Cow jokes are a fun way to look at the lighter side of the bovine animals. Cows are very much an integral part of our modern lives. We depend on them for milk and meat, and also rely on them for leather. Why not pay tribute to them with some fun jokes and puns.
There are many types of cows but the best ones are laughing cows. You can also get your audience laughing away with these funny cow jokes.
Cow Jokes That You Can Steak Your Reputation On
1. What do you call it when one cow spies on another cow?
A steak out.
2.Why do cows go to New York?
To see the moosicals.
3. Where do you find a cow with now legs?
Wherever you left it.
4. How did the cow get to Mars?
It flew through udder space.
5. What do cows eat for breakfast?
Moosli.
6. How rare is it for a cow to be struck by lightning?
Medium rare.
7. How do farmers count their cows?
They use a cowculator.
8. What do you call cattle that tell jokes?
Laughing stock.
9. What sound do you hear when a cow breaks the sound barrier?
Cowboom.
10. What happens when you talk to a cow?
It goes in one ear and out the udder!
11. What would you hear at a cow concert?
Moo-sic!
12. What do you call a fight between two herds of cows?
A cattle battle.
13. What do you get if you cross a cow with an octopus?
An immediate cessation of funding and a stern rebuke from the ethics committee.
14. How do you get a cow to keep quiet?
Press the moooote button.
15. What do you call a cow in an earthquake?
A milkshake!
16. Why was the cow afraid?
He was a cow-herd.
17. Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
They lactose.
18. What do you call a cow with 3 legs?
Lean beef.
19. What do you call a noble cow?
Sir Loin.
20. What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
21. Why did the cow jump over the moon?
Because the farmer’s hands were cold.
22. What do you get when you cross a cow and a rooster?
Roost beef.
23. What do you call a sleeping cow?
A bull dozer.
24. I’d tell you a cow joke…
But I would probably butcher it.
25. How do you tuck in a cow?
Bull Sheets.
26. I have a decent joke about a cow, but it’s pretty offensive, so I’ll probably need to take it down.
Or, you know, have it remooooooved.
27. What are cow knees called?
Burger joints.
28. What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.
29. Why did the Secret Service surround the president with dozens of cows?
They were trying to beef up security.
30. What’s a cow’s favorite newspaper?
The Daily Moos.
31. What is an evening of self-care for a cow?
Moovies, moosic, and mooisturizer.
32. How does a cow apologize?
It kowtows.
33. What did the cow say at the end of the workday?
An udder day, an udder dollar.
More Cow Jokes That You Can Round Up
Many cow jokes are based on the distinct moo-ing sound that cows make. The sound that cows make is often one of the earliest sounds that children learn. After all, Old MacDonald having a cow is a well known childhood song. We think that Old MacDonald would also enjoy a laugh with these funny cow jokes and puns.
34. If a cowboy is happy, does that make him a…
Jolly Rancher?
35. What do you call a cow that doesn’t give milk?
A milk dud.
36. What do you call a Russian bovine covered in lichen?
Moscow.
37.I don’t even know what to tell you about this divine bovine I just saw.
I mean, just, like, holy cow…
38. What do you call the cow who hit it big playing the lottery?
A cash cow.
39. What did one cow thief say to the other before their big heist?
“Put on your cow-moo gear — we need to be sneaky.”
40. What do you call it when two cows live together in harmony?
Cowhabitation.
41. Why do cows have bells?
Because their horns don’t work.
42.What do you call cows that have a sense of humor?
Laughing stock.
43.What time is it when a cow sits on your hat?
Time to get a new hat!
44. What did the cow say to the cheese?
“I am your father.”
45. What do you call a cow that’s laying down?
Ground beef.
46. Why don’t bulls play archery?
They might hit a bulls-eye.
47. Where do cows get all their medicine?
The farmacy.
48. What do you call a group of deaf cows
Not herd
49. They say cows kill more people than sharks.
I’m surprised cows kill any sharks at all.
50. How does a cow become invisible?
Through camooflage.
51. What do you get when you cross a cow and a smurf?
Blue cheese.
52. I’ve never tried cow tipping before.
How much do you usually pay them?
53. My cow just wandered into a field of marijuana.
The steaks have never been so high!
54. What does a cow watch?
MooTube.
55. What’s a cow’s favourite Beatles song?
Hay Chewed
56. Did you hear about the cows who were playing poker while on an airplane?
The steaks had never been higher.
57.What do you call a feminine cow?
A dairy queen.
58. Why does a milking stool only have three legs?
Because the cow has the udder.
59. What do you call a funny cow?
A cowmedian.
60. A cowboy thought he had 100 cows but when he counted them there were only 97
So he rounded them up.
61. Why did the astronauts take a box of cereal and a cow with them?
In case they bypassed the milky way!
62. Did you hear about the man who bought a brand new car and put a cow in it?
He beefed it up.
63. Two bulls are in a field staring at a new cow
One says to the other “I haven’t seen herbivore”
64.. What do you call a strong cow?
Beefy.
65. Why did the two cows hate each other?
They had beef.
66. What did the cow and bull do for their first date?
Dinner and a moooovie.
67. What did the bull say to his son when he was going off to school?
“Bison!”
68. What’s a cow’s favorite James Taylor song?
“Something in the Way She Moos.”
69. What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
De-calf-inated.
Even More Hilarious Cow Jokes
Ready for more of the best cow jokes out there? We think that you will find that cows, bulls and calves are funny, just by looking at them. They can be strange creatures but they are also plenty of fun too!
70. Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the udder side!
71. Why do cows wear bells?
Their horns don’t work.
72. What do you get when you cross a cow and a goat?
A coat.
73. What did the farmer call the cow that had no milk?
An udder failure.
74. My butcher gave me beef from a female cow.
I said, “I believe this is a Miss Steak.”
75. What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
76. Why do cows read magazines?
They love the cattle-logs.
77. What do you get when you cross a cow and a dog?
Hound beef.
78. What did the momma cow say to her baby cows?
It’s pasture bedtime
79. What do you get when you cross an angry sheep and a moody cow?
A baaaaaaad mooooood.
80. What does a farmer talk about when she’s milking a cow?
Udder nonsense.
81. What did the mother cow say to the baby cow?
“It’s pasture bedtime.”
82. What do you call a cow with a twitch?
Beef jerky.
83. Where do cows go on holiday?
Moo Zealand.
84. How do cows laugh?
Moo-haha.
85. Why don’t cows have any money?
Farmers milk them dry.
86. What do you call a cow that’s stopped producing milk?
An udder failure.
87. How did the farmer find his lost cow?
He tractor down.
88. What do you call a cow that can part water?
Moo-ses.
89. What do you call a redneck motorcycle?
Cow-a-sock-ee.
90. What does a surfing cow say?
“Cowabunga!”
91. What did the cow say to its therapist?
“I feel seen but not herd.”
92. What did the cow say to all her friends?
“I am legen-dairy.”
93. What did the Auntie cow say to her niece?
“You’re so udderly cute!
94 What do you call two ducks and a cow?
Quackers and milk.
95. What happens when a cow laughs?
Milk comes out of its nose.
96. What’s a cow’s favorite TV show?
Dr. Moo.
97. What do you get when a cow jumps on a trampoline?
Milkshake.
98. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cow says.
Cow says who?
No, silly. Cow say MOOOOOOOO.
99. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Interrupting cow.
Interrupting cow, wh — MOOOOOO!
100. A blonde sees a cow with no horns, so she asks the farmer, “Excuse me, but why wouldn’t a cow have any horns?” The farmer replies, “Well, ma’am, there are several reasons a cow might not have horns. Firstly, some breeds just don’t have horns. Another reason is sometimes we cut them off when a cow gets too rambunctious and too dangerous to handle and be around. Yet another reason is because sometimes when they are calves we put a type of acid where the horns are growing and this stops the horns from forming.” The blonde then points and asks, “OK, but what about that cow, why doesn’t it have any horns?”
The farmer replies, “Well, ma’am, the reason why THAT particular cow has no horns is because it’s a horse.”
If you want more animal jokes, be sure to read these milk jokes, pet jokes, otter jokes, goat jokes and these frog jokes too!