Even accountants needs a laugh and that’s where these accountant jokes count.
When it comes to jobs, you don’t normally think of accountants as belonging to a particularly fun occupation. After all, staring at numbers and dealing with tax can… errm… taxing. Which is all the more reason you need accountant jokes to find humor is whatever you are doing.
We love these accountant jokes for the levity that they bring along with them. However, you may find the humor in some of these accountant jokes and puns something that only insiders may fully understand. But that is great for all the accountants out there who need to take a break.
Enjoy these funny accountant jokes and puns!
Funny Accountant Jokes & Puns
There are three types of accountants.
Those who can count and those who can’t.
How can you tell that an accountant has matured?
He learns to act his wage.
Did you hear about the blonde accountant?
She went to see her fitness trainer to talk about stretch targets.
Did you hear about the accountant turned chef?
He burned his office down trying to cook the books.
Why do economists exist?
So accountants have someone to laugh at.
Why do actuaries exist?
To make accountants look exciting.
What is the definition of “accountant”?
Someone who solves a problem you didn’t know you had in a way you don’t understand.
What are the two rules for creating a successful accountancy business?
1. Don’t tell them everything you know.
2. [Redacted]
What does an accountant say when you ask him the time?
It’s 10.15 am and 12 seconds; no wait – 13 seconds, no wait – 14 seconds, no wait……
Why was the accountant so excited that he completed a jigsaw puzzle in only 59 weeks?
Because on the box it said 8 to 12 Years.
Can you can identify an extroverted accountant?
He who looks at your shoes while he’s talking to you instead of his own.
What does an accountant say when boarding a train?
Mind the GAAP.
It’s 4:04. Do you know where your auditor is?
What is the definition of a good tax accountant?
Someone who has a loophole named after him.
How do you know when an accountant is on holiday?
He doesn’t wear a tie and comes in after 8am!
What’s grey and not there?
An accountant on vacation.
Why do accountants make good lovers?
They’re great with figures.
What do actuaries do to liven up their office party?
Invite an accountant.
A woman went to the doctor who told her she only had 6 months to live.
“Oh no!” said the woman. “What shall I do?”
“Marry an accountant,” suggested the doctor.
“Why? Will that make me live longer?” asked the woman.
“No,” replied the doctor. “But it will SEEM longer.”
Why did the cannibal accountant get disciplined?
For buttering up her clients.
Why don’t accountants read novels?
Because the only numbers in them are page numbers.
What’s the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?
The accountant knows he’s boring.
Why was the accountant in rehab?
Solvency abuse.
More Funny Accountant Jokes – But Who’s Counting
What music is played at an accountant’s funeral?
The Last Post.
What’s an accountant’s favourite book?
50 Shades of Grey.
What do you call a financial controller who always works through lunch, takes two days holiday every two years, is in the office every weekend, and leaves every night after 10 p.m.?
Lazy.
Why do some accountants decide to become actuaries?
When they find bookkeeping too exciting.
What’s an accountant’s favorite type of cereal? Post!
Did you hear about the cannibal CPA?
She charges an arm and a leg.
Have you heard the joke about the interesting accountant?
No. Me neither.
What do you call an accountant who says he’s posted a one-sided journal?
A liar!! Under Sarbox rules it just can’t happen! Can it??!!
Did you hear about the constipated CFO?
He couldn’t budget with his calculator so he had to work it out with a pencil and paper.
Why did the accountant fall out of bed?
Because he forgot his balance sheet.
What do you call an accountant without a spreadsheet?
Lost.
How do you drive an accountant completely insane?
Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him and fold a road map the wrong way.
Where do homeless accountants live?
In a tax shelter.
Why are accountants always so calm, composed, and methodical?
They have strong internal controls.
Why do accountants get excited at the weekends?
Because they can wear casual clothes to work.
When do accountants fall over?
When they lose their balance.
What do you call an accountant with an opinion? An auditor.
Why did the accountant stare at his glass of orange juice for three hours?
Because on the box it said Concentrate.
What did the overworked asset say to the other asset?
I feel under depreciated.
What’s an actuary?
An accountant without the sense of humour.
Did you hear about the deviant Forensic Accountant?
He got his client’s charges reduced from gross indecency to net indecency.
What do accountants do for fun?
Add the telephone book.
What do you call a trial balance that does not balance? A late night.
If an accountant’s wife cannot sleep, what does she say?
“Darling, could you tell me about your work.”
How can you tell when the chief accountant is getting soft?
When he actually listens to marketing before saying no.
What’s the most wicked thing a group of young accountants can do?
Go into town and gang-audit someone.
What do you call a group financial controller who’s lost his job?
Bob.
Why don’t skunks have to pay taxes? They’ve only got one scent.
What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don’t?
Depreciation.
What does CPA stand for?
Can’t Pass Again.
What’s grey on the inside and red on the outside?
An accountant turned inside out.
How does a pirate report treasure on his taxes?
Using schedule sea.
How do accountants make a bold fashion statement?
Wear their dark grey socks instead of the light grey.
How do you know when an accountant’s having a mid-life crisis?
When he buys brown socks.
How do you know when an accountant’s having a mid-life crisis?
When he gets a faster calculator.
How does an accountant trash their hotel room?
By refusing to fill in the Guest Comment Card.
What is the definition of an insolvency practitioner?
Someone who arrives after the battle, bayonets all the wounded, pawns their possessions and charges their time to the relatives.
What’s grey has six legs, two arms and is twenty feet tall?
An accountant riding an elephant.
What do you call an accountant without a calculator?
Lonely.
Why did Sherlock Holmes get audited by the IRS?
He had too many deductions.
How was copper wire invented?
When two accountants argued over a penny.
An accountancy student asks a partner to explain ethics in accountancy.
The partner thinks for a moment and relates the following:
“Mr Jones, one of our clients, came to see me last week and paid me his bill of £1,000 in cash. As he left I counted the notes and they came to £1,100.
The student said. ‘ I see. The ethics question is do I tell the client?’
‘Wrong answer!’
The question is do I tell my partner?”
What do you call an accountant who is seen talking to someone?
Popular.
What did the accountant say when he got a blank check?
My deductions have at last caught up with the salary.
Why did the two accountants call off their engagement?
They couldn’t reconcile their differences.
How did the accountant propose to his girlfriend?
With an engagement letter.
Did you hear about the shy and retiring accountant?
The accountant is $1 million shy and hence is retiring.
Which superhero pays no tax?
Spiderman, all his income is net.
What does the accountant write in his Valentine’s Day card?
“You fill the GAAP in my heart.”
What did the accountant do when his caps lock got stuck?
He capitalized everything.
Why did the auditor get run over crossing the road?
Auditors never actually do the risk assessment well until after the accident happens.
Two accountants are in a bank, when armed robbers burst in. While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the accountants, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc. While this is going on accountant number one jams something in accountant number two’s hand. Without looking down, accountant number two whispers, “What is this?” to which accountant number one replies, “it’s that $50 I owe you.”
Four Laws of Accounting:
1. Trial balances don’t.
2. Bank reconciliations never do.
3. Working capital does not.
4. Return on investments never will.
How many accountants does it take to change a light bulb?
How many did it take last year?
How does Santa’s accountant value his sleigh?
Net Present Value.
What’s the difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion?
Jail.
What do you call a trial balance that doesn’t balance?
A late night.
Where do actors who don’t pay taxes perform? In the audit-orium.
What did the accountant say when he looked at the tax form?
The man who set the standard deduction must have been a bachelor. I am lying when I am listing myself as a head of household.
An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. “Doctor, I just can’t get to sleep at night.” “Have you tried counting sheep?” “That’s the problem – I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it.”
Why did the accountant cross the street?
To bore the people on the other side.
A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, “Want to hear an accountant joke?” The guy next to him replies, “Well, before you tell that joke, you should know that I’m 6 feet tall, 200 pounds, and I’m an accountant. And the guy sitting next to me is 6’2″ tall, 225 pounds, and he’s an accountant. Now, do you still want to tell that joke?” The first guy says, “No, I don’t want to have to explain it two times.”
A business owner tells her friend that she is desperately searching for an accountant.
Her friend asks, “Didn’t your company hire an accountant a short while ago?”
The business owner replies, “That’s the accountant I’ve been searching for.”
Accounting for Dummies.
What’s the big deal? Cr. Cash Dr. Dummies. Simple.
Accounting Puns and Funny One-liners
Be audit you can be.
Accountants don’t die, they get derecognized.
It’s accrual world.
I’d tell you my favorite pastime, but I don’t think you’d depreciate it.
For every tax problem encountered there is a solution that’s straightforward, uncomplicated, and wrong.
Make every day account.
Accountants are the LIFO the party.
An accountant’s biggest workout is crunching numbers.
Accounting is accrual profession.
They say that two things in life are unavoidable: death and taxes. At least death only happens once.
Accountants Excel at everything they do.
I Excel at spreadsheets.
Don’t hate, depreciate.
When an accountant gets a new door, they adjust their entry.
I have a lot of sheets to balance, so account me out!
You can always count on your accountant.
Accounting is a career for smart assets.
Accountants will stop at nothing to avoid a negative balance.
Children may be tax deductible, but they’re still taxing.
America is the land of opportunity. Everybody can become a taxpayer!
You look like a deferred asset because I see some long-term benefits in you.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong.
A tax is a fine for doing well.
Ever wonder why it’s called a Form 1040? For every $50 you earn, you get $10 and they get $40.
Budget: An orderly system for living beyond your means.
Welcome to the accounting department, where everybody counts.
Don’t share with me your accrual intentions.
An economist is someone who didn’t have enough personality to become an accountant.
Becoming an accountant is an alternative for people who don’t have the charm to become undertakers.
The best things in life are free — plus tax, of course.
The pessimist sees the glass as half empty. The optimist sees the glass as half full. But the accountant sees the glass in balance.
If you enjoyed these accountant jokes, we think that you will also appreciate these funny money jokes and puns and these funny math jokes.