Bass players are crucial in any musical ensemble, however, they can still end up as the butt of bass player jokes. They play the root notes of chords, which leads other musicians to question if they are even musicians – but of course they are! Bass players provide the harmonic foundation of a song.
Are you a bass player and ready to have a laugh at yourself? Or just what to spread some humour and laughter to others? Here are some funny bassist and bass player jokes that will fill you with rhythm and laughter!
Funny Bass Player Jokes
1. What do a bass and a lawsuit have in common?
Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.
2.Why can’t bassists tell jokes?
Because timing is everything.
3. What’s the difference between a bass and an onion?
Nobody cries when you chop up a bass.
4. A boy came home from his first bass lesson. His dad asked him how it went. “Today we learned the E string.” The boy came home from his second lesson and dad asked him how it went. “Today we learned the A string.” The boy came home from his third lesson. Dad asked, “So did you learn the D string today?”
“Nope. Today I had a gig.”
5. What do you call a bass player that only knows two chords?
A music critic.
6. The difference between a guitar and bass player?
A guitar player gets students and a bass player gets gigs!
7. What is a fretless bass good for?
About thirty yards if you use both hands.
8. Why do some people have an instant aversion to bass solos?
It saves time in the long run.
9. Why can’t bass players get through a door?
He either can’t find the key, or he doesn’t know when to come in!
10. How can you tell when the stage is perfectly level?
Drool comes out both sides of the bass player’s mouth.
11. What do you call a bass player in a 3-piece suit?
The defendant.
12. Why do bands have bass players?
To translate for the drummer.
13. Why are upright basses like elderly parents?
Both are unforgiving and hard to get into and out of cars.
14. What do you call a bass player with a job?
The pizza delivery boy.
15. What do a fretless bass player and lightning have in common?
They never hit the same spot twice.
16. How are a bass solo and a blind javelin thrower alike?
Both command immediate attention, alarm, and force everyone to move out of range.
17. What do you call a bass player without a girlfriend?
Homeless.
18. How do you get a bass player to turn down?
Put sheet music in front of him.
19. How do you reduce wind-drag on a bassist’s car?
Take the Domino’s Pizza sign off the roof.
20. How many blues bassists does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they’re all too poor to afford the replacement.
More Bass Player Jokes for a Laugh
The bass acts as a bridge between the rhythmic section and the harmonic/melodic instruments. Similarly, these bass player jokes will bridge the gap between musicians!
21. The worlds greatest Jazz bassist and the worlds greatest Blues bassist meet for lunch. Who pays the tab ?
Neither, they don’t charge for the food at the soup kitchen.
22. How many country bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?
1 – 5, 1 – 5, 1- 5.
23. How many Metal bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
Five — 1 to change the light bulb and 4 to keep the guitarist from hogging all the light.
24. How many Jazz bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
Forget the changes, lets just play!
25. How many Acoustic bass players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One to do the job and another to complain that it’s electric.
26. How many Rock bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
No one ever bothered to notice!
27. Bandleader, to auditioning bass player: Tell me about your best gig.
Bass player: They clapped so hard, they almost broke their handcuffs.
28. What’s the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a bassist?
The vacuum cleaner has to be plugged in to suck.
29. How many bassists does it take to pave a driveway?
Seven, but you have to slice them thin and lay them out correctly.
30. What do you throw a drowning bass player?
His amp.
31. What’s the difference between a jazz bassist & a large pizza?
The pizza can feed a family of four.
32. What’s a bass player doing at a concert?
Selling beer.
33. What do you call it hen 2 fretless players play in unison?
A minor second.
34. Why don’t bass players tell blonde jokes?
They don’t understand them.
35. Did you hear about the drummer who locked his keys in the car?
It took him three hours to get the bass player out.
36. What do you call a beautiful woman on a bassist’s arm?
A tattoo.
37.A little boy sees a live band, and is mesmerized by the feeling of the lows coming from the bass player. It’s all he talks about for days, until he tells his parents “I want to grow up and become a bass player!”
His father says “Son, you’ll have to make a choice, you can’t do both.”
38. How many pop bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
None. The keyboard player does it with his left hand.
39. What are the three most difficult years in a bass player’s life?
Second grade.
Even More Funny Bass Player Jokes
Depending on the genre, the role of the bass player can vary significantly. In funk, the bass might be very prominent and funky, in rock, it might be more about supporting the guitar, and in jazz, it might be very melodic and improvisational. However, regardless, all bass players will be able to enjoy these hilarious bass player jokes!
40. The band is on stage. The drummer is really into it and thinks “man, we are playing some awesome songs tonight!” The singer is looking at the crowd and thinks “what an amazing crowd we’ve got tonight!” The guitar player check out the girls and thinks “yeah, we’ve got some hot chicks right in the front row!”
The bass player is playing and thinks ” A A A A D D D D”.
41. How many guitarists do you need to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to change the lightbulb and one who explains the bass player what’s going on.
42.Why do bass players love pianos?
Because it’s the only instrument invented just so the bass player would have a safe place to set down his beer.
43.What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
A Bass Player.
44. Guitarist: “hey I like your tone so much better with that pedal off”
Bassist: that’s my amplifier
45. Why does a bass have four strings?
In case you break three.
46. What’s the difference between a bass and a guitar?
The bass burns longer.
47. What’s the difference between a dead squirrel in the road and a dead bassist?
There are skid marks in front of the squirrel.
48. The conductor stops the orchestra during rehearsal and says: Hey! You there in the bass section! You need to tune up!
The bassists reply in unison: Is it that time of year already?
49. What’s the difference between a mutual fund and a bass player?
The mutual fund will eventually mature and earn money.
50. A couple was having marital difficulties and consulted a marriage counselor. After meeting with them, the counselor told them that their problems could all be traced to a lack of communication.
“You two need to talk,” he said. “So, I recommend that you go to a jazz club. Just wait until it’s time for the bass player to solo. Then you’ll be talking just like everyone else.”
51. Two gangsters were interrogating a guy. He was not cooperating, wouldn’t give them any info. So one gangster brought out a bass guitar, the other said “what’s that for?”
The first said “everyone talks during the bass solo”.
52. The guitarist hears screaming and yelling, runs into the rehearsal room and finds the bass player and the drummer fighting. He calms them down enough to find out what’s going on and the bass player says “He turned one of my tuning machines and made the bass out of tune!!” The guitarist asks “Well, why don’t you just retune it?”
The bass player replies “He won’t tell me which one!”
53. An orchestra which had 4 double basses was doing Beethoven’s 9th. This is a 55 minute song and there is a 20 minute section of no bass. The conductor demanded that the bassists leave the pit for that 20 minutes. One of the bassists comes up with a great idea of going across the street during the break and downing a few shots at the bar. All 4 of them had several shots when one noticed that it was at the 19 minute mark and they were going to be late. The first bassist says, “Don’t worry. I took a string and tied it around the score. When the conductor gets to that page he will have to untie the string and that will slow him down.” When the bassists get back the conductor was pissed because it was the bottom of the ninth, the score was tied and the bassists were loaded.
54. A man decides to go on a vacation on a Pacific island. When he steps off the plane, it is amazing: Cool, light ocean breeze, palms gently swaying in the wind, white sandy beaches, drums off in the distance. He goes to his hotel, checks in, starts having the time of his life.
When he turns in on the first night, he can still hear drums off in the distance. They were charming at first, but now it’s little annoying, and he has a hard time going to sleep. The next morning, he goes to concierge and asks about the drums. The concierge replies: “The drums, they never stop. Very, very bad if they stop.”
So the man goes about his day in paradise, having a great time, but the drums never stop. He tries to ignore them, but they interfere with his sleep the second night. The next morning, fuzzy-headed from too many island drinks and too little sleep, again asks the concierge if something can be done about the drums. He gets the same reply: “Drums not stop. Very bad if they do.”
The rest of the day is not fun. The drums are driving this man crazy, and he isn’t getting any sleep. The next day he is ready leave. He packs his bags and goes up to the front desk to check out. But first the man finds the concierge to give the concierge a piece of his mind. Suddenly, the drums stop.
He says to the concierge: “They finally stopped! Thank god, I can get some sleep. I was about the leave.”
The concierge says: “This is bad. Very, very bad. Flee from this island while you still can.”
“Why?”
“Drums stop. Bass solo next.”
We hope that you’ve enjoyed these funny bass player jokes. If you have, you may also enjoy these photography jokes and these funny music jokes.