Bar jokes can really help to break the ice, especially when you are out with new friends having a round of drinks together. Bar jokes and puns can also be great to share with old pals too.
A bar is often lively and full of noise and laughter with people gathering to enjoy a wide variety of beverages, from craft beers and fine wines to creatively mixed cocktails and spirits. You can also add on jokes to the list of things that they can enjoy and they will truly appreciate all the fun and puns.
Here are some funny bar jokes and puns that you can share with the next round!
Funny Bar Jokes and Puns
1. A man walks into a bar.
He said, “Ouch.”
2.A Möbius strip walks into a bar, sobbing. The bartender asks, “What’s wrong, buddy?”
The Möbius strip replies, “Where do I even begin?”
3. A five-dollar bill walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “Get out! This is a singles bar.”
4. It’s a five minute walk from my house to the bar. It’s a 35 minute walk from the bar to my house.
The difference is staggering.
5. An amnesiac walks into a bar.
He goes up to a beautiful blonde and says, “So, do I come here often?”
6. A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. When the neutron gets his drink, he asks, “Bartender, how much do I owe you?”
The bartender replies, “For you, neutron, no charge.”
7. Two dragons walk into a bar. The first one says, “It sure is hot in here.”
His friend snaps back, “Shut your mouth!”
8. A screwdriver rolls into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you!”
The screwdriver squeals, “You have a drink named Philip?”
9. Two guys walk into a bar.
The third one ducks.
10. The past, present, and future walk into a bar…
It was tense.
11. The musical notes E, G and B walk into a bar.
The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve minors.”
12. A mushroom walks into a bar and orders a drink, but the bartender yells at him to get out before he stinks up the place.
The mushroom looks taken aback and says, “Why? I’m a fun guy.”
13. Comic Sans, Helvetica, and Times New Roman walk into a bar.
“Get out!” shouts the barman. “We don’t serve your type here!”
14. An infinite amount of mathematicians walked into a bar. The first ordered a pint, the second ordered a half pint, the third ordered a fourth pint, etc.
The Bartender eventually walked up and gave them two pints and said: “You mathematicians don’t know your limits.”
15. A crab walks into a bar and says, “I’ll have a pint please, but if I’m not satisfied with it, I’d like to be compensated with 10 bottles of champagne.”
The bartender says, “Why the big clause?”
16. The barman says, “We don’t serve time-travelers in here.”
A time-traveler walks into a bar.
17. This cowboy walks into a bar. His hat is made of brown wrapping paper. His shirt and vest are made of waxed paper. And his chaps, pants, and boots are made of tissue paper.
Pretty soon they arrest him for rustling.
18. Julius Caesar walks into a bar and says, “I’ll have a Martinus.” The bartender gives him a puzzled look and asks, “Don’t you mean a Martini?”
“Look,” Caesar replies. “If I wanted a double, I’d have asked for it!”
19. Two jumper cables walk into a bar. One of them says, “We’d like a couple of beers, please.”
The bartender says, “OK, but don’t start anything.”
20. ƒ(x) walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t cater for functions.”
21. Two cannibals walk into a bar and sit beside this clown. The first cannibal whacks the clown on the head and they both start eating the clown.
Suddenly the second cannibal looks up and says, “Hey, do you taste something funny?”
22. A ghost walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve spirits.”
23. A panda, a cowboy, a man with a cat on his shoulder, and a time-traveler walk into a bar.
“What is this,” the bartender yells. “Some kind of joke?”
24. A polar bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender: “I’ll have a Gin and… Tonic.” The bartender asks, “Why the big pause?”
The polar bear replies, “I don’t know, I’ve always had them.”
25. A penguin walks into a bar. The bartender says, “So, what will it be this time?”
The penguin doesn’t answer because it’s a penguin.
26. A mixed metaphor walks into a bar.
It sees the handwriting on the wall, but is hoping to nip it in the bud.
27. A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Wow, I’ve never served a weasel before. What can I get you?”
“Pop,” goes the weasel.
28. A horse walks into a bar. The shocked bartender points a finger his way in alarm and yells, “Hey!”
The horse says, “You read my mind, buddy.”
29. A burger walks into a bar.
The landlord says, “Sorry sir, we don’t serve food here.”
Bar Jokes for a Good Laugh
With inviting decor, cosy lighting, and comfortable seating, bars serve as popular venues for relaxation, conversation, and entertainment. Patrons often engage with friendly bartenders who not only mix drinks but also offer a listening ear and a touch of flair in their service. Maybe a good bar joke or two will also help to get the conversation going!
30. This grasshopper walks into a bar, and the bartender says, “Hey! We have a drink named after you!”
The grasshopper replies, “Really? You have a drink named Steve?!”
31. A man walks into a bar owned by horses.
The bartender says, “Why the short face?”
32. A pun, a play on words, and a limerick walk into a bar.
No joke.
33. A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender asks what he’d like.
The horse doesn’t reply because it’s a horse and obviously can’t speak or understand English.
34. A dyslexic man wants to get a drink.
He walks into a bra…
35. Two scientists walk into a bar. One says, “I’ll have an H2O please” The second scientist says, “I’ll have an H2O too.”
The second scientist died.
36. A tennis ball walks into a bar.
The barman says, “Have you been served?”
37.A figure of speech literally walks into a bar.
It ends up getting figuratively hammered.
38. A corn stalk walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Want to hear a joke?”
The corn stalk replies, “I’m all ears!”
39. A lion walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “Do you have any jobs?” The bartender shakes his head sadly and says, “No, sorry. Why don’t you try the circus?”
The lion replies, “Why would the circus need a bartender?”
40. A man with authority walks into a bar.
He orders everyone around.
41. Man walks into a bar with a beard made entirely of grass
Bartender says “Why the lawn face?”
42.A guy walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm.
He asks for one beer, and one for the road.
43.A three-legged dog walks into a saloon, his spurs clinking as he walks, his six-shooter slapping at his furry hip.
He bellies up to the bar, stares down the bartender, and proclaims, “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.”
44. A blind man walks into a bar.
And a table. And a door. And a staircase.
45. A rabbi, a priest, and a Lutheran minister walk into a bar.
The bartender looks up and says, “Is this some kind of joke?”
46. A skeleton walks into a bar.
It says, “Gimme a pint and a mop.”
47. A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers.
“Five beers, please.”
48. Helium walks into a bar, and the bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve Noble Gases here.”
He doesn’t react.
49. George R.R. Martin, Joss Whedon, and Steven Moffat walk into a bar.
Everyone you’ve ever loved dies.
50. A guy walks into a bar owned by Eminem. He tells the bartender, “Give me two shots of…”
The bartender cuts him off saying, “You only get one shot.”
51. A guy walks into a wedding reception.
He goes up to the bartender and asks, “Is this the punch line?”
52. A snake slithers into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender replies, “Sorry, we don’t serve your kind here.” “Why not?” asks the snake.
“You can’t hold your liquor.”
53. Two conspiracy theorists walk into a bar.
You can’t tell me that was just a coincidence, man.
54. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, “I’ve lost my electron.” The other says, “Are you sure?”
The first replies, “Yes, I’m positive.”
55. A man walks into a bar.
He sucks at limbo.
56. A blind man walks into a bar, grabs his dog by its hind legs, and swings him around in a circle. The bartender says, “Hey buddy, what are you doing?”
The blind man says, “Don’t mind me, I’m just looking around.”
57.Give a man a duck and he’ll eat for a day.
Teach a man to duck and he’ll never walk into a bar.
58. A new lawyer walks into a diner. “Where’s the bar?” he asks.
A waitress responds, “You passed it on the way here.”
59. A non-renewable natural resource walks into a bar and orders a tall glass of whiskey.
The bartender says, “Sorry friend, I can’t serve you; you’ve been getting wasted all day long!”
Even More Hilarious Bar Jokes
Whether it’s a bustling urban bar or a cozy neighborhood pub, these establishments play a significant role in community life, offering a space for celebration, unwinding, and connecting with others. These funny bar jokes will also help to connect people with each other!
60. 12 atoms of sodium walk into a bar.
Followed by Batman.
61. A snake walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “How the hell did you do that?”
62. Schrödinger’s cat walks into a bar.
And doesn’t.
63. A beaver walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “Close the dam door!”
64.. A Scottish man walks into a bar in Canada. He noticed there is an animal’s head hanging on the wall and asked the bartender what is it. “A moose” replied the bartender
“What!? How big are the cats here?” Said the scot
65. At a bar, my friend made a remarkable shot in pool, and I asked how he did it. He said, “When I am about to take a shot, it’s like magic, I can just see the line where I need to shoot.” Then he threw a dart and got a bullseye on the first throw and I asked how he could aim the dart so well. He said, “When I am about to throw a dart, it’s like magic, I can just see the line where I need to throw it.” Later, he got in a fight with another guy at the bar. He threw a punch and missed badly. I asked how he could throw such a poorly aimed punch.
He said, “There is no punch line.”
66. A man walks into a bar. He orders a Martini, takes out the olive, puts it on the table and drinks it. Then he orders another one, again taking out the olive and drinking the Martini. And again, and again, and again…At the tenth Martini, the bartender becomes curious and asks: “Why are you always taking out the olive and putting it on the side?”
“Well, that is quite simple”, says the man. “My wife asked me to buy a jar of olives, but the store was closed.”
67. “I want a divorce” I told the judge. “All my wife does every night is go from bar to bar to bar. “What is she doing that for?” Asked the judge.
“Looking for me.”
68. A man runs into a bar. Panting, he tells the barkeep, “Give me 10 shots of your best whiskey — quick!” So the barkeep sets them up, and the man knocks them all back in seconds. “Why are you drinking so fast?” asks the barkeep. “You’d drink fast too if you had what I have,” says the man. “Why, what do you have?” asks the barkeep.
“Only 12 cents.”
69. A man walks into a bar, then goes to the bathroom. He comes out, goes to the bartender. He says, “You’ve got a great place, but my buddy was here last night, and he said you have golden urinals. Where are they?”
The bartender turns to the band and yells, “Frank, I’ve got a lead on the guy who ruined your sax!”
70. A duck walks into a bar and says to the bartender, “I’d like to buy some peanuts.” The bartender says, “Sorry, don’t sell peanuts.” The duck leaves. The next day, the duck returns and again says, “I want to buy some peanuts.” The bartender replies, a bit gruffly this time, “I already told you I don’t sell peanuts.” The duck leaves. The next day, the duck comes in once again and yet again demands, “I want to buy some peanuts!” The outraged bartender yells back, “I told you, I don’t sell peanuts! If you ask one more time, I’ll nail you to the wall!” The duck leaves. The next day, the duck walks into the bar and before the bartender can say a word, the duck asks, “Do you have any nails?” The bartender looks taken aback and says quietly, “Sorry, don’t have nails.”
The duck asks, “Well then, do you have any peanuts?”
71. Two blondes are sitting at a bar, obviously celebrating something. They wave over the bartender, and tell him to pour two more shots. Once poured, the two blondes clink their glasses together and say “42! YEAH!! 42!”. “Bartender, another round!” Same thing happens on this shot. They clink their glasses together and celebrate the number 42. “Bartender, another round!” Bartender walks over and says “sure! I’d be happy to pour you another shot. First though, I gotta know, what’s up with 42?”
The blondes look at each other before proudly turning to the bartender and saying “We just completed a puzzle and it only took us 42 days! On the box, it said 4-6 years!!!”
72. A guy walks into a bar after a long day at work and orders a drink. As he sits there, mulling over his day, he hears a high-pitched voice say, “That shirt looks great on you!” The man looks around, sees nothing, and returns to his drink thinking nothing more of it. But then, a moment later, the voice returns, this time offering, “You seem like a really cool guy!” Again, the man looks around, sees nothing, and returns to his drink, wondering if he should get checked out by a professional. Finally, when his nerves have cooled, and he believes the voice is gone, he hears, “I bet your parents are really proud of you!” He slams down his drink and looks around wildly. Frustrated and finding no possible source of the voice, he calls over the bartender. He says, “Hey barkeep! What’s that voice I keep hearing?”
“Oh, those are the peanuts,” the bartender replies. “They’re complimentary.”
73. A guy walks into a bar and asks for 10 shots of the establishment’s finest single malt scotch. The bartender sets him up, and the guy takes the first shot in the row and pours it on the floor. He then takes the last shot in the row and does the same.
The bartender asks, “Why did you do that?” And the guy replies, “Well, the first shot always tastes like crap, and the last one always makes me sick!”
74. Three vampires walk into a bar. The first one says, “I’ll have a pint of blood.” The second one says, “I’ll have one, too.” The third one says, “I’ll have a pint of plasma.”
The bartender says, “So, that’ll be two bloods and a blood lite?”
75. A guy walks into a bar and is shocked to see a horse tending bar. As the horse finishes preparing an excellent Horse’s Neck, he turns to the awestruck patron and demands, “Hey buddy, what’s the matter? You can’t believe that a horse can tend bar?”
“No,” the guy says. “I can’t believe the ferret sold the place.”
76. A gorilla walks into a bar and says, “A scotch on the rocks, please.” The gorilla hands the bartender a $10 bill. The bartender thinks to himself, “This gorilla doesn’t know the prices of drinks,” and gives him 15 cents change. The bartender says, “You know, we don’t get too many gorillas in here.”
The gorilla replies, “Well, at $9.85 a drink, I ain’t coming back, either.”
77. A panda walks into a bar. He gobbles some beer nuts, then pulls out a pistol, fires it in the air, and heads for the door. “Hey!” shouts the bartender, but the panda yells back, “I’m a panda. Google me!”
Sure enough, the definition for panda was: “A tree-climbing mammal with distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.”
78. A young man is passing by a bar when he sees an old woman fishing with a stick and a string in a puddle by the sidewalk. “She must be a poor old fool,” he thinks to himself, and out of the kindness of his heart, he invites the woman in for a drink. After he’s paid for their round and the two are sitting quietly, he asks her, “So how many have you caught today?”
The old woman grins, takes a big sip of her drink, and replies, “You’re the eighth.”
79. Two friends are walking their dogs together. One has a big black lab, while the other has a minuscule chihuahua. They pass a bar and the lab owner says, “Let’s get a beer.” The chihuahua walker complains, “That would be great, but we can’t take our dogs in there.” The first responds, “Watch me.” The lab owner strolls in with her dog and orders a beer. The bartender tells her, “Sorry, you can’t bring your dog in here.” “He’s my seeing-eye dog,” the woman replies, feigning offense. The bartender quickly apologizes and serves her the beer. The other woman follows, her chihuahua in tow, and orders a beer as well. Again the bartender says there are no dogs allowed in the bar. “He’s my seeing-eye dog,” the woman replies. “Yeah, right,” the bartender says, “A chihuahua? Give me a break.”
Without missing a beat, the woman replies, “They gave me a chihuahua?!”
80. A man walks into a bar. As he sits down, he looks up and notices three pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. He asks the bartender, “What’s with the meat?” The bartender says, “If you can jump up and slap all three pieces at once, you get free drinks for an hour. If you miss even one, you pay for everyone else’s drinks for the rest of the night. Wanna give it a go?”
The man takes another look at the meat and says, “I think I’ll pass. The steaks are too high.”
81. A guy walks into a bar, grabs a seat, and orders a whiskey double, neat. The bartender prepares his drink with great delicacy and brings it right over. The gentleman reaches into his blazer, searching frantically. This catches the bartender’s attention, so he monitors the patron out of the corner of his eye. Finally, the man finds what he’s looking for and sighs a sigh of relief. He pulls out a straw and takes a sip of his whiskey. The perplexed bartender grabs his attention, “I’m terribly sorry sir, was your glass dirty?” T
o which the man replies surprised, “Oh no no everything’s fine! I just promised my wife I’d never put my lips on another glass of whiskey again.”
82. A guy was in a bar drinking beer. He would finish his beer, pull out his wallet and look at a picture of his wife, order another beer, take out his wallet, and look at a picture of his wife. He did this several times. Finally, the bartender asks, why after you finish a beer you take out your wallet and look at a picture of your wife.
The guy says, “As soon as she starts looking better to me, I go home.”
If you enjoyed these bar jokes, we think that you will also enjoy these clown jokes and lawyer jokes.