Many funny things happen in the banking world. Maybe that’s why you can find so many bank jokes to tickle the funny bone. You will find jokes about ATMs, the stock market, and clever wordplays – all in the name of good natured fun.
Ready to chuckle about bank jokes and puns that cover topics like embezzlement, overdraft fees, and loans? We’ve got them here. Let’s get ready for a good laugh with these funny bank jokes.
Funny Bank Jokes That Will Have You Laughing To the Bank
What do loans and bank accounts have in common? They are all part equal fodder for funny bank jokes that even bankers will love.
1. I used to have a bank account with a financial institution at the North Pole.
They froze all my assets.
2. My dad always said to me, “Work until your bank account looks like a phone number” so I did.
Account balance: $9.11.
3. What did the nut say when it held up the bank?
“Give me all the cashew have!”
4. What do you call when you cross a banker and a fish?
A loan shark.
5. Why did the old man take raisins to the bank?
He wanted to set up a current account.
6. If money doesn’t grow on trees, then why do banks have branches?
7. A criminal robbed a bank wearing a suit made of many mirrors. But he turned himself in after taking some time to reflect. Luckily the judge was lenient, as he saw a lot of himself in the young man.
8. Why did the little old lady put her money in the freezer?
She wanted cold, hard cash.
9. I quit my job at the bank today. I guess you can say I lost interest.
10. The bank must really like me. They keep telling me that my loan is outstanding.
11. Why did the tightrope walker go to the bank?
To check his balance.
12. Did you hear about the gold digger?
They enjoy leisurely romantic strolls over to the Bank of America.
13. What did the tree do when the bank closed?
Started its own branch.
14. Always borrow money from a pessimist; he won’t expect it back.
15. How did the banker die?
He cashed out.
16. Sign above bank teller’s station: “To err is human, to forgive is not bank policy.”
17. What do fish use for money?
Sand Dollars.
18. Chuck Norris doesn’t have a bank account.
He just tells the bank how much money he needs.
19. What did the bank teller say to the patron?
“Bank you very much.”
20. What’s the hardest part about being addicted to banking?
The withdrawals.
More Funny Bank Jokes and Puns That You Can Bank On
21. I went to the bank to apply for a personal loan.
Then they found out I wanted to be a rapper. So they didn’t want to Post Malone.
22. What do you call a boy named John who has a lot of money?
Johnny Cash.
23. Give a man a gun and he will rob a bank. Give a man a bank and he will rob everyone.
24. What did the football coach say when he went to the bank?
“I want my quarterback!”
25. Why did the teller lose his job at the bank?
An old lady asked him to check her balance so he tipped her over.
26. Why did the skeleton not rob the bank?
He did not have the guts.
27. If you have no interest in banking
You are not a loan.
28. Why was the woodchopper arrested at the bank?
He walked into a bank, pointed a long, thin piece of wood at the ceiling, and shouted, “This is a stickup!”
29. If money talks, why do we need bank tellers?
When does it rain money?
When there is a “change” in the weather.
30. What do you call a man with a head full of change?
Headquarters.
31. Where do fish keep their money?
In the riverbank.
32. People who rob jewelry stores and banks are pretty bad.
But people who rob bakeries really take the cake.
33. What did the recluse say to the bank teller when he needed money?
“Leave me a loan.”
34. Why do goalkeepers have so much money in the bank?
They’re really good at saving.
35. Why are Irish bankers so successful?
Because their capital’s always Dublin.
36. What did the comedian say when he walked into a bank?
This is a stand-up.
37. A naked man robbed a bank. Nobody could remember his face.
38. A basketball player and a horse jockey just robbed the bank.
Police are looking high and low for the culprits.
39. Why did the bank owner buy cows?
To beef up security.
40. Customer: “Why did you freeze my account?”
Bank manager: “We hope to someday find a cure for what’s wrong with it.”
41. Why is a river rich?
Because it has two banks.
Longer Bank Jokes
42. My uncle always told me he had a fortune in a safe deposit box. He left me the key in his will. I went to the bank, trembling with anticipation, got access to the box, took it into the private viewing room. I opened the box and looked in, there was an envelope inside, when I opened it, a folded piece of paper fell out. I read it, and it said: “Good things are ahead for you. Your lucky numbers are 6, 10, and 13.”
43. Two bankers were walking in the woods when they spotted some tracks. “Those are bear tracks” said the first. “No those are moose tracks” said the other. “Bear Tracks!” “Moose tracks!” “BEAR TRACKS” “MOOSE TRACKS!” They argued for over an hour. And it would have gone on like that all day if a train hadn’t come along and killed them both.
44. These two women were walking through the forest when they hear this voice from under a log. Investigating, the women discovered the voice was coming from a frog:
“Help me, ladies! I am an investment banker who, through an evil witch’s curse, has been transformed into a frog. If one of you will kiss me, I’ll be returned to my former state!”
The first woman took out her purse, grabbed the frog, and stuffed it inside her handbag. The second woman, aghast, screamed, “Didn’t you hear him? If you kiss him, he’ll turn into an investment banker?”
The second woman replied, “Sure, but these days a talking frog is worth more than an investment banker!”
45. A frog walks into a bank and sits at Patty Black’s desk. He asks for a loan. Patty Black says I would be more than happy to give you a loan if you have some collateral.
The frog places a small statue on her desk and says this is all I have. Patty doesn’t know what to think so she gets her supervisor to come over. “I ask him for collateral and this is all he has, I don’t even know what it is.”
The supervisor picks up the statue and says “It’s a Knick Knack Patty Black, give the frog a loan!”
46. Before going to Europe on business, a man drove his Rolls Royce to a downtown NY City bank and went in to ask for an immediate loan of $5,000. The loan officer was quite taken a back, and requested collateral.
“Well, then, here are the keys to my Rolls-Royce”, the man said.
The loan officer promptly had the car driven into the bank’s underground parking for safekeeping, and gave him $5,000. Two weeks later, the man walked through the bank’s doors, and asked to settle up his loan and get his car back.
The loan officer checked the records and told him, “That will be $5,000 in principal, and $15.40 in interest.”
The man wrote out a check, thanked the loan officer, and started to walk away.
“Wait sir,” the loan officer said, “while you were gone, I found out you are a millionaire. Why in the world would you need to borrow?
The man smiled. “Where else could I securely park my Rolls-Royce in Manhattan for two weeks and pay only $15.40
We hope that you’ve enjoyed these hilarious bank jokes that even bankers would approve of. We also think that you will enjoy these money jokes, finance jokes and these veterinarian jokes.