Coffee jokes are a great way to start the day. Tell them along with your favorite cup of joe to get the day off to an amazing start. Whether you like your coffee black or you prefer it to be mocha or some other fancy type of concoction, we are sure that you will be able to agree that these funny coffee jokes are simply the best.
Let’s get sipping away on these hilarious coffee jokes that will help to perk up your day!
Funny Coffee Jokes and Puns
1. What does a gossiping coffee do?
Spill the beans.
2.What did the coffee lover name her son?
Joe, obviously.
3. What did the cup of coffee say to his friend?
“What’s up, brew?”
4. Why did the barista get fired?
Because he kept showing up to work in a tea-shirt.
5. What did the caffeine addict name his cats?
Cream and Sugar.
6. How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
7. How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his victims—all ground up.
8. How is divorce like espresso?
It’s expensive and bitter.
9. What’s a barista’s favorite exercise?
The French press.
10. What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
11. Where do birds go for coffee?
To the NESTcafe.
12. What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!
13. What’s it called when you steal someone’s coffee?
Mugging!
14. What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for coffee.
15. Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it was mugged.
16. How does a tech guy drink coffee?
He installs Java!
17. What do you call it when you drop your coffee mug?
A coffee break.
18. What do you call it when cafe customers joke about their coffee?
A brewhaha.
19. What does a coffee lover say when they’re hitting on you?
I’ve been thinking about you a latte.
20. What’s the best Beatles song?
Latte Be!
More of the Best Coffee Jokes
Coffee jokes are just what you need if you are have a long day and need something to keep you going. So brew up some of the magic black stuff and tell a funny joke or two to get everyone happy and laughing away.
21. Spouse #1: Honey, this coffee tastes like dirt.
Spouse #2: That’s not surprising, dear, it was just ground this morning.
22. How does Moses make his coffee?
Hebrews it.
23. Someone stole my coffee cup from work today.
I’m just off down the police station now to look at a few mug shots.
24. How does one bad cup of coffee end a marriage?
One person thinks it’s grounds for divorce.
25. What do you call it when you walk into a cafe you’re sure you’ve been to before?
Déjà brew.
26. Why do they call coffee mud?
Because it was ground a couple of minutes ago.
27. How do coffee cups greet each other?
With mugs and kisses.
28. Did you hear about the man who was drinking coffee in his snow boots in the morning?
He thought to himself, “I need to get a mug.”
29. Why are Italians so good at making coffee?
Because they know how to espresso themselves.
30. How are coffee beans like kids?
They’re always getting grounded!
31. What’s the opposite of coffee?
Sneezy.
32. Barista: How do you take your coffee?
Me: Very, very seriously.
33. What do you call sad coffee?
Despresso.
34. How did the hipster burn their mouth?
He drank his coffee before it was cool.
35. What did the barista’s Valentine say?
I can’t espresso my love for you.
36. What’s the technical name for a pot of coffee at work?
Break fluid.
37.Every morning, I see this exhausted man who looks like he would murder someone for a cup of coffee.
I really should move that mirror.
38. Why should you avoid discussing coffee with sensitive people?
Because it can be a strong, heated debate.
39. Why shouldn’t you discuss coffee in polite company?
It can make for a strong and heated debate.
40. Why did the espresso keep checking his watch?
Because he was pressed for time.
Even More Funny Coffee Jokes and Puns
There are so many varieties of coffee. Similarly, there are so many varieties of coffee jokes. We are sure that you will get brewing away with these funny jokes about coffee!
41. What kind of sugar does Lady Gaga use in her coffee?
Raw raw raw raw raw.
42.What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
I don’t have a problem with coffee; I have a problem without it!
43.A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drinks coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye.
The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
44. I just got myself a top of the range coffee maker.
It has a lot of perks.
45. A guy walks into a cafe and orders a coffee to go.
The coffee gets up and leaves.
46. What currency can we use to buy coffee in space?
Starbucks.
47. There are two kinds of people in the world
Those who love coffee and liars.
48. Why should you be wary of 5-cent espresso?
It’s a cheap shot.
49. What do you call the first level of a coffee factory?
The ground floor.
50. A factory worker died today after falling into a vat of coffee. Police say that although it came as a shock to all who knew him, they may take some relief from the fact he didn’t suffer.
It was instant.
51. An astronaut was making coffee and complained, “I can’t find any milk.”
Another astronaut replied, “In space, no one can. Here, use cream.”
52. A woman walks into a coffee shop carrying a large chunk of asphalt.
She walks up to the barista and says, “I’ll take a cappuccino for me, please, and a latte for the road.
53. What’s fat, hairy, and drinks a lot of coffee?
Java the Hut!
54. What did the Brazilian coffee say to the Indonesian coffee?
“What’s Sumatra with you?”
55. I’m about to have a dangerous cup of coffee.
Safe tea first, though.
56. A tall blonde walks into Starbucks. The barista says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you!”
The blonde says, “You have a drink named Tiffany?”
57.Did you hear about the guy who put little G.I. Joe soldiers at the bottom of his coffee cup?
He’d heard that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!
58. What does specialty coffee have in common with Eric Clapton?
Both are good without cream.
59. What’s that Italian dessert called where you pour espresso coffee over ice cream?
It is ok. Everyone I ask can’t remember either.
60. “Hey barista, how much for a cup of coffee?” says a customer.
“Six dollars,” replies the barista, “and refills are free.” “Great. Then I’ll have a refill,” answers the customer.
61. People ask me if I wake up grumpy in the morning
No, I say. I just bring him some coffee.
62. A barista was accused of stealing coffee beans by his boss.
However, when they looked into the case, they found that there were no grounds to press charges.
63. My wife said she’s leaving me because I keep making coffee without the filter. The judge agreed
Apparently it’s grounds for a divorce
64.. A man went to the doctor. He complains that he gets a sharp pain in his eye every time he takes a sip of coffee.
The doctor said, “Have you tried taking the spoon out?”
65. An engineer, a physicist, a mathematician, and a philosopher are at a coffee house.
The physicist says, “You know, engineering is just applied physics,” and they all laugh. The mathematician says, “You know, physics is just applied math,” and they all laugh again. Then the philosopher says, “Well, you know, math is just applied philosophy.”
And the engineer says, “Shut up and make our coffee.”
If you enjoyed these coffee jokes, we think that you will certainly also enjoy these tea jokes and milk jokes too!