Looking for chemistry jokes that really ‘react’? These 100 chemist jokes will have you laughing faster than a chemical reaction! From simple puns to witty one-liners, these jokes are perfect for science lovers who enjoy a little humour while they work with the elements.
1. Salt made a pun joke and it was sodium funny.
2. What did one charged atom say to the other?
I got my ion you.
3. I told a chemistry joke. There was no reaction.
4. Did you hear the tea that oxygen and magnesium are a couple?
5. I am not out of chemistry jokes. I have a couple more.
6. All the good chemistry jokes argon.
7. Forget hydrogen, you’re my number-one element.
8. What did the student say after someone threw sodium chloride at them?
That’s a salt!
9. Want to hear a joke about nitrogen oxide?
NO!
10. What did the chemist say when asked if he had any sodium hypobromite?
NaBrO.
11. Since H₂O is the formula for water, H₂O cubed must be the formula for ice.
12. Why was the electron small?
Because it has a low charge.
13. A chemist’s favorite type of music?
Acid rock!
14. How often should you tell a chemistry joke?
Periodically.
15. Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?
It went OK.
16. Why aren’t atoms trustworthy?
They make up everything.
17. What kind of dog did the chemist have?
A laboratory retriever.
18. What do you do with a sick chemist?
Helium.
19. What do you call a clown in jail?
A silicon.
20. What do you call two diamonds out to dinner?
A carbon dating.
21. What’s another name for Silver Surfer and Iron Man?
Instant alloys.
22. How did the hipster chemist burn his hand on the beaker?
He picked it up before it was cool.
23. Why didn’t the chemists work out as a couple?
They had no chemistry.
24. Why did carbon and hydrogen become fast friends?
They really bonded.
25. How did the chemist survive the famine?
By subsisting on titrations.
26. Where did the chemist put his dirty dishes?
In the zinc.
27. Why are noble gasses lonely?
They’re the most stable alone.
28. The chemist was pulled over for having sodium chloride and a 9-volt in his car.
He was booked on a salt and battery.
29. What do solids, liquids, and gasses have in common?
They all matter.
30. Why did ammonia order a pumpkin latte?
Because it’s basic.
31. I heard oxygen and magnesium were going out and I was like OMg!
32. Why did the chemist like the book about helium so much?
He just couldn’t put it down.
33. Why did everyone turn to the chemist to solve their problems?
They always had solutions.
34. What is HIJKLMNO?
H₂O.
35. Why did the white bear dissolve in water?
Because it was polar.
36. Why was the comedian bad at writing jokes about the periodic table?
He wasn’t in his element.
37. If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the … precipitate.
38. What did the chemist say when she found two new isotopes of helium?
HeHe.
39. Why did the noble gas cry?
Because all of his friends argon.
40. Why do chemists like nitrates?
They’re cheaper than day rates.
41. What do you call someone who says a lithium and argon atom are bonded?
A Li-Ar
42. What stops people from telling chemistry jokes?
They are terrified of the reaction.
43. What should you do with dead chemists?
Barium.
44. What do you call a plant that grew in a lab?
A chemistree.
45. What happens to nitrogen when it’s exposed to the sun?
It becomes daytrogen.
46. What do you call an ion that raps?
Fluoride, duh. (Flo Rida!)
47. Did the chemist see the glass as half full or half empty?
Neither. They saw it as half full of liquid and half full of air.
48. The entire lab smelled like rotten eggs.
Everyone was sulfering.
49. Two atoms were walking down the beach.
One said, “Hey, I think I lost an electron.”
The other asked, “Are you sure?”
The first said, “Yes, I’m positive.”
Ready for some science humour that’s more than just atoms and molecules? These chemist jokes are packed with clever puns, harmless humour, and a touch of chemistry fun. They’re perfect for lab enthusiasts, science teachers, or anyone who likes a joke with a little ‘reaction’!
50. Why does a hamburger have less energy than a steak?
Because it is in a ground state.
51. Why did the chemist love club music?
They love when the base drops.
52. What do you call an upbeat 2,000-pound chemist?
A pro-ton.
53. Why did the chemist become a comedian?
To deliver the perfect punchline with his reactions!
54. Want to hear a potassium joke?
K!
55. What is a tooth in a glass of water?
A one-molar solution.
56. Why was the organic chemistry teacher’s life troublesome?
They often find themselves in alkynes of trouble!
57. What was the chemist’s favourite holiday song?
Oh Chemistree, Oh Chemistree.
58. Where do amino acids go to pray?
The cysteine chapel.
59. Titanium is the most amorous metal because when it gets hot, it’ll combine with anything.
60. Which element is treated as God in organic chemistry?
Carbon, because it is omnipresent in all organic compounds.
61. What do you call an acid with an attitude?
A-mean-o acid.
62. What do you get when you cross an element and a Norse god?
Thorium.
63. What did the chemist say when there was an explosion in the lab?
Oxidants happen.
64. What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder?
You may have graduated, but I have several degrees.
65. What should you do when you run out of chemistry jokes?
Zinc of new ones.
66. Two chemists walk into a bar.
One says, “I’ll have an H₂O.”
The other says, “I’ll have an H₂O too!”
The second chemist dies.
67. Why did the attacking army use acid?
To neutralise the enemy’s base!
68. What do you do with a sick chemist?
If you can’t helium, and you can’t curium, then you might as well barium!
69. Oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorus walk into a bar.
“OH SNaP!” says the bartender.
70. Old chemists never die. They just stop reacting.
71. Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?
It went OK!
72. A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, “How much for a beer?”
The bartender smiles and says, “For you, no charge.”
73. How do chemists keep track of their relationships?
They always have a bond chart!
74. What’s the dullest element?
Bohrium!
75. Have you heard the one about a chemist reading a book about helium?
He just couldn’t put it down!
76. The optimist sees the glass half full. The pessimist sees it half empty.
The chemist sees it completely full—half liquid, half air.
77. Why can you never trust atoms?
They make up everything!
78. What did the biologist wear to impress the chemist?
Designer genes!
79. How do you cure a sick balloon?
You helium up!
80. Why was the mole of oxygen excited after leaving the singles bar?
Because he got Avogadro’s number!
81. What is uranium + fluorine + oxygen?
UFO
82. What’s a chemist’s favourite thing to teach about?
Ammonia, because it’s pretty basic stuff.
83. What happens when you lower your body temperature to -273°C?
Nothing. You’re 0K.
84. Why are chemists great problem solvers?
Because they always have a solution!
85. How did the hipster chemist burn his hand?
He picked up the beaker before it was cool.
86. If Iron Man and Silver Surfer teamed up, they’d be alloys.
87. I want to write jokes about the periodic table…
But I don’t think I’ll be in my element.
88. What show do cesium and iodine love to watch together?
CSI.
89. What was Avogadro’s favourite sport?
Golf—he always got a mole-in-one!
90. What is HIJKLMNO?
H₂O!
91. What did silver say to gold at the bar?
“Au, get outta here!”
92. What element is a girl’s future best friend?
Carbon!
93. Anyone know any jokes about sodium?
Na.
94. If you’re not part of the solution…
You’re part of the precipitate.
95. What do you call a clown in jail?
A Silicon!
96. What is the chemical formula for sea water?
CH₂O!
97. Want to hear a joke about nitrogen oxide?
NO!
98. If H₂O is the formula for water, what’s the formula for ice?
H₂O cubed!
99. I think these jokes are sodium funny.
In fact, I slapped my neon that one!
100. Wait, are all these jokes too basic for you?
Because I see no reaction.
Looking for more jokes, check out this list of jokes here: Optometrist Jokes That’ll Have You Seeing Double (From Laughter!)