Clarinet jokes are not only for clarinet players but they are for all musicians. Take a break and have laugh with fellow musicians with these funny jokes and puns about clarinets.
The clarinet is part of the woodwind family. Unlike the bassoon and oboe, it has a single reed, which vibrates against the mouthpiece when played. However all these reed instruments can be great subjects for clarinet jokes.
Funny Clarinet Jokes You Need to Reed
1. What is the best way for a musician to catch a musical note?
With a clarinet.
2.How do you insult a tenor saxophone?
Confuse it with a bass clarinet.
3. What’s the purpose of the bell on a bass clarinet?
Storing the ashes from the rest of the instrument.
4. What’s the difference between a clarinet solo and scraping your nails down the blackboard?
Vibrato.
5. Why did the clarinet player stand outside the door?
He couldn’t find the key!
6. How can you tell if a clarinet is out of tune?
The bell is moving.
7. How do you make a saxophone sound like a clarinet?
Miss a lot of notes.
8. What’s the difference between a clarinet and a trampoline?
You take your shoes off before you jump on a trampoline.
9. Why do clarinet players leave their cases on the dashboard?
So that they can park in handicap spaces.
10. What do you call a cow that plays the clarinet?
A moo-sician.
11. How do you get a million dollars playing the clarinet?
Start off with 2 million.
12. What’s the difference between a clarinet player and a psychiatric ward patient?
Nothing. The clarinet player just hasn’t been caught yet.
13. What do you call someone who hangs out with musicians?
A clarinet player.
14. Did you hear about the musician who made a clarinet out of corn.
He said he could play anything by ear.
15. What does a clarinet and a lawsuit have in common?
Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.
16. What do you throw a drowning clarinet player?
His case.
17. What’s the difference between a clarinet and a lawn mower?
The neighbors get upset if you borrow a lawn mower and don’t return it.
18. What’s the difference between a missile and a bad clarinet player?
A bad clarinet player can kill you.
19. Why are clarinet jokes so short?
So that clarinet players can understand them.
20. What’s the difference between a clarinet and a chain saw?
The chain saw has greater dynamic range.
More Clarinet Jokes for Funny Laughs
The clarinet has one of the widest ranges of any woodwind instrument and is versatile, capable of producing both deep, rich tones and bright, piercing notes. It is also capable of being the subject for funny clarinet jokes as well.
21. Why is the clarinet a divine instrument?
Because a man blows in it, but only God knows what comes out of it.
22. What do you call two clarinet players playing in unison?
Counterpoint.
23. How do you keep your jewelry from being stolen?
Leave it in a clarinet case.
24. There’s nothing I like better than the sound of a clarinet.
Unless of course it’s the sound of a duck caught in a vacuum cleaner.
25. When is a clarinet a good clarinet?
When it’s down a toilet.
26. Marriage is like playing the clarinet.
It looks easy until you try it.
27. How do you get two clarinet players to play in unison?
Fire one.
28. How do you know when a clarinet player is at your door?
The doorbell shrieks!
29. What do you call ten clarinets at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start.
30. Define an honorable gentleman.
Someone who owns a clarinet but refuses to play it.
31. What does a clarinet and a baseball have in common?
People cheer when you hit them with a bat.
32. A young child told his mother “When I grow up I’m going to be an clarinet player.”
His mother responded “Well honey, you know you can’t do both.”
33. What’s the difference between a clarinet road kill and raccoon road kill?
The skid marks in front of the raccoon!
34. What’s the first thing a clarinet player says at work?
“Would you like fries with that?”
35. What’s the range of a clarinet?
Thirty yards if you’ve got a good arm!
36. What kind of calendar does a clarinet player use for his gigs?
“Year-At-A-Glance.”
37.How do you get the clarinet player off your porch?
Pay for your pizza.
38. What’s the difference between a clarinet and an onion?
You don’t cry when you’re cutting up the clarinet.
39. How do clarinet players traditionally greet each other?
“Hi. I played that last year.”
40. Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get away from the clarinet recital.
41. clarinet player: Did you hear my last recital?
Friend: I hope so.
42.How many clarinet players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Only one, but the rest of the section will talk about how they could do it higher and faster.
43.What’s the definition of an optimist?
A clarinet player with a mortgage.
Even More Hilarious Clarinet Jokes
The clarinet is a staple in both classical and jazz music. You can find it in orchestras, chamber music, and solo performances. In the early days of jazz, the clarinet was a key instrument in New Orleans. We think that these clarinet jokes would have fit right in to those days.
44. What’s the difference between a clarinet and the exhaust of a car?
I don’t know either.
45. What does a gig opportunity for a clarinet player have in common with Christmas?
They both only come once a year.
46. What’s the difference between clarinet players and government bonds?
Government bonds eventually mature and earn money.
47. How many clarinet players does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one, but they have to try at least twenty to find the right one.
48. What is the definition of a minor second?
Two clarinets playing in unison.
49. In what way is a family reunion and a clarinet solo similar?
You know they are both coming and there is not a darn thing you can do about it!!
50. What’s the difference between a high-school clarinet section and a V8 engine?
With enough time and work, you can eventually get the V8 engine in tune.
51. What do you call perfect pitch in a clarinet?
When it enters into the dumpster without hitting the side.
52. How do you get a clarinet player to play A flat?
Take the batteries out of his electric tuner.
53. Why was the clarinet player arrested?
Because he was in treble.
54. What did the clarinet player get on his IQ test?
Drool.
55. What is the best use for a clarinet?
Kindling.
56. How do you improve the aerodynamics of a clarinet player’s car?
Take the pizza sign off the roof.
57.What is the dynamic range of the clarinet?
On or off.
58. Why is a clarinet better than a recorder?
Because it burns longer.
59. What’s the best thing to play on a clarinet?
Solitaire.
60. Why should clarinet players only get 10 minute breaks?
Because they will forget how to read notes and it will take too long to reteach them.
61. Did you hear about the book on clarinets?
It’s a light reed.
62. Where do clarinet players go on the internet?
Reedit.
63. What is the best place on the internet to find information about clarinets?
Wikireedia.
64.. An orchestra conductor calls 911. “Help! My clarinet player swallowed his reed! What do I do?”
The 911 operator says “Simple. Have an oboe cover the part.”
65. A clarinet player was on his way to a rehearsal, but first had to make a stop downtown to run an errand. After finding a parking place and walking a few blocks toward his destination, he suddenly realized he hadn’t locked his car doors. Panicked, he ran back to his car, but it was too late – someone had already put two more clarinets inside it.
If you are a musician who loves music jokes, we think that you will also enjoy these funny saxophone jokes, bass player jokes and musician jokes.