Gardening is hard work, but that doesn’t mean it can’t come with a little laughter. Whether you’re trying to grow the perfect tomato or fighting off the local squirrel population, the garden is full of opportunities for humor. These 40 gardener jokes capture the lighter side of the plant world, turning common gardening frustrations into moments of pure comedy. From plant puns to funny plant-related mishaps, these jokes will keep you entertained as you tend to your garden. So, the next time you’re out digging in the dirt, remember: a good laugh is the best fertilizer for a happy gardener.
Sow Some Laughter with These 40 Gardener Jokes
1. My gardener talked to me about edible herbs I can grow
It was sage advice.
2. Did you hear about the gardener who went crazy?
He was hearing voices in his shed.
3. I stood in my garden early yesterday morning wondering where the sun had gone
Then it dawned on me.
4. So my neighbour sees me kneeling down, busy in my garden and asks what I’m doing
“I’m putting all my plants in alphabetical order”
“Really?! I don’t know how you find the time!”
“It’s right next to the sage.”
5. I started growing some fungi in my garden, but it failed miserably
I guess there is mushroom for improvement.
6. My wife said the veg patch had flooded.
Turns out there was a leek.
7. Why couldn’t the crocodile grow any plants?
Because he’s not a proper gator.
8. How did the millionaire gardener get rich so quick?
He was running a huge pansy scheme.
9. Why is Incredible Hulk such a good gardener?
He’s got green fingers.
10. I used to make loads of money clearing leaves from gardens
I was raking it in.
11. A friend perfected his garden flower beds through a process of trowel and error.
12. Yet again, someone has added more soil to my allotment
The plot thickens…
13. What is the gardener’s favourite novel?
War and Peas.
14. A friend dug a hole in the garden and filled it with water
I think he meant well.
15. Why did the gardener quit?
His celery wasn’t high enough.
16. What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Pumpkin pi.
17. A weed is a plant that has mastered every survival skill except for learning how to grow in rows.
18. What do you get if you cross a four-leaf clover with poison ivy?
A rash of good luck.
19. What do you call it when worms take over the world?
Global Worming.
20. I used to have a job making furniture out of plants
I’ll tell you, it was no bed of roses.
21. Why shouldn’t you tell a secret in a garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears!
22. I’m making a belt decorated with herbs from my garden
My friends tell me it’s a waist of thyme.
23. I used to be terrified of gardening
Then I grew a pear.
24. It turns out my front lawn is chicken proof
It’s impeccable.
25. What is brown and runs round the garden?
A fence.
26. What do you call a homeless snail?
A slug.
27. What do you call a tree from another planet?
An extra-tree-restrial.
28. What do trees drink?
Root Beer.
29. What do you call two rows of vegetables?
A duel cabbage way.
30. What did the big flower say to the little flower?
What’s up, bud?!
31. What do you call a cheerleading herb?
An encourage mint!
32. I got attacked by a plant with leaves that looked like pork.
It was a ham bush!
33. Why are plants bad cheerleaders?
Because they’re only rooting for themselves.
34. Why couldn’t the gardener plant any flowers?
He hadn’t botany!
35. What do you call a nervous tree?
A sweaty palm!
36. What position does a baby plant serve in the army?
Infant tree.
37. I want to tell you about a girl who only eats plants
But you’ve probably heard of herbivore.
38. How can you tell when a plant is scared?
It soils itself.
39. I can cut down a tree just by looking at it
It’s true! I saw it with my own eyes.
40. Why was the cucumber mad?
Because it was in a pickle!