Santa hats in Halloween because OCT 31 = DEC 25
20. Why do engineers always multiply the estimated project cost by pi?
To make sure that budget is irrational.
21. A load bearing beam walks into a bar. The bartender asks, “What can I get you?”
The beam replies, “Just give me a moment”
22. A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and an Engineering Department Manager were on their way to a meeting. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. The car ran out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously came to a halt scraping along the mountainside. The three men inside the car, shaken but unhurt, now had a problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no brakes. What were they to do?
“I know,” said the Departmental Manager, “Let’s have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals. And by a process of Continuous Improvement we will be able to find a solution to the Critical Problems, and we can be on our way.”
“No, no,” said the Hardware Engineer, “That will take far too long, and besides, that method has never worked before. I’ve got my Swiss Army knife with me, and in no time at all I can strip down the car’s braking system, isolate the fault, fix it, and we can be on our way.”
“Well,” said the Software Engineer, “Before we do anything, I think we should push the car back up the road and see if it happens again.”
23. A group of mathematicians and a group of engineers board a train at the plattform. The engineers each have a train ticket, while the mathematicians have only one ticket for the entire group.
As the inspector arrives to check the tickets, one of the mathematicians calls ” the inspector comes!” and the mathematicians hurry into the toilet booth. The engineers observe with awe how the inspector knocks on the door. The mathematicians pass the ticket below the door, the inspector punches it and gives it back to them.
A week later on their return trip, the same group of mathematicians and engineers meet again. This time, the engineers bought only one ticket. The mathematicians however have bought no ticket at all. Again, one of the mathematicians calls “the inspector comes!” which sends the engineers racing towards the nearest toilet. The mathematicians however slowly make their way over to the toilet on the other end of the car. All except for one mathematician that is – who stayed behind, and knocked on the door.
What do we learn from this? Engineers should not use mathmatical methods they don’t fully understand.
24. An engineer, a statistician, and a physicist are out hunting. They spot a buck, and each take turn to try and bag it.
The physicist goes first. He pulls out his lab book and quickly calculates the trajectory of the bullet, assuming it is a perfect sphere in a vacuum. The bullet falls 20m short of the deer.
The engineer goes second. He pulls out his engineering pad and book of projectile assumptions. After a few minutes he’s ready. He takes aim and he fires. The bullet lands 20m passed the deer.
The statistician triumphantly leaps in the air shouting, “We got it!”
25. A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a man below.
He descended a bit more and shouted, “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”
The man below replied, “You’re in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You’re between 59 and 60 degrees north latitude and between 107 and 108 degrees west longitude.”
“You must be an engineer,” said the balloonist.
“I am,” replied the man, “How did you know?”
“Well,” answered the balloonist, “everything you told me is technically correct, but I’ve no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I’m still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help at all. If anything, you’ve delayed my trip.”
The man below responded, “You must be in Management.”
“I am,” replied the balloonist, “but how did you know?”
“Well,” said the man, “you don’t know where you are or where you’re going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you’ve no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it’s my fault.”
26. A group of engineering professors are all sitting on a plane waiting to take off, when the captain comes over the intercom and announces that as a surprise, the entire plane has been designed and built by their students.
All the professors immediately begin panicking, desperately scrambling to get off the plane, all except for one who is still calmly sitting in his seat.
The others urge him to abandon the plane and save himself.
He replied, “Relax, I’ve watched these students grow from freshmen who could barely figure out calculus to budding young engineers. I’ve seen their lab work, checked their math, and knowing the astonishing skills they have developed in their time as students. I have complete faith that this plane won’t even start”
27. Reaching the end of a job interview, the HR manager asked the young engineer fresh out of university, “And what starting salary were you looking for?”
The young engineer said, “In the neighborhood of $100,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.”
The HR Manager said, “Well, what would you say to a package of $200,000 a year, 5 weeks of vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary and a company car leased every 2 years – say, a Mercedes?”
The engineer sat up straight and said, “Wow!!! Are you joking?”
And the HR Manager said, “Of course…but you started it.”
28. There’s a fire in the middle of a room and 3 buckets of water in the corner.
A physicist walks in, takes a bucket of water, pours it around the fire and waits for the fire to put itself out.
An engineer walks in and pours a bucket on the fire, it doesn’t go out so he goes off to check the fire safety standards.
A mathematician walks in, looks at the fire and the remaining bucket of water, convinces himself there’s a solution and walks out.
29. A wife asks her husband, an engineer, “Darling, can you please go to the shop buy one pint of milk and if they have eggs, get a dozen!”
Off he goes. Half an hour later the husband returns with 12 pints of milk.
His wife stares at him and asks, “Why on earth did you get 12 pints of milk?”
“Well… they had eggs” he replied.
30. Did you hear about the engineer that refused to do any work?
He was not lazy, he was just storing potential energy.
31. A female engineering student in college was told that she was lucky because she had so many options to find a potential boyfriend. She replied, “The odds are good, but the goods are odd.”
32. An aristocrat, his chef and chief engineer were set to be executed during the French Revolution
An aristocrat, his chef and chief engineer were set to be executed during the French Revolution.
The aristocrat is brought to the guillotine and said “I am not afraid of my mortality. I refuse a blindfold and I wish to be face up so I can look death straight in the eyes!”
The executioner accepted this request, placed the man in the guillotine and pulled the lever… but nothing happened! The blade did not drop! It was declared an act of God and proof of his innocence, and he was released.
The chef is brought to the guillotine and requests to be beheaded face up as well. And again, when the executioner pulled the lever, the blade remained motionless! The chef was released and joined his master.
Finally, the engineer is brought to the executioner. He, too, requests to lie supine. As the executioner is about to pull the lever, the engineer exclaims “OH! I see your problem!”
If you enjoyed these engineering jokes, we think that you will also appreciate these business jokes, electrician jokes, chef jokes, plumber jokes or these firefighter jokes too.