Comedy is all about timing, and the perfect joke can turn any tough crowd into a laughing one. Whether you’re an aspiring stand-up, a joke enthusiast, or just looking for a giggle, these 400 comedian jokes will deliver punchlines faster than a mic drop. From jokes about hecklers to hilarious takes on the struggles of stand-up life, this collection proves that laughter really is the best medicine!
-
Why did the comedian bring a pillow to the show?
Because they always wanted to deliver some good one-liners! -
Why did the comedian bring a mirror to their performance?
So they could see the audience double over with laughter! -
Why did the comedian become a chef?
Because he knew how to spice up any situation – with a dash of humor! -
How do comedians like their coffee?
They take it with a lot of punchlines! -
Why did the comedian only eat knock-knock jokes for breakfast?
Because they crack him up! -
Why don’t comedians tell secrets on stage?
Because they always get a laugh out of the audience! -
Why did the comedian bring a map on stage?
He wanted to make sure he was always on the right path to comedy gold! -
Why did the comedian bring a mirror on stage?
To reflect on his own jokes and see if they’re funny! -
What did the comedian say when they saw a ghost in the audience?
“I guess I’m killing it even in the afterlife!” -
Why did the comedian become an astronaut?
He wanted to make jokes that are out of this world! -
Why did the comedian always carry a notebook?
Because he couldn’t afford a punchline memory! -
Why did the comedian become a gardener?
Because he wanted to tell jokes that would really grow on people! -
Why did the comedian bring a pen and paper on stage?
In case he had to do some stand-up writing! -
Why don’t comedians like telling secrets?
Because they always end up spilling the punchline! -
Why did the comedian become a magician?
Because he wanted to disappear when the audience didn’t laugh! -
Why don’t bicycles fall over?
Because they are two-tired! -
Why did the comedian bring a pen and paper to the comedy show?
He wanted to take notes on how to be funnier than the performer! -
Why did the comedian always carry a suitcase?
Because he wanted to pack his jokes and take them on the road to humor! -
Why did the comedian bring a spoon to the comedy club?
Because he heard the jokes were going to be cheesy! -
What do you call a snowman with a six-pack?
An abdominal snowman! -
Why did the comedian get kicked out of the library?
Because they couldn’t stop making bookworms laugh! -
Why don’t comedians need umbrellas?
They always have a good dry sense of humor! -
Why did the comedian take a nap during his performance?
He wanted to make sure he was well-rested for the punchlines. -
Why don’t comedians ever do gardening?
Because they’re always too busy telling jokes to plant anything! -
Why don’t oysters donate to charity?
Because they are shellfish! -
How do comedians stay cool during their performance?
They use comedy fans-tastic techniques! -
Why did the comedian start farming?
Because they wanted to grow some corny jokes! -
Why did the comedian become an astronaut?
Because he wanted to explore the universe of comedy. -
What did the comedian say when the audience didn’t laugh at their joke?
“Well, I guess my comedy is too intelligent for you mere mortals!” -
Why did the comedian go to school?
To improve his stand-up comedy skills and get a “de-greeeease” in laughs. -
What’s a comedian’s favorite pet?
A pun-ny bunny! It always hops around delivering laughter! -
Why don’t melons ever get married?
Because they can’t elope! -
Why did the comedian take a job at the bakery?
He kneaded the dough to rise in comedy! -
Why did the comedian always carry a notepad?
So they could jot down any funny thoughts before they slipped their mind! -
Why did the comedian refuse to perform for cacti?
He didn’t want to be pricked by their spiky sense of humor! -
What do you call a comedian who loses all their jokes?
A stand-up tragedy! -
What did the comedian say when asked about their secret to making people laugh?
“It’s all about timing… and a lot of bad puns!” -
Why did the comedian become a locksmith?
Because he wanted to unlock the secrets of humor. -
What did the comedian say to the heckler?
“I’m sorry, sir, but laughing at your own jokes is my job.” -
Why did the comedian become a baker?
Because he knew he could always get a rise out of the audience! -
Why did the comedian go to the dentist?
He wanted to improve his delivery of punchlines and get a better bite! -
Why did the comedian go to the dentist?
Because he wanted to improve his delivery by perfecting his punchlines. -
Why did the comedian always carry a notebook?
Because he wanted to jot down all his funny thoughts before they escaped! -
Why did the comedian take up painting?
Because he wanted to master the art of making people laugh! -
Why did the comedian go broke?
He couldn’t control his punchlines! -
What did the comedian say to the heckler?
“I’m not sure what’s scarier, your joke or your fashion sense!” -
Why did the comedian bring a mirror on stage?
So he could see the audience doubling over with laughter! -
Why did the comedian get a job at the bakery?
Because they kneaded a few more dough-lar jokes for their routine! -
What did the comedian say when the audience didn’t laugh at his joke?
“Tough crowd, I guess I’ll have to quit my day job at the laughing gas factory!” -
Why don’t some couples go to the gym?
Because some relationships don’t work out. -
Why did the comedian become a beekeeper?
Because he wanted to have a lot of buzz around his jokes! -
Why did the comedian go to the dentist?
Because they wanted to have a good set of punchlines! -
What did the comedian say when he couldn’t remember his jokes?
“I guess I’ll just wing it!” -
What did the comedian do when he heard a funny joke?
He laughed, but then realized he was in front of a mirror and laughed even more. -
Why did the comedian take up painting?
Because they wanted to brush up on their comedy skills! -
Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself?
Because it was two-tired! -
What did the comedian say to the heckler?
“Your jokes are so bad, I should be paying you for the laughs!” -
What’s a comedian’s favorite type of footwear?
Puns! They’re always ready to step up their comedy game! -
Why did the comedian become an electrician?
Because they knew how to lighten up any room! -
Why did the comedian bring a parrot on stage?
Because they needed a good wingman for their jokes! -
Why did the comedian go to the bakery?
Because they wanted to make some fresh puns! -
Why did the comedian go broke?
He couldn’t stop making puns – they were always playing on his words! -
Why did the comedian get kicked out of the library?
Because he couldn’t keep his jokes quiet! -
Why did the comedian become an astronaut?
Because they wanted to make everyone laugh in space! -
Why did the comedian go broke?
He kept paying for everyone’s punchlines! -
What did the comedian say when the audience didn’t laugh?
“Well, I guess that joke is a real stand-up guy!” -
Why don’t bicycles stand up on their own?
They’re two-tired! -
Why don’t eggs tell jokes?
Because they might crack up! -
Why did the comedian become an astronomer?
He was always looking for new stars to laugh with and wanted to perform in the galaxy of comedy! -
Why don’t comedians get married?
They’re too good at finding the punchline! -
Why don’t comedians need their own drinks?
Because they already know how to get the punchline! -
How do comedians measure their success?
In chuckles and belly laughs per minute! -
What do comedians call their sleepwear?
Pajokeamas! -
What did the comedian say to his smartphone?
“Tell me a joke, Siri, maybe you’ll actually get a laugh!” -
Why did the comedian go to the dentist?
Because they needed some comedy floss to keep their jokes clean! -
Why don’t seagulls fly over the bay?
Because then they would be bay-gulls! -
Why did the comedian become a math teacher?
Because he could always count on making people laugh! -
Why don’t mummies take vacations?
They’re afraid they’ll unwind! -
What do you call a comedian who doesn’t get any laughs?
A stand-up guy. -
Why did the math teacher go to the beach?
To work on his tan lines! -
What’s a comedian’s favorite type of boat?
A joke-row! -
Why did the comedian always carry a map?
Because they were always looking for new territories to conquer with their jokes! -
Why don’t ants ever get sick?
Because they have little anty-bodies! -
Why did the comedian start a gardening business?
Because they had a knack for growing punchlines! -
Why did the comedian take up gardening?
Because they wanted to cultivate humor in every aspect of their life! -
Why did the comedian wear a sweater on stage?
Because they wanted to warm up the crowd! -
What did the comedian say to the heckler?
“I’m not a stand-up guy, but I’ll make you sit down!” -
Why did the comedian become a gardener?
Because he wanted to make people laugh till they wet their plants! -
Why did the comedian bring a thesaurus on stage?
In case they needed to find a better punchline! -
Why did the comedian bring a stopwatch on stage?
Because he wanted to make sure his timing was always perfect. -
Why did the comedian always have a parachute on stage?
Just in case their jokes bombed! -
What did the comedian say after a terrible performance?
“Don’t worry, folks, I’m just practicing for my upcoming special… my special ed class!” -
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was two-tired! -
What did the big flower say to the little flower?
“Hi, bud!” -
Why don’t thieves like to steal from libraries?
Because the books are always overdue! -
How do comedians stay cool in the summer?
They find shade under the punchlines! -
Why was the comedian always getting mistaken for a chef?
Because he kept adding a lot of spice to his punchlines! -
Why did the comedian become a gardener?
Because they wanted to make people laugh by telling “plant”astic jokes! -
What did one comedian say to the other at the comedy club?
“Let’s make this place a-laugh-cart!” -
Why did the comedian become a dentist?
He wanted to make everyone smile, one tooth at a time! -
Why did the comedian refuse to play cards with the jungle animals?
Because they were tired of cheetahs always telling jokes about spots! -
What do you call fake spaghetti?
An impasta! -
Why don’t comedians do well in math class?
Because they always try to find the funny angle! -
Why did the comedian carry a penguin on stage?
Because they wanted to break the ice with their jokes! -
Why did the comedian carry a notebook?
Because he wanted to make every joke a “stand-up” joke! -
Why do comedians love cooking shows?
Because they’re always looking for new ways to spice up their jokes! -
Why did the comedian become a baker?
Because he kneaded the dough – and the laughs! -
Why did the comedian bring a map to their show?
Because they wanted to navigate their way through laughter! -
Why did the comedian go broke?
Because he couldn’t find the humor in his bank account! -
Why did the comedian wear sunglasses during their performance?
Because they wanted to “shade” the audience with their humor! -
Why did the comedian wear a cape on stage?
Because they wanted to be a super funny hero! -
Why did the comedian go to the dentist?
To get some new fillings for their punchlines! -
Why did the comedian always wear a helmet on stage?
Because his jokes were so bad they had a high chance of bombing! -
What did the comedian say when the audience didn’t laugh?
“Well, I guess I’ll just laugh at my own jokes!” -
What did the comedian say when he won the lottery?
“Looks like I’ve got some laugh-teries to pay off!” -
Why did the comedian wear a helmet on stage?
Because his jokes were always a real knockout! -
Why did the comedian go to the gym?
He wanted to work on his stand-up routine and get some real reps! -
Why don’t scientists trust staircases?
Because they’re always up to something! -
Why don’t comedians eat clocks?
Because time flies when they’re having fun on stage! -
Why don’t ants go to church?
Because they are in sects! -
What did the comedian say when they forgot their punchline?
“I guess my joke just got a case of amnesia!” -
Why did the comedian become an archaeologist?
Because they loved digging up ancient jokes! -
Why don’t scientists trust atoms?
Because they make up everything, just like a comedian’s jokes! -
Why did the comedian open a bakery?
Because he wanted to make people roll with laughter, and sometimes, with doughnuts. -
Why did the comedian take up knitting?
Because they wanted to spin some yarns and jokes! -
How do you make a comedian laugh on a Saturday night?
Tell them a joke… on a Tuesday! -
Why did the comedian go skydiving?
Because he wanted to experience the ultimate punchline. -
How do comedians make their coffee?
They use their “wit”ers! -
What’s a comedian’s favorite type of cheese?
PUN-ster cheese! -
What’s a comedian’s favorite type of math?
Stand-up comedy-calculus! -
Why did the comedian always carry a microphone?
For instant applause! -
Why don’t vampires go to barbecues?
They don’t like steaks! -
How do comedians like their coffee?
Dark and full of jokes! -
Why did the clown become a comedian?
He needed a laugh change. -
Why did the comedian open a bakery?
He kneaded some more jokes! -
What’s a comedian’s favorite type of transportation?
Punchlines! -
What did the comedian say to the heckler?
“You’re a stand-up audience!” -
Why did the comedian carry a ladder on stage?
Punchlines needed height! -
What did the comedian say when asked about their favorite vegetable?
“Wit-atoes!” -
What did the comedian say to the heckler?
“I’m joking, not you!” -
How do comedians greet each other?
With a pun-shake! -
How do comedians stay cool during a performance?
They use punchlines! -
What did the comedian say to the computer?
“I need more gigglebytes!” -
What’s a comedian’s favorite snack?
Punchlines – they’re always on the go! -
What’s a comedian’s favorite type of computer?
A Dell-larious! -
How do you make a comedian laugh?
Tell them your bank balance! -
Why don’t comedians like vampires?
They always suck the life out! -
Why don’t comedians ever get bored?
They always have punch lines! -
What’s a comedian’s favorite type of math?
Division, it always gets laughs! -
Why don’t comedians like to date dentists?
They always fill the silence. -
Why don’t comedians need maps?
They always find the punchline! -
What’s a comedian’s favorite type of car?
A pun-tilateral! -
Why did the comedian fail as a magician?
Their jokes always disappeared! -
Why don’t comedians need umbrellas?
They always have good timing! -
Why did the comedian always carry a pen and paper?
Punchlines! -
What did one comedian say to the other?
“Let’s keep it punny!” -
Why did the comedian always carry a pencil?
For stand-up-igraphy! -
Why did the comedian go broke?
He kept telling jokes for free! -
Why was the comedian’s car so funny?
It had side-splitting doors! -
Why did the comedian become a meteorologist?
He loved forecasting laughs! -
What’s a comedian’s favorite insect?
A “giggle-worm”! -
Why did the comedian carry a watermelon on stage?
For some punchlines! -
Why did the comedian become a weatherman?
They loved thunderous applause! -
What’s a comedian’s favorite exercise?
Laugh-erobics! -
Why did the comedian go to school?
To improve his stand-up grades! -
Why did the comedian always wear glasses?
To see the punchlines clearly! -
What do you call a comedian with a cold?
A sick joker! -
Why did the comedian go broke?
He didn’t have any cents! -
What’s a comedian’s favorite type of corn?
Popcorn! -
Why did the comedian bring a ladder to the show?
Stand-up comedy! -
What did the comedian say when the audience didn’t laugh?
“Tough crowd!” -
What’s a comedian’s favorite type of clothing?
Jokes-tumes! -
Why did the comedian bring a ladder on stage?
For high jokes! -
What’s a comedian’s favorite type of exercise?
Laughing out loud! -
What do you call a funny bone in a comedian?
A humerus! -
Why did the comedian bring a pencil to the show?
For punchlines! -
What’s a comedian’s favorite fruit?
The punchline-apple! -
Why did the comedian always carry a mirror?
To practice self-reflection! -
Why did the comedian go to jail?
He stole the spotlight! -
Why don’t comedians like vampires?
They suck all the laughs! -
Why did the comedian become a doctor?
They loved delivering punchlines! -
What do you call a comedian who fakes laughter?
A counterfeit joker! -
How does a comedian clean his house?
With a lot of punchlines! -
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear! -
How does a comedian drink coffee?
He brews it for the punchline! -
Why did the comedian become a chef?
They wanted more punchlines! -
Why did the comedian go broke?
He couldn’t make ends meet! -
I went to a comedy show and the comedian asked if I was ready to laugh.
I said, “I’m born ready, but I’ll laugh on the delivery!” -
I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now.
-
I asked my dog if he wanted to hear a joke.
He just tilted his head, so I guess he’s more of a “paws” audience. -
I told a joke at a comedy competition and got booed off stage.
Apparently, I misunderstood when they said it was a “stand-up” competition. -
I wanted to be a stand-up comedian, but my legs disagreed and I ended up sitting down instead.
-
I asked a comedian if he could make me laugh until my sides hurt.
He said, “Sure, but your medical insurance won’t cover it!” -
Why was the comedian so bad at gardening?
Because his jokes never grew on anyone. -
I’m friends with 25 letters of the alphabet.
I don’t know Y. -
Why did the golfer bring an extra pair of pants?
In case he got a hole in one! -
My friend told me I should be more assertive.
I said, “Oh yeah? Well, I don’t think I should.” -
I asked a comedian if she knew any good knock-knock jokes.
She said, “I don’t know, can you interrupt me?” -
I have a fear of speed bumps, but I’m slowly getting over it.
-
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot! -
Why don’t skeletons ever fight each other?
They don’t have the guts! -
I used to be a stand-up comedian, but now I’m sitting down.
-
I used to be a mime, but I broke the silence and became a comedian.
-
Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers?
They say he made a mint! -
I asked a comedian if he could make me laugh so hard that I forget all my problems.
He replied, “Sorry, I’m not a magician.” -
Why did the comedian always carry a map?
In case his jokes fell flat, he could always find his way back to the punchline! -
I went to a comedy show and the comedian told a joke about time travel.
It was about time! -
Why did the comedian open a bakery?
Because he wanted to make everyone’s day a little bit butter. -
What did the grape say when it got stepped on?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine! -
My wife said I should do lunges to stay in shape.
That would be a big step forward for me. -
What’s a comedian’s favorite kind of tree?
A pun! -
I tried to book a comedian for my party, but they told me they couldn’t come on such short notice.
I said, “Well, can you at least make me laugh in 30 seconds?” -
I used to be a tailor, but I wasn’t suited for it.
-
I asked my friend to tell me a joke about unemployed people.
He said, “Nevermind, none of them work.” -
I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes.
She hugged me tightly. -
I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes, so she gave me a big hug.
-
I auditioned to be a comedian, but they said I wasn’t funny enough.
I guess my life is just one big punchline. -
I tried to write a joke about a comedian, but it didn’t have a punchline.
-
I asked a mime how he communicates with people, but he refused to say anything.
-
I wanted to tell a joke about a comedian, but it’s a tough act to follow.
-
I thought about becoming a comedian, but then I realized I don’t have the “punchline” figure for it.
-
How do you organize a space party?
You “planet”! -
I once dated a comedian, but she left me for better punchlines.
-
What did one hat say to the other hat?
You stay here, I’ll go on ahead! -
I tried to be a comedian but I couldn’t handle the pressure.
Turns out, I’m more of a depressurizer. -
I told my wife I wanted to be a stand-up comedian, and she laughed.
Well, she’s not laughing now, because I’m standing up! -
I bought a ceiling fan, but it doesn’t know the lyrics to any songs.
-
I went to see a comedian who did a show about construction.
It was a real “build”-buster! -
I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands instead.
-
Why did the comedian become an astronaut?
He wanted to find humor in the space-time continuum! -
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them! -
I told the waiter I had a funny bone.
He said, “Well, it’s not on the menu.” -
Why did the comedian always carry a notepad?
Because he wanted to write down every punchline. -
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity.
It’s impossible to put down. -
I went to a comedy show and laughed so hard that I almost got an ab workout.
Almost. -
I bought a ceiling fan the other day.
Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying, “Ooh, I love how smooth it is.” -
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She seemed surprised. -
I’ve just written a song about tortillas; actually, it’s more of a rap.
-
I ordered a chicken and an egg online.
I’ll let you know which comes first. -
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fsh. -
Why did the comedian take up gardening?
Because he wanted to work on his plant-based material! -
I asked the librarian if she had any books on paranoia.
She whispered, “They’re right behind you!” -
I asked the comedian if he could make me laugh so hard that I snort.
He said, “Sure, just pay for the front row tickets.” -
I met a comedian who could make people laugh by just standing there.
He had a great sense of statue! -
A comedian walked into a bar and said, “Ouch! That really hurt.”
-
I went to a seafood disco last night and pulled a mussel.
-
Why did the comedian refuse to play cards with the forest animals?
Because he was afraid of a cheetah! -
Why don’t they play poker in the jungle?
Too many cheetahs! -
I asked the gym instructor if he could teach me to do the splits.
He replied, “How flexible are you?” I said, “I can’t make it on Tuesdays.” -
Why don’t skeletons ever become comedians?
They don’t have the guts for it! -
I asked a comedian for his best joke.
He said, “I’m my own punchline.” -
What did one wall say to the other wall?
I’ll meet you at the corner! -
Why was the comedian’s refrigerator always empty?
Because he kept cracking up the eggs! -
I told my dad I wanted to be a comedian, and he said, “Son, you’ve been cracking me up since you were born.”
I guess I started early. -
Why did the comedian become a baseball coach?
Because he knew how to hit all the right jokes. -
I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.
-
I told a comedian that his joke was so bad, it wasn’t even funny.
He replied, “Well, it’s a work in progress, just like my career!” -
Why couldn’t the bicycle find its way home?
It lost its bearings! -
My friend asked me to stop singing Oasis songs in public, but I said maybe.
-
I told the doctor I broke my funny bone.
He said I should stop trying to tickle myself. -
Why did the comedian bring a spoon to the comedy show?
Because he heard laughter was the best medicine. -
I told my friend I wanted to be a comedian, and he said, “You’re already a joke.”
Thanks for the support, buddy. -
I tried to take a comedian’s advice and laugh at my problems.
Turns out, my boss didn’t appreciate it during my performance review. -
I tried to catch some fog earlier.
I mist. -
I tried out a new joke about comedians, but it didn’t land.
I guess it was a bit of a “stand-up fail.” -
I went to a comedy club and sat in the front row.
The comedian asked if I was a plant. I said, “No, I’m just trying to grow an audience!” -
Why did the comedian bring a stopwatch on stage?
Because he wanted to do some stand-up comedy! -
I went to a comedy show and the comedian asked if anyone had seen his last performance.
I raised my hand and said, “Unfortunately, yes.” -
Why did the math book look sad?
Because it had too many problems. -
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.
I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day! -
I told a joke to a famous comedian.
He laughed, but I think it was just out of pity. -
Why did the comedian bring a flashlight to the show?
Because he wanted to shed some light on the audience’s laughter! -
Why did the comedian become a beekeeper?
Because he wanted to be surrounded by buzzworthy punchlines. -
Why did the comedian refuse to play cards?
Because he was tired of dealing with all the jokers in the deck! -
How do comedians like their coffee?
Dark, like their sense of humor. -
Why did the comedian always wear sunglasses on stage?
So he could keep an eye on the punchlines! -
Why don’t comedians like to tell secrets?
Because they can’t keep a straight face. -
Why was the comedian always cold?
Because he could never find the punchline! -
Why did the comedian take up painting?
They wanted to create some funny art! -
Why did the comedian become a postal worker?
Because he wanted to deliver jokes that would always hit the right addresses! -
Why did the comedian join the circus?
Because they wanted to be the ultimate jokester under the big top! -
Why don’t comedians ever get lost?
Because they always find their way to the punchline. -
Why do comedians always have a good sense of humor?
Because it’s their bread and butter. -
Why did the comedian go to the dentist?
He wanted to get some good laughs and bright smiles! -
Why did the comedian audition to be a weatherman?
Because he wanted to forecast a lot of laughs. -
Why do comedians make great storytellers?
Because they know how to deliver a punchline. -
Why did the comedian become a chef?
Because he wanted to make some killer punch lines! -
Why did the comedian become a chef?
Because he wanted to cook up some laughter in the kitchen! -
Why did the comedian bring a ladder to the comedy show?
Because they wanted to reach new heights of laughter! -
Why did the comedian start a landscaping business?
Because he wanted to leave people in stitches. -
Why did the comedian become a chef?
Because they realized they could always add some spice to their punchlines! -
Why don’t comedians need umbrellas?
Because their jokes always make it rain laughter! -
Why did the comedian go broke?
He couldn’t stop giving away his punchlines for free! -
Why was the comedian always wearing sunglasses?
Because they wanted to protect their jokes from being stolen! -
Why did the comedian become a teacher?
Because he loved cracking jokes and seeing his students laugh their heads off! -
Why did the comedian go to jail?
Because his jokes were a bit too pun-ishing! -
Why did the comedian always carry a stopwatch?
Because he wanted to time his punchlines perfectly. -
Why did the comedian become an astronaut?
He wanted to perform stand-up comedy on a whole different planet. -
Why was the comedian always so good at math?
Because they had a lot of funny angles! -
Why did the comedian become a chef?
Because he wanted to dish out some funny recipes! -
Why did the comedian start a gardening club?
Because they wanted to share their love for growing jokes! -
Why do comedians make terrible chefs?
Because they always roast the food instead of cooking it! -
Why did the comedian go to jail?
He got caught stealing all the punchlines. -
Why was the comedian always cold?
Because his jokes were so cheesy! -
Why did the comedian start a garden?
They wanted to grow some fresh material! -
Why did the comedian become a gardener?
Because he wanted to plant some funny ideas in people’s minds! -
Why did the comedian become a chef?
Because they wanted to serve up some hilarious food for thought! -
Why did the comedian become a gardener?
Because he wanted to plant seeds of laughter and watch them grow into hilarious punchlines! -
Why did the comedian become an archaeologist?
Because they wanted to dig up ancient jokes and bring them back to life! -
Why did the comedian always carry a mirror on stage?
So they could see their audience rolling with laughter! -
Why did the comedian go on a diet?
He wanted to shed some light on the lighter side of comedy. -
Why did the comedian become a clown?
Because he wanted to put a smile on everyone’s face, even if it meant clowning around! -
Why did the comedian join a gardening club?
He wanted to cultivate some funny punchlines! -
Why did the comedian always carry a camera?
Because he wanted to capture every laugh-tastic moment. -
Why did the comedian become a baker?
Because he kneaded a new career that would rise to the occasion! -
Why did the comedian become a mathematician?
He loved finding the perfect equation for a good punchline. -
Why did the comedian go to the bakery?
Because he kneaded some fresh jokes! -
What did the comedian say to the heckler?
“You better watch your mouth, I’m a professional pun-isher!” -
Why did the comedian carry a stopwatch?
To keep track of his punchline timing! -
Why did the comedian get into boxing?
Because he wanted to knock his audience out with laughter. -
Why did the comedian become a musician?
Because he heard laughter was the best chord medicine. -
Why did the comedian become a chef?
Because he wanted to make his audience laugh their buns off. -
Why did the comedian bring his car to the comedy club?
He wanted to take his jokes for a drive! -
Why did the comedian always carry a book of jokes?
In case they needed a punchline on the go! -
Why did the comedian start a construction business?
Because he wanted to build a foundation of humor! -
Why did the comedian always carry a deck of cards?
He loved dealing out aces of comedy! -
Why did the comedian visit the dentist?
Because he wanted to check if his jokes had any cavities. -
What did the comedian say when asked how they come up with jokes?
“It’s all about finding the punch line!” -
Why was the comedian cold during his performance?
Because all his jokes were on ice. -
Why did the comedian become a musician?
Because he wanted to make people laugh in all the right keys! -
Why don’t comedians ever get lost?
Because they always have good direction! -
What do you call a comedian who can’t stand still?
A stand-up comedian! -
Why was the comedian a great gardener?
Because he always knew how to plant jokes and make them grow. -
Why did the comedian bring a pen and paper to the gig?
In case he wanted to jot down any punchlines! -
Why did the comedian become an electrician?
Because they wanted to shock everyone with their jokes! -
Why was the comedian always cold?
Because their jokes were ice-cold and had everyone cracking up! -
Why did the comedian refuse to perform on a boat?
He was afraid he would sink all his jokes! -
Why did the comedian become a teacher?
He wanted to school everyone in the art of laughter! -
Why did the comedian start a gardening business?
Because he wanted to tell jokes and sow seeds of laughter! -
Why don’t comedians like gardening?
Because they’re afraid of too many corny jokes! -
Why did the comedian only tell jokes about elevators?
Because they always took their comedy to the next level! -
Why did the comedian go to school?
Because he wanted to learn all the punchlines. -
Why did the comedian go broke?
He lost his sense of humor and couldn’t make any puns! -
What did the comedian say when they bombed on stage?
“Well, that was a tough crowd… literally!” -
Why did the comedian bring a map on stage?
Because he wanted to find all the funny territories! -
Why did the comedian become a carpenter?
He wanted to nail every punchline. -
Why did the comedian take up gardening?
Because he wanted to have a lot of punchlines! -
Why did the comedian bring a map on stage?
Because he didn’t want to lose his way to the punchline. -
Why did the comedian take a job as a chef?
Because he wanted to create some killer punchlines. -
Why did the comedian start a band?
Because he wanted to hit all the right notes of laughter! -
Why did the comedian become a magician?
He wanted to keep audiences spellbound with his jokes. -
Why did the comedian wear a watch on stage?
Because timing is everything in comedy. -
Why did the comedian become a baseball player?
Because he wanted to hit all the comedic curves. -
Why did the comedian bring a map on stage?
Because he always wanted to navigate his way to the funniest punchlines! -
Why did the comedian bring a pillow on stage?
Because he wanted to rest in pieces from all the laughter! -
Why don’t comedians ever get sunburned?
They’re always in the shade of their punchlines! -
Why was the comedian always so happy?
Because he always found the punchline in every situation! -
Why did the comedian bring a map to their performance?
They didn’t want to lose their way to the laughter! -
Why did the comedian become a teacher?
Because he wanted to give his students a lesson in laughter. -
Why did the comedian carry a notebook on stage?
Because he wanted to deliver punchlines, not punches. -
Why did the comedian start a band?
Because they wanted to bring the laughs and the tunes together! -
Why did the comedian carry a mirror on stage?
So they could reflect on their jokes and make everyone laugh! -
Why did the comedian always carry a suitcase on stage?
Because he had a lot of funny material to deliver! -
Why did the comedian become a chef?
He wanted to spice up his jokes with some food for thought! -
Why did the comedian start a band?
Because he wanted to play some hilarious tunes. -
Why did the comedian bring a mirror on stage?
Because he loved seeing his audience in fits of laughter. -
Why was the comedian’s house always a mess?
Because he had a lot of punchlines lying around. -
Why did the comedian become an astronaut?
Because he wanted to bring laughter to the moon and back! -
Why did the comedian become a detective?
Because they wanted to solve the mystery of making everyone laugh! -
Why was the comedian a great gardener?
Because he always had a lot of good jokes! -
Why did the comedian become an architect?
Because he always built up his audience’s laughter. -
Why do comedians like to travel?
Because they can always find new audiences to crack up. -
Why did the comedian only tell knock-knock jokes?
Because he was always on the door to success! -
Why was the comedian always happy?
Because he could always find the funny side of any situation, even in a stand-up routine! -
Why do comedians always bring a pencil to their shows?
In case they need to draw some laughs! -
Why did the comedian join a circus?
Because they heard it was a great place to clown around! -
Why did the comedian become a chef?
Because he wanted to make jokes that were easy to digest. -
Why don’t comedians like to date each other?
Because they’re afraid of too many laughs in the relationship! -
Why did the comedian become a doctor?
Because he had a great sense of humor. -
Why did the comedian have a pet parrot?
Because he needed someone to laugh at his jokes even when no one else would. -
Why did the comedian wear a clown nose on stage?
To add a little red humor to his act! -
Why did the comedian become a doctor?
Because he wanted to cure people’s blues with laughter prescriptions! -
Why did the comedian become an astronaut?
He wanted to make people laugh on a universal scale! -
Why did the comedian become a lifeguard?
Because he knew how to save a joke from drowning! -
Why did the comedian always carry a pencil and paper?
In case he came up with a punchline, he didn’t want to draw a blank! -
What did the comedian say to the heckler?
“You’re not even a good punchline!” -
Why did the comedian always wear a hat?
Because he wanted to top off his comedy routine. -
Why did the comedian always carry a stopwatch?
Because he wanted to tickle everyone’s funny bone in a timely manner. -
Why don’t comedians eat at buffets?
Because they can’t resist roasting everything. -
Why did the comedian start a band?
Because he wanted to make people laugh in harmony! -
Why did the comedian always carry a stopwatch?
So he could time his jokes and make sure they landed. -
Why did the comedian become a scientist?
Because he wanted to experiment with humor and see what tickles people’s funny bones! -
Why did the comedian get a job at the bakery?
Because he wanted to roll in dough while telling jokes. -
Why did the comedian become an electrician?
He wanted to lighten up the room with his jokes! -
Why did the comedian become a doctor?
Because he wanted to inject some humor into medicine. -
Why did the comedian go broke?
Because they kept trying to make everyone laugh, without any cents of humor! -
Why do comedians like playing hide and seek?
Because they always find humor in the most unexpected places. -
Why did the comedian go to therapy?
They needed help finding their inner funny bone! -
Why did the comedian refuse to perform at the circus?
They didn’t want to steal the spotlight from the clowns! -
Why did the comedian become a firefighter?
Because he wanted to extinguish boring conversations and ignite laughter.