Want to milk a joke for all it is worth? How about checking out some of these funny milk jokes that will have you and your listeners laughing away hysterically? We are all familiar with the white liquid and may be that is why everyone can relate to these milk jokes.
Much more than just simply about milk, these jokes are also about dairy farmers and their cows. We are sure that you will certainly find them amusing and entertaining!
Milk Jokes That Will Churn Up Laughter
1. Why is milk the fastest liquid on earth?
Because it is pasteurized before you even see it.
2.What do you call a cow that’s stopped producing milk?
An udder failure.
3. Why did the milk turn into yogurt when it was taken to the Lourve?
Because it became cultured milk
4. How do you call the greatest milk ever produced?
Legendairy.
5. What do you call a ship carrying dairy cows?
A Galleon of Milk
6. Why does a milking stool only have three legs?
Because the cow has the udder.
7. How does a glass of milk introduce itself in Spanish?
Soy Milk.
8. What sound does a cow make when it runs out of milk?
None. There is udder silence.
9. Why cant milk cartons walk?
Because they lactose.
10. Cereal first or milk first?
Neither. Bowl first.
11. Why is it difficult for cows to sneak around late at night?
Because they lactose.
12. What kind of milk is used to make Swiss cheese?
Hole milk.
13. Why was the killer obsessed with dairy?
Because he was a cereal killer
14. Why do you call a cow farmer who does not know how to milk a cow?
Udderly ignorant.
15. Why did the man get fired from his new job at the dairy factory for making 1% milk the wrong way?
Because instead of following the instructions exactly, he just skimmed them.
More Milk Jokes for Laughs
Milk jokes are super funny and even the lactose intolerant will still be able to enjoy a good laugh with these silly puns and quips.
16. Did you hear about what happened when the farmer tried to collect some wool and milk from his farm animals and they went crazy?
It was shear and udder panic.
17. A programmer’s wife tells him as he leaves the house: “While you’re out, buy some milk.”
He never returns home and the universe runs out of milk.
18. What happens if a cow drinks her own milk?
It goes in one end and out the udder.
19. What did the many say when he opened the fridge and saw 2% milk?
He thought he better charge it soon.
20. Where does condensed milk come from?
Dwarf cows!
21. Did you hear about the farmer that failed dairy farming school?
He didn’t work well with udders.
22. Did you hear about the dairy farmer who got into the healthy oat milk business?
He barley able to make ends meet.
23. What did the man say when he went to see the doctor and the doctor told him that he was allergic to milk?
No whey!
24. Did you hear about the kid who lost the spelling bee on the word “dairy”?
I told him that there was no use crying over misspelled milk.
25. Where do virtual cows store milk?
In the random access mammary.
26. Old man drinks milk and gets gas.
He has a problem with his dairy air.
27. If Cinderella had been a dairy maid she would have been called…
Mozzarella!
28. Why are dairy farmers non-monogamous?
Because they see udders.
29. I love to drink 2% milk every morning
But I’ve always wondered, what’s the other 98%?
30. Why did a blonde drink a carton of milk in the store?
Because it said “open here”.
Even More Milk Jokes to Spread Around
These milk jokes are barely cheesy. So be sure to spread them around. We are sure that you will enjoy getting cultured with these funny milk jokes and puns.
31. I don’t think that milk comes from cows.
My friends say I’m just in udder disbelief.
32. What do you call a wizard who specializes in dairy based magic?
A lactomancer.
33. Why don’t dairy farmers wear flip flops?
Because they lactose.
34. Two astronauts are chilling on the space station when one turns to the other and says, “I can’t find any milk for my coffee.”
The second astronaut replies, “In space no one can, here use cream.”
35. A man’s wife told him: “Please go to the store and buy a carton of milk and if they have eggs, get six.” 40 minutes later, he came back with 6 cartons of milk. She looked at her husband incredulously and said, “Why did you buy six cartons of milk?”
The man replied, “They had eggs.”
36. A farmer was milking his cow. At one point, he noticed a fly buzzing in the cows’ ear. Shortly after the farmer looked down at the bucket and noticed a fly swimming in the milk.
“Huh,” said the farmer. “In one ear, out the udder.”
37.I don’t drink cow milk, because I’m not a baby cow.
However I do drink almond milk, because I’m a little nutty!
38. An ant was walking around when it found an ant of his very same species that was 10 times larger that it was. The first ant asked the second, “Why are you so big?” The second ant replied, “I drink a lot of milk.”
The first ant thought for a moment and said, “Lactose in taller ant.”
39. The wife asks her husband, “can you pick up some milk?” The husband walks over to the milk gallon and lifts it up. He replies and says, “Yeah it’s easy.” Frustrated, the wife says to her husband in a loud tone, “I mean from the store!”
The husband replies, “I would imagine it weighs the same there too.”
40. A farmer was concerned that his cows were not producing enough milk. Worried, he went to consult a farming expert. The farming expert listened patiently to what the farmer had to say. The farmer shared about how one of the cows was not eating enough and another cow was eating too much. He also shared about the type of hay that he fed the cows and how many times and what time of the day that the cow are fed. Listening for more than an hour, the farming expert says to the farmer, “maybe you should tlak to the cows like you have been talking to me.” Slightly confused, the farmer asks the farming expert quizzically, “Why?”
With a serious look on his face, the farming expert turns to the farmer and says, “Because studies have shown that cows produce more milk when the farmer talks to them. It is a case of “in one ear, and out the udder”.”
41. A long time ago, a father, visiting America from Europe for the very first time. He went up and down the aisles with his son-in-law at the local store. He constantly asked questions about products he saw: “Vas diss? Powdered orange juice?” “Yeh, Dad. You just add a little water, and you have fresh ‘orange juice.'” A few minutes later, in a different aisle: “Und vas dis? Powdered milk?” “Yeh, Dad. You just add a little water, and you have fresh milk!”
A few minutes later, in a different aisle: “Und give a look here! Baby powder! Vat a country!”
42.A man stops by the convenience store to grab some milk. Just a gallon. He take the gallon of milk and goes up to the cashier. She rings him up and he pays for the gallon of milk. “Would you like a bag for that sir?” the cashier asks.
The man swiftly replies, “No I’ll keep it in the container, last time I put it in the bag it spilled everywhere.”
If you have enjoyed these funny milk jokes, we are sure that you will appreciate these cow jokes, chocolate jokes and coffee jokes.