They say a good magician never reveals their secrets — but we’re revealing 70 magician jokes that are too good to keep hidden. From vanishing punchlines to card trick comedy, this list is a goldmine for anyone who loves both magic and humour. Whether you’re performing or just chilling backstage, these jokes are the perfect way to keep things light-hearted and fun.
1. I used to be friends with a magician, but we had to stop hanging out.
He kept disappearing on me!
2. Why did the magician bring a ladder to the show?
He wanted to see what was up the rabbit’s sleeve.
3. How do magicians stay cool in the summer?
They use their sleight of fan!
4. Why don’t magicians ever play hide and seek?
Because they always disappear when you’re not looking!
5. Why did the magician bring a broom to the show?
He wanted to sweep the audience off their feet!
6. What’s a magician’s favourite kind of tree?
The palm tree, because they’re great at hiding things in their leaves!
7. Why don’t magicians play cards in the wild?
Because there are too many cheetahs!
8. What’s the difference between a magician and an iPhone?
The iPhone has 32 gigs…
9. I once saw a magician make a stick of butter disappear.
It wasn’t a great trick but it was butter than nothing.
10. What’s the difference between a pizza and a magician?
One can feed a family of four!
11. A good magician’s assistant is hard to find.
They’re highly sawed after.
12. I know this one magician that keeps using trap doors in his act.
It’s just a stage he’s going through.
13. What’s the difference between a magician and his deck of cards?
The deck of cards has four suits!
14. What’s the difference between a magician and a savings bond?
A savings bond will eventually mature and earn money.
15. Did you hear about the angry magician?
He pulled his hare out.
16. What do you call a magician on a plane?
A flying sorcerer!
17. How many magicians does it take to do magic?
Just one will do the trick.
18. What do you call a magician who has lost their magic?
Ian.
19. A Mexican magician was doing a magic show. He said “Uno, dos…”
And he disappeared without a tres.
20. Did you hear about the magician who did magic with chocolate?
He had loads of Twix up his sleeve.
21. I never saw the magician’s spell book.
He kept it under warlock and key.
22. Why did the magician take a bath?
So he could clean up his act.
23. I was fired from my job today as a children’s magician.
Apparently, when I make the kids disappear out of thin air, I also have to make them reappear.
24. I’m like a magician, I make things disappear.
Like my money.
25. Last week I saw a magician walk down the street.
He turned into a supermarket.
26. Did you hear about the magic tractor?
He went down the road and turned into a field.
27. I showed a mime a magic trick.
He was speechless.
28. What do you call a magic owl?
HOOT-DINI.
29. What do you call a magic dog?
A labracadabrador.
30. The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was…
A small medium at large.
31. My son asked me to make him a paper airplane.
I tried all the magic I know but he’s still just a boy.
32. What kind of magic do cows believe in?
Moodoo.
33. What school of magic does a giraffe practice?
Neckromancy.
34. What do you call a bee with a spell on him?
Bee-witched.
35. What do you call a large bird that practices dark magic?
An ostwitch.
36. The problem with twin witches is…
You never know witch is which.
37. Why did the witch go to the doctor?
She had a dizzy spell.
38. I went to witch school when I was a kid.
I didn’t love it. All we did was spell.
39. How long do witches ride broomsticks for on cold nights?
For just a short spell.
40. What happens if someone sees a magic crime?
They enter the Witches’ Protection Program.
41. What do you learn at witch school?
Spelling.
42. How do you make a witch scratch?
By taking away the ‘w’.
43. What do you call witches who live together?
Broom-mates.
44. What do you call a nervous witch?
A twitch.
45. What do you call it when witches are optimistic about the future?
Witchful thinking.
Some jokes pull rabbits out of hats — ours pull laughs from thin air. This roundup of 70 magician jokes is your ultimate source for magical humour that works like a charm. Great for warming up a crowd or just lightening up your day, these jokes are family-friendly, pun-packed, and utterly enchanting. So get ready to laugh until you disappear!
46. Why did the wizard get in trouble at school?
He couldn’t control his wand-erings.
47. Why did the sorcerer always carry around a notebook?
To keep spell-checking.
48. What do you call a wizard who fixes computers?
A techromancer.
49. I met a wizard who could turn anything into a car.
He called it “automagic.”
50. Why did the magician open a bakery?
Because he was great at making things rise.
51. What do you call it when a magician loses his powers during a storm?
A spell outage.
52. What kind of magic do electricians use?
Current spells.
53. Why did the magician keep his secrets in the fridge?
To keep them cool and mysterious.
54. Did you hear about the magician who started a landscaping business?
He was great at lawn illusions.
55. What do you call a magical fish?
A codjurer.
56. Why don’t magicians trust stairs?
Because they’re always up to something.
57. I tried to catch a magician’s rabbit.
But it was a hare too quick.
58. What do magicians say when they’re cleaning?
“Pick a mop, any mop!”
59. Why do magicians love tea?
Because proper tea is theft.
60. I asked the magician for a refund.
He said, “Sorry, no returns — just vanishing acts!”
61. Why don’t magicians make good chefs?
They always whisk it.
62. Why did the magician bring string to the party?
For a knot-ical illusion.
63. What did the magician say when he messed up his trick?
“Oops — abraca-don’t!”
64. What did the magician wear on his head?
A wizard hat, because thinking caps are too basic.
65. Why did the magician get kicked out of the restaurant?
He pulled a hare out of the soup.
66. What’s a magician’s favourite kind of music?
Anything with a good hook.
67. What do you get when a magician wins an award?
A standing a-palm-ation.
68. What happened to the magician who loved cats?
He got caught up in purr-suasive magic.
69. What kind of socks do magicians wear?
Spell-toe socks.
70. How do you make a magician laugh?
Pull their funny bone out of a hat.