Who does not love a good boss joke? Sometimes when you are feeling stressed in the office, a funny boss joke can help to lighten the mood. Whether you are doing a good job or if you and your colleagues are having a bad day, the boss is the most important part of whether or not you are enjoying your hours at work.
We have put together a huge collection of boss jokes and quips that will be plenty of fun to tell around the office water cooler. These jokes about bosses will make it great to lighten up the mood.
Here are some of the best boss jokes around!
Funny Boss Jokes to Share Around the Water Cooler
1. How do you make people think you’re the boss?
Stand around and do nothing.
2. Boss: This is the third time you’ve been late for work this week. Do you know what that means?
Me: That it is only Wednesday.
3. What do you call the boss at Old McDonald’s Farm ?
The CIEIO
4. Me: “Sorry boss, I can’t come in today. I have a wee cough.”
Boss:, “You have a wee cough!?”
Me: “Really?! Thanks boss, see you next week!”
5. The boss caught an employee drinking at work.
He said: -“You can’t drink while you’re working!”.
The employee replied: -“But I’m not working”.
6. Did you hear about the boss who calls his employee “the computer”?
It has nothing to do with intelligence. It is because his employee goes to sleep if left unattended for 15 minutes.
7. My boss came to me at lunch, “Where the hell have you been? I’ve been trying to find you all morning!” I shrugged and said, “Good employees are hard to find!”
8. A boss told the job candidate, “I will give you 15 bucks an hour starting today and in three months, I will raise it to 18 bucks an hour. So when would you like to start?” The job candidate replied, “In 3 months!”
9. Did you hear about the man who was fired from his new job as a supply chain manager?
His boss just said, “That’s LIFO.”
10. One day a man goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. The assistant takes the man to the parrot section and asks the man to choose one. The man asks, ”How much is the yellow one?” The assistant says, ”$2000.” The man is shocked and asks the assistant why it’s so expensive. The assistant explains, ”This parrot is a very special one. He knows typewriting and can type really fast.” ”What about the green one?” the man asks.
The assistant says, ”He costs $5000 because he knows typewriting and can answer incoming telephone calls and takes notes.” ‘What about the red one?” the man asks.
The assistant says, ”That one’s $10,000.” The man says, ”What does HE do?”
The assistant says, ”I don’t know, but the other two call him boss.”
11. My boss pulled me into his office. He sighed and said, “Look…when it comes to drinking on the job, I haven’t got much tolerance.” “That’s okay,” I replied, “I was a rookie once too.”
12. A mechanic was secretly drinking brake fluid at the garage where he worked. On some days he would even drink a whole pint of the stuff. One day his boss found out and confronted him about it. The mechanic said “It won’t become a problem, boss, I swear I can stop whenever I want!”
13. I told my boss that I wanted an increase in my paycheck. My next one had a larger font.
14. My boss was giving a presentation and no one was asking questions. So my boss says: “The person who asks the first question will get a raise, the second will get a promotion, and the third will get a million dollar.” So I raised my hand and said “I have three questions.”
15. I called my boss this morning. “I won’t be coming in today,” I said. “My legs aren’t working properly.” “What kind of excuse is that?” He asked. I replied, “A lame excuse.”
16. A man called up his boss to ask if he could come to work a little late today. He said “Dream on.” The man thought to himself, “that was really nice of him.”
17. My boss told me I intimidate my coworkers, so I just stared at him until he apologized.
18. At a recent job interview, the boss asked the job candidate if he could perform under pressure. The candidate said, “No, but I can do Bohemian Rhapsody.”
19. Why can’t AI (Artificial Intelligence) replace bosses?
Because it’s not designed to be useless.
20. Boss: Andy, for 30 years you have been bringing me coffee, filled to the brim, without even spilling a drop. How do you manage that over these stairs?
Andy: That’s easy! Before I climb up the stairs, I take a big sip, and as I get to the top, I put it back in.
More Boss Jokes to Be Super Bossy
21. Boss: “Sarcasm will get you nowhere in life!”
Me: “Well It got me to the ‘International Sarcasm’ finals in Santiago 2011.”
Boss: “Really?”
Me: “No.”
22. What’s the best way to criticize your boss?
Quietly, so they can’t hear you.
23. Why did the employees give their boss some maracas for Christmas?
Because he kept talking about how he wants to shake things up.
24. Bosses are like leaf blowers. They make a lot of air and noise moving a problem to another place.
25. I went for a job interview today and the boss said, “We’re looking for someone who is responsible” “Well I’m your man” I replied, “In my last job, whenever anything went wrong they said I was responsible.”
26. I told my boss that three companies were after me and I need a raise. My boss asked “What companies?”
I told him, “Gas, water and electricity.”
27. My boss said my math skills are average. That’s just mean.
28. Boss: You’re 4 hours late! What’s the matter?
Employee: I fell from the 2nd floor this morning.
Boss: That’s only 20 feet tall! It shouldn’t take you more than 5 seconds!
29. At the office barbecue, I grilled a medium rare steak and my boss said, “I like it well done!” I said, “Thanks. That means a lot to me.”
30. My boss said, “I find it highly suspicious that you are only sick on weekdays.”
I said, “It must be my weekend immune system.”
31. My boss said, “Why are all the women in your office crying?”
I said, “You told me to bang some heads together.”
He said, “Talk about taking things too literally!”
So I went ahead and gave a two hour lecture on taking things too literally.
32. Boss: “Why should we hire you as an reverse psychologist?”
Me: “You shouldn’t.”
33. A guy shows up late for work.
The boss yells: “You should have been here at 8:30!”
He replies: “Why? What happened at 8:30?”
34. “And remember,” said the boss, “There’s no I in TEAM!” “Yeah,” muttered one of the peons, “And there’s not much sign of U in it either.”
35. I work for a window cleaning firm. My boss often does spot checks.
36. An employee was asked a question by his boss, “What do you think is the biggest problem in our company? Is it the lack of knowledge or the lack of interest?” The employee replied: “I don’t know and to be honest, I don’t care.”
37. Some bubble wrap was delivered to work yesterday.
The boss said, “Pop it in the corner.”
It took me five hours!
38. The boss was busy and did not want to be disturbed.
He told his secretary to tell visitors he didn’t want to be disturbed. If they persisted with some story about how important it was, she should tell them “That’s what they all say.” Later that day, the boss’ wife stopped by to visit her husband. The secretary told her that he didn’t want to be disturbed. The wife said, “That doesn’t apply to me, I’m his wife.” So obediently, the secretary said, “Yeah, that’s what they all say.”
39. Man says to his boss, “Can we talk? I have a problem.”
Boss: “Problem? No such thing, we call it an opportunity!”
Man: “Ok, I have a serious drinking opportunity.”
40. When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him?
I told him everyone knows he doesn’t hire stupid people.
Even More Boss Jokes to Share with Your Colleagues for a Laugh
41. A young job applicant was being interviewed for an entry-level position. His prospective boss asked, “Are you a smoker?” “Not even a little,” said the young man. “How about alcoholic beverages?” “Never touch ’em,” he replied.
The boss smiled and asked, “So you spend a lot of time with girls?”
The applicant said, “No, not really.”
“So you don’t have any vices?”
“Well, I do have one,” he admitted.
“And what would that be?” the boss asked.
“I tell lies.”
42. I got fired from the unemployment office on Friday. My boss said, “Clean out your desk, and I’ll see you in the office on Monday.”
43. The boss once pointed to my desk which was a mess. He said that a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind. He wasn’t too happy when I pointed out that his desk was empty.
44. As a security guard, my boss said my job is to watch the office. I am currently on Season 6 but am not sure what this has to do with security.
45. The boss is scolding one of his employees. “I’m not very pleased with your work this year,” he said, “You work slowly, you think slowly and you move slowly. Is there anything you do fast?” The employee replies, “Of course, Boss. I get tired quickly!”
46. Boss: “How good are you at PowerPoint?”
Me: “I Excel at it.”
Boss: “Was that a Microsoft Office pun?”
Me: “Word.”
47. I was having dinner with my boss and his wife said, ‘How many potatoes would you like?’. I said ‘Ooh, I’ll just have one please.’ She said ‘It’s OK, you don’t have to be polite.
‘Alright,’ I said, ‘I’ll just have one then, you stupid cow.
48. My boss asked me to start my presentation with humor. So, I put my paycheck on the first slide.
49. Boss: “You’ve got to find a way to make fewer mistakes on the job.”
Employee: “Ok, how about I come in later in the morning?”
50. I walked into work yesterday, and my boss asked me, “Why are you late?”
Me: I was having computer issues.
Boss: Hard drive?
Me: No, the commute was fine. It’s my laptop.
51. I asked my boss, “Can I leave work early today?”
Boss: Only if you make up the time.
Me: It’s 56 past 60 o’clock.
52. My boss pulled up in his brand new BMW today and I couldn’t help but admire it. “Nice car,” I said as he got out. “Well,” he said, noticing my admiring looks, “Work hard, put the hours in, and I’ll have an even better one next year.”
53. My boss told me to have a good day
So I left.
54. I heard that my boss is threatening to fire the employee who has the worst posture. I have a hunch it might be me.
55. I asked my boss, “Can I have a few days off seeing as it’s so close to Christmas?”
He said, “It’s May.” “Sorry.”, I replied, “May I have a few days off seeing as it’s so close to Christmas?”
56. My boss fired me for making too many Asian jokes. It was the end of my Korea.
57. Two factory workers are talking. The woman says, “I can make the boss give me the day off.” The man asks, “And how would you do that?” The woman says, “Just wait and see.” She then hangs upside down from the ceiling. The boss comes in and asks, “What are you doing?” The woman replies, “I’m a light bulb.” The boss then says, “You’ve been working so much that you’ve gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off.” The man starts to follow her and the boss says, “Where are you going?” The man says, “I’m going home, too. How am I supposed to work in the dark?”
58. Boss: “Can you work this weekend?”
Me: “Yeah no worries but I’ll probably be a bit late as public transport is slow on weekends.”
Boss: “What time will you get here?”
Me: “Monday.”
59. Just found out that the boss of IKEA is the new Prime Minister of Sweden
He’s still assembling his new cabinet.
60. I told my boss that I’m quitting my job to become a comedian.
He said, “You can’t be serious.”
I said, “I know.”
61. Larry is having his performance evaluation and his boss expresses his disappointment at this work of late. He said, “Larry, you used to be a great worker, but for the past few months I never seem to see you working when I come by your office. What happened?” Larry looks at the boss and said, “Well, in March they carpeted the hallway…”
We hope that you’ve enjoyed these funny boss jokes. If you have, we think that you will also enjoy these great sales jokes and these marketing jokes as well.